Some people can have this image of counseling: two people sit down and talk about whatever they want to talk about. So, why should I pay to talk to someone? This is really a regrettable misconception. What is the difference between counseling and chatting? As the saying goes, the familiar line looks at the doorway, in fact, the process that looks like a conversation, and the real conversation is very different. A serious and in-depth conversation can have a similarly comprehensible effect, however the main function of chatting is to maintain contact and fellowship and communicate information about life, not to solve one’s mental pain. Thus, most conversations in life are undemanding and stress-free. In the process of chatting, both parties avoid embarrassing each other, do not delve into important memories or even shadows of the other person’s mind, and do not make a practical and specific dissection of a person’s personality weaknesses. Some people will say: So, as long as my friend has some theoretical knowledge of psychology, or knows how to open up the conversation, talking to such a person can still solve my psychological problems? A large part of the work of psychoanalysis is to clarify and get rid of all kinds of relational projections, which requires the counselor to maintain a transcendent position of detachment from all interpersonal relationships with the visitor. You may not believe your friend’s words, or even if you do, you may just say “you’re right” and leave it behind, not entering into deeper reflection and improvement. Imagine, you with the heart of the unhappy to find the best brother to talk, you and he talk about everything, in the process of your confession, you continue to communicate feelings and ideas, you will inform him how you think about the question, he will also inform you how he sees the question. After some comments, he will inform you what he would do if it were him, or perhaps advocate what you probably do. So you go back with these suggestions, perhaps relieved or perhaps apprehensive, to make a resolution (sometimes this resolution is also made by the brother) and deal with the problem. Counseling is a lot different. The counselor needs some time to establish trust with you so that you can talk to him as well. In the process of your narration, the counselor will not exchange opinions with you as often as your brother, especially the counselor will not comment with you on how he sees your problem, but he will focus on: “What kind of heart process makes you see the problem from this point of view?” Maybe “What is the implied meaning of this question from this point of view?” . This is the most important difference between counseling and talking: the counselor is as neutral as possible, and this neutrality means that he will try to be “egoless” in the process of talking, and together, the counselor pays most attention not to the “content” of the talk, but to the motives, needs, moods and responses behind these contents. The counselor focuses not on the “content” of the speech, but on the motivations, needs, moods, and forms of coping with the outside world. The counselor will not bring his own value system to help you think about the problem, he will be like a mirror, you can neglect the important information feedback to you, expand your vision, but will not give you other people’s ideas to make you more disorderly. The counselor will not be like a brother wearing the same pants as you, or perhaps on the contrary, open to give you a scolding. The counselor will always support you, encourage you, not to “right”, “wrong” assessment you. He will encourage you to discover more points of view to see the problem, to explore more paths to deal with the problem, in the process to help you know what is working in your heart, will you be trapped in the same place, and finally gradually heal your heart wound, improve your ability. The counselor will not directly give you others to deal with the problem or advocate, which is equivalent to a carpenter’s saw blunt, try a blacksmith’s hammer, so it really works? What’s more, many confusions occur because we try to use the carpenter’s mind to finish the blacksmith’s work. The counselor’s approach is to first help you discover what the real problem is, so that you can pick the right thing, or perhaps learn how to improve your own thing. The counseling agency moreover will not make any decisions for you. The day is your own, no one has the power or ability to make decisions for you and bear the consequences of that. A decision made with the assistance of a good counselor will bring you a feeling of sturdiness, autonomy and determination. Counseling is work. In the 50 minutes of counseling, both for the counselor and the visitor, it is work.