Male Zhejiang Huzhou diagnosis: depression Medical history: ten years ago, the patient had no obvious reason to be upset, poor sleep (had not slept well for 3 days), low self-esteem, feeling incapable, reduced interest, depressed mood, pessimistic and anxious, had suicidal thoughts, felt memory loss. In August 2009, his condition recurred, mainly manifesting as little sleep, sleeping about 5 hours a night, feeling headache after waking up, sometimes disturbed, panicking, and having less interest, he was admitted to our internal observation training center for internal observation experience. Summary of internal observation record: Day 1: Today was the first day of internal observation, and the object of internal observation was my mother. I thought a lot and found that my mind was particularly clear, free of symptoms and depression, and I thought of my mother feeding me on the boat home after giving birth to me, and how beautiful she was. I cried, I cried with shame, I couldn’t stop because she had left me, I couldn’t ask her about her childhood and feel sad, I couldn’t talk with her anymore. I’m fine, I like to remember the good old days, and I believe if my mother were alive she would be talking to me for half a day. But she’s gone, and crying cleanses my heart. I feel that my mother did a lot of little things for me, but these ordinary little things add up to an amazing big thing. I couldn’t have lived without my mother, whose love is selfless and great. Day 2: The pre-internal view of motherhood is flawed. My mother’s love for me, though somewhat rejected and feared, was dying during the time of my illness. For a rural woman all the hard work, for the son to be able to make a difference, after the old have something to rely on, and her son brought her cowardice and dashed hopes. A mother’s love is great, washing and cooking for me, taking care of my children, warming my feet in hot water and crying for me. I blame myself for sinning in my past life and letting me have this disease, who can blame me? I can only blame myself for being mentally unripe and not appreciating the cocooning of those ordinary efforts. The overall feeling is that the internal view of my mother is more painful and not as natural and gentle as my father. I didn’t want to look at my father internally, because I felt that my father was quite ordinary in my influence, and that my mother was always the world in my family. Fortunately, under the guidance of my doctor, I experienced through internal observation that my father’s kindness was so simple and natural in my life. Fortunately, in this family, I have my father’s support and my mother is living so peacefully. Father’s love is great, father’s love is like a mountain. Day 3: Every time I write today’s reflection I have a feeling of impatience, because this method is very wonderful, step by step in washing the dirt of my mind. Every time I think of my mother I feel guilty, I owe her so much, mainly because I have not been able to let her live a day of comfort. The damage to my wife is enormous, but fortunately she has a strong and stable mind and has not given up on my care and love, my improvement is inseparable from my wife’s love and encouragement. In fact, I am a very romantic man with a sense of humor at heart, but the terrible melancholy destroyed many of my talents. More and more I realized that all my depression was due to the fact that I owed so much to others, to my parents for raising me, to my wife for loving me, to my daughter for loving me, and so much more. With the process of internal observation, the kindness of others to me will gather more and more, and this is the only motivation for me to be able to transform, to be grateful and appreciate what others have given to you. Day 4: Thinking about what others have done for me for several days in a row has shown me that so many, many people care and love me so much. And what I’ve been struggling with all this time is that I hadn’t even noticed it before, hadn’t even bothered to return the favor, so it’s so exhausting to look back on it. Today it is obvious that I am not refined enough, and I am a little bored with the sequence and events that I am looking at internally, which is probably normal. I think this is normal. In the future, as my life becomes more colorful and my ability to see and be aware of things increases, I should be better. Day 5: Today’s internal observation was on my father-in-law and mother-in-law. When I think of my kind mother-in-law and father-in-law, my mind is so active and spontaneous. I think of their care, help and understanding of me, the many favors they have given me, and through internal observation, I am stirred to want to repay them, and I will never forget so many favors. One should always remember the kindness given by others and find ways to repay them. Summary: Through five days of internal observation, the helper’s confidence increased and his mood improved significantly compared to before. He self-reported that internal observation helped him a lot and that there were many people he should be grateful to. You have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, not just rely on your own feelings, but learn to think differently. The world is full of people of all kinds, learn to appreciate the advantages of others, ignore their shortcomings, and know how to understand others. When he was discharged from the hospital, he was instructed by Director Zhang to put an end to the centralized internal observation for now, and after he went home, he could do 30 minutes to an hour of decentralized internal observation every day to consolidate the healing effect. One month later, after a follow-up phone call, the helper was able to adapt to the troubles brought by various problems in his work and life, and his depression was significantly reduced. Occasionally, there were times when he was more depressed, but he was able to adjust his emotional state in time through decentralized internal observation.