III. Methods and approaches to alleviate students’ dependent Internet behavior
As the motives of adolescent students’ dependent Internet behavior are multifaceted and complex, there are both implicit ones such as self-actualization, catharsis, and gaining a sense of self-worth, and explicit ones such as entertainment, exploring and trying a new life. They reflect their aspirations and pursuits for a successful, fulfilling, and colorful life. But in general, they all seem to be related to the problems encountered in the process of adolescent growth and development and the environment in which they grow up.
The three principles of “environmental support, collaborative intervention, and independent development”
There are roughly three non-individual causes of children’s addiction to the Internet.
1. unhealthy family education.
2. the problems of modern exam-oriented education.
3. the complexity of the social environment.
The main reason for the formation of Internet addiction among minors is, in the end, a problem in education. Schools, parents, and society all have educational problems. Today, we will not discuss the school and social factors here for the time being, because this aspect of the problem, educators and sociologists as well as the relevant government departments are making and have made considerable efforts. So, today we are going to talk about the causes and factors of children’s obsession with online games and Internet chatting from the perspective of counseling and psychology, the symptoms of Internet addiction syndrome and a few ideas on how parents can help their children to get rid of Internet addiction. If effective measures can be taken to build on the strengths and avoid the weaknesses, it is possible to guide young students to make full use of the Internet as a modern tool for their learning and healthy growth.
Six measures
1.Parental adjustment
Parents of children with Internet addiction should first adjust their mindset, face the reality, understand the Internet from their children’s point of view, understand their children’s psychology, and avoid too much negative evaluation of their children and brutal intervention. Solve the problems. Q: We really don’t understand why our child hates us so much when we give him so much love and everything he has to offer. “I’m so mad at him!” Some parents think that not all parents do not care about the way of education, the same reasoning from parents, children may be very “rebellious”, do not like to listen, why? The main mistake is not in the child parents between children need to understand that every child is very averse to the command tone, ah? The way is to communicate with him. In this way let them understand what? Let him understand that you should respect your parents in order to respect yourself. What do you think is the difference between what parents give their children and what children need? There is no real healthy parent-child relationship. If both parents adopt reasonable attitudes and correct educational methods, the child will easily demonstrate independence, motivation, friendliness and emotional stability; on the other hand, if the parents adopt a coddling, pampering and compliant attitude toward the child, the child will easily show poor adaptability, dependence, capriciousness and obstinacy. Therefore, it is very important to correct parents’ attitudes toward their children’s parenting. Without the right attitude, we cannot talk about good parenting methods and unhealthy family education. Nowadays, some parents do not use emotions to connect “parent-child” relationship, but use material or something else, they do not pay attention to normal emotional communication.
”When a child has problems, the root cause must be the parents.” “‘If the son does not teach, the father’s fault’ is still true.” An expert once counted 12 children from families seeking help, most of whom were in middle school. The character traits of children in this age group are characterized by sensitivity and indecision, and are easily tempted by the outside world. The first of the two typical bad family education models, traditional family education advocates parental authority, some parents are bent on taking high-pressure measures, regardless of the child’s developmental characteristics and reasonable requirements, mainly using punishment to implement discipline, believing in the “rod out of filial son, spoiled out of a rebellious boy” the old adage. There is very little dialogue on an equal footing in the way children are treated. Parents do not really understand what their increasingly precocious children like and want to do, and they impose their own will on their children, and impose their unrealized ideals on them. This aggravates the conflict between parents and children and increases the rebelliousness of children, who gradually escalate from conscious confrontation to behavioral confrontation, which is the failure of family education. You only give what you think you should give them, there are other things that should be given that you did not give, it is this problem parents do not understand. Parents need to improve their own quality, and children grow up at the same time, many parents themselves do not understand the computer, children see their parents are playing with the computer. He also followed the computer at the beginning up to play with it as a toy. You can’t just see your child’s problems and not see your own. First you have to make the child accept you.
The second, the family structure in the city now is basically four two one instead of the traditional structure, the child has become the center of the family, it is natural to form a self-centered kind of mentality, some parents are overly spoiled children, parents are competing for favor, to compete for the favor of the child. Look at the child’s face to act. There are no clear educational requirements for children, and they are left to their own devices in terms of learning and behavior, not even talking about how to cultivate children’s independence, self-confidence and self-control, etc. What is the common problem nowadays? Parents think that meeting their children’s needs, especially material needs and monetary needs, is love. Such children later become very irrational, they do things, talk, life in all aspects, has been different from normal children, this time more lead to parents and parents, the school to blame them more, the more blame the more has caused a vicious circle, the more blame he avoided you, the more disgusted you, the more towards the Internet cafe. What’s wrong with this? Of course it will mislead the child. How can such a family and such a mentality give the child a healthy outlook on life and the world? This root of Internet addiction. First of all, it is a matter of family education, school education and social and cultural influences, but the three main roots are still the family. I hope that there is a real love between parents and children, on this basis to communicate, rather than blame each other. What is the meaning of true love? Understanding. What is needed for understanding? Children need to understand their parents, parents also need to know what the child’s inner world is thinking, not on the surface, accusing him ah or criticism ah ……
Specifically when it comes to how to help them, I personally think the first place to start is with the parents. The child is addicted to playing games, more or less there are personality flaws. How should things be handled? How to get along well with others? — Almost every child in adolescence has these troubles. Many parents do not teach their children this lesson and should make up for it in time. Parents have to teach their children how to behave, and children need this social knowledge. Homeschooling should be lenient and strict, try to be friends with your child as an equal, only a truly democratic family will raise confident children. Don’t confuse game addiction with working on the computer. It’s not about keeping your child off the Internet, it’s about getting your child to use the computer as a tool, not as a toy to play with. There are a lot of kids who are great gamers, but they can’t actually send emails. I think both parents and teachers should be lifelong learners. Modern society updates knowledge very quickly. How can you get your child to listen to you when you can’t even figure out the basics of the Internet? Only parents who are lifelong learners will be able to keep up with the times and be accepted by their children.
2.Psychological adjustment
Whether before or after addiction, most teenagers know it is wrong to overindulge in the Internet, but they still can’t get rid of their dependence on it. With the help of psychologists, through cognitive analysis, the use of psychological techniques to reduce the psychological pressure of adolescents, help them build self-confidence, and encourage them to establish normal interpersonal interactions is conducive to the adolescents’ ability to improve self-awareness and self-control, thus gradually returning to the real world, which is the basis for the success of various interventions. Q: Is quitting Internet addiction the same as not going online? The Internet is nothing more than a tool to disseminate information and facilitate communication.” He said that people who swear to quit the Internet have one thing in common: the Internet has become excessively involved in their lives, or has taken up a lot of rest time leading to physical and mental exhaustion, or they are obsessed with it and can’t tell the difference between truth and falsehood and can’t control their emotions …… “In fact, what people call quitting the Internet is just not soaking up forums and The fact is that people are not going to be able to get into chat rooms.” The Internet still has to be on, to search for information using search engines, to use e-mail to send and receive e-mails, otherwise study and work can not do. Some Internet users to “quit the Internet” to remove the “cat”, unplug the network cable, “which is tantamount to drinking hemlock to quench thirst. If someone kills someone with a kitchen knife, the sale of kitchen knives is banned; someone claims to have watched television and movies to learn bad, stop broadcasting and stop playing movies? The internet is just a tool, it depends on what the people using it are doing. There are also students who are bored and truant when there is no online game. So is it all about blowing up those triggers? In today’s internet age, the vast majority of students across the country are not playing with things because of online games. The key is how to communicate with children and how to make them identify themselves.
3.Goal management
”Emptiness and lack of goals are the common characteristics of most teenagers with Internet addiction, so they indulge in the virtual network to find excitement and vent. Goal management is to help adolescents plan their lives and establish clear short-, medium- and long-term goals and implementation measures, so that they can realize the value of their existence in the real world and have successful experiences. Q: What is the best place to start to help children quit “Internet addiction”? One thing that is crucial is that you have to love these kids – love is more important than skill. Children are the most sensitive, they can feel whether you care about them from the bottom of your heart and like them. You should engage with them as equals in order to get into their hearts successfully. This is the first step to success. An “addiction” is a strong interest. Most people who are really successful have an “addiction” to their profession. The real cure is to guide young people to point this “addiction” to the right things and to develop a strong interest in good things. The most fundamental reason why children nowadays are addicted to the Internet and why they are particularly addicted to games is that, apart from the fact that they are tempting in themselves, it is because we as parents have now entered a misunderstanding in the education of our children. When a child falls to the ground, the parents’ greatest wish is to get a child with a healthy body and no disabilities. As the child grows up, the education that is supposed to foster a sense of achievement and build self-confidence turns into a “blow” to the child over and over again, creating a large number of “losers”. This is particularly true of some parents who are bent on “making their sons and daughters into dragons and phoenixes”. The children’s childhood, which should be very happy, becomes exhausting. Parents need to understand the mindset of their children, that is, if we always shape our children according to our own ideas, which is wrong. Many children are misguided by their parents in this way and do not succeed. Because the child is innocent from birth, a blank sheet of paper, then we as parents, have we ever recognized that we have a mistake or not? The story of Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, can give us some insight: When Bill Gates was a sophomore at Harvard in 1975, he wrote this on Mother’s Day: I love you! Mom, you never said I was worse than other kids; you always looked for praiseworthy things in what I did; I miss all the times I spent with you. To really quit internet addiction, the effort has to be spent outside the internet.
4.Time management (exclusion method)
Through the above measures, with the participation of psychologists and adolescents themselves, gradually establish a disciplined life, improve their desire and ability to organize their time, and first crowd out Internet access from their schedules. By understanding the time period when adolescents often go online, helping them to list their hobbies and other behaviors and matters that they can engage in during this time period, and then asking them to engage in the listed matters at least once in a week, this can effectively crowd out the “Internet addiction” time, so as to establish a reasonable life style and increase interpersonal interaction. This can effectively crowd out the “Internet addiction” time, so as to establish a reasonable life style and increase interpersonal interaction, so that they can gradually get rid of the dependence on the Internet. Controlling the time spent on the Internet and the content of the Internet, strengthening the inspection of websites and the management of Internet cafes can help reduce and control the occurrence and spread of “pathological Internet addiction” among young people. One of the most important things to prevent Internet addiction is to strictly control the time spent on the Internet, which should not exceed two hours a day. Children and adolescents are in the development period, so they should be strictly restrained. 5, sports intervention Freud, the doctrine of the force of more than …… a lot of research shows that exercise can not only make people produce good psychological feelings, enhance physical fitness, but also improve self-evaluation, improve perseverance and self-control, exercise has a very significant effect on getting rid of addiction. Specific exercise programs are: jogging, aerobics, ball games, etc., three times a week, 30D60 minutes each time. 6, consolidate the effect In the process of implementing the intervention, there will certainly be repeated effects, and may be accompanied by some withdrawal reactions, such as loss of appetite, fatigue, lack of concentration, mental trance. The withdrawal reactions can be gradually eliminated by adjusting the intervention measures, intervention time, shifting attention, and strengthening psychological catharsis and psychological motivation, which is the only way to consolidate the efficacy and get rid of Internet addiction completely. A good try; parents should never just blame, but should go online and use anonymity to befriend him and guide him step by step, etc. Four-step approach to diversion on the Internet to do something else A woman believes that children are obsessed with Internet cafes parents should be more guidance, tell him that the Internet is a place where you can learn knowledge, consciously ask children to help adults to find some information online, or let children help send e-mail, sometimes on weekends can also accompany the child online, teach children to learn some knowledge that can not be learned in the classroom. This will gradually get your child out of the pure online games. Parents should set an example by having positive and healthy hobbies to influence their children implicitly. In this regard, Mr. Chen of Xi’an Lintong District has the same view, and he thinks that he can buy some books that children like to read and let them read them within a few days, and after reading them, they should write out their afterthoughts, so that they can find fun in the process and reduce the number of times they go to Internet cafes. It is important to find ways to divert your child’s attention. Mr. Liu has the successful experience that several of his friends’ children used to be obsessed with playing games online. Then, one weekend, Mr. Liu took them on a fishing trip. Before going, let the children themselves to prepare some fishing tools, exercise their own hands, in addition to the fish caught to take home to boil fish soup …… This can develop the children’s interest in life.
Recommended student websites for self-study
A gentleman named Wen introduced a website named “Student Kingdom”. He said that on this site, there are students from all over the world registered on it, chatting and posting to learn from each other. There is also a video classroom online, if students have any learning, education, psychological and other aspects of the problem, you can give the teacher to the teacher, the teacher will be one-on-one answer, counseling, very popular with students. Parents can guide their children to some similar websites, so that they can learn to study on their own instead of simply playing those online games.
Communication
Emotional spirit often communicates that parents should adjust their relationship with their children and not put all the blame on their children for being obsessed with Internet cafes. To strengthen the emotional and spiritual communication between parents and their children. One elementary school student was obsessed with the Internet, and one day his father found him in an Internet cafe, dragged the child out of the cafe, and took off his clothes to prepare to beat him, and the child ran away in fear. Later, the child’s classmates often mention the child’s “naked run” to his face, resulting in a shadow in the child’s heart and a rebellious mentality. Early stage: parents make up for the early stage, “close to addiction” (with the following obvious characteristics: worry about whether the e-mail is delivered and can not sleep; every day must be online to play games; once the school to enter the Internet cafe or home to play online for half an hour to an hour game; home after dinner, first to play online for a while and then go to do homework; every day not If you don’t go online every day, you will be a bit distracted. Parents should immediately take computer classes to master computer skills as soon as possible, so that they can take the initiative, speak and lead with authority. But unfortunately, more than 60% of the parents of Internet patients, when their children suffer from “disease”, still do not know anything about computers, most even refuse to computer, the computer as a flood of beasts. For those who are in the middle stage, “mild addiction”, the following characteristics are obvious: they like to play games or chat online very much; they play games or chat online for about 2 hours a day; they are anxious when they are not online, i.e. they are nervous, sensitive, distracted, restless, inattentive and lose interest in many things. Force cannot solve the problem “Is the authority of the father and mother not beaten out by fists?” For example, there is a child who likes to surf the Internet, but he is not addicted to the Internet, he just goes to the Internet at home after he comes home from school. But his father saw the Internet as a “beast” and took away the family computer. This action made the son rebellious, no matter what his father said, he had to confront him. In order to stop his son from going online, the father picked up the dumbbells he kept at home to beat him and said he wanted to “kill him with a fish”. This will instead force him to the Internet cafe, in order to save money and time to go online, he only eat one meal a day. After school, he did not come home on time, and his grades plummeted. Children’s addiction to the Internet has to do with the roughness of their fathers. When communicating with children, it is important to first respect the personality of these children, otherwise it is difficult to get them to quit their Internet addiction. Parents should take the initiative to retreat from a state of strength to a state of equality with their children, using effective communication and setting rules that are clear and mutually acceptable to both parties. Do not treat children as their own human appendages, once the rules are agreed upon, the parent side cannot back down because children know the weaknesses of their parents like the back of their hand, and they can easily break the rules from the parent’s not strong firmness. Once this rule is breached, it is like a breach, the dike is not protected.
Parents may want to do an experiment like this, let your children stand high, while the parents stand low, from the eye to eye, looking for the feeling of each. In addition, children must be taught that they are not born to be taken care of. Late stage: learn to behave first “severe addiction stage”, once the child becomes a late stage, (with the following distinctive features: ranking the Internet as the most important thing in life and the happiest thing; going online for more than 5 hours a day; going online tirelessly, can not eat or sleep; not going online will be a serious state of anxiety, some even physiological pathological Some of them even have physiological reactions, such as neck and back muscle pain, thirst, dry throat, throat congestion, numbness of hands and feet, hair swelling, muscle twitching and so on. (The worst is that the body will tremble when surfing the Internet, and the fingers will often involuntarily tap the keyboard, and further development will lead to stiffness of the tongue and cheeks and even loss of self-control and hallucinations.)
It is recommended that once Internet addiction occurs, the child must be immediately isolated from the computer in stages. Parents must first temporarily give up their original vision for their children, such as going to college, to solve the problem at the “root”. Instead of talking about ambition, it is better to let these children lower their ambitions, so that the big goal can be broken down into several small goals, so that a semester, a month, or even a week have goals to find. The goals become small and specific, it is easy to achieve, so that the child will often have a sense of success and can progress faster. In the late stages, most of them are already at the edge of personality problems and we must spend some time to solve the lifelong problems of the child. At such times, if the original vision is not abandoned, then the child is destined to go to the other side. Q: What is mental health? Mental health Developing a sound personality, improving social adaptability, and preventing physical and mental illness. Mental health also refers to a state of health of a person.
There are five general signs of children’s mental health. 1.Intelligence is in line with the norm. 2.Emotional stability and happiness. 3, sound will and behavior coordination. 4.Good character and self-awareness. 5.Harmonious interpersonal communication. Huang Dongyuan, Chinese Medicine Emotional Disease Specialist, Ningbo Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital