“The child is only three years old and he is already waving and hitting people, what should we do! Does a child this young have a tendency to be violent?” And what should parents do? Parents often say that if a child hits someone, hit him and let him know that it hurts, he won’t dare next time! I have observed for a long time and found that not every child can be taught this way ~ because some children will imitate you to violence; some children will not dare at the moment, the next time you do not see him hit others; some children will be very angry, confused about the rules, think you can hit him, but why he can not hit others? These children’s hitting problems, in fact, should be divided into age and reasons, in order to prescribe the right remedy, often occurring in children aged 1 to 3 years old or just entered kindergarten period, parents are deeply afraid that their children have developed bad habits, more worried about the development of personality. In fact, while some of it is in the child’s nature, there are really some behavioral problems! The reasons for children to hit may be: 1. Inappropriate imitation Whether it is a friend or neighbor’s child, as long as there has been hands-on behavior (perhaps playful hitting, perhaps punishment for hitting), for the imitation of strong children, see in the eyes, of course, will learn up. Even TV and movie episodes, children also follow the same example. It is not difficult to find that children feel happy to hit others, and will hit others when they are angry, because this is what they see in their heads. But the most frequent, the child’s parents corporal punishment, the child sees the parents angry, so hit people, the child will be in their own angry unhappy, also appear to hit the action. 2, the young force is not properly grip about a year old children, also appear to have hitting actions, especially the temperament itself is a stronger reaction strength, more impatient children. If the adult is less sensitive to the child’s body language, the child will act in this way because he or she will find that this is the only way the adult will notice me. 3, sensory disorders After the age of two or three, if a child with sensory disorders, greeting or touching because of poor force control, it is easy to be misunderstood as hitting; in addition, children with sensory disorders will also be more likely to not control their impulsive emotions, but also prone to hitting behavior. 4, angry but insufficient ability to express emotions verbally For example, two or three years old children and peer games, the results of the toy was robbed, this age of verbal expression is not as flexible as physical movements, so it is easy to directly express emotions by action. 5, accidentally reinforced by adults Young children may accidentally hit others during the process of interactive games with adults. Why are you hitting Grandpa? “The child will find that this behavior achieves a very special result, and will try again and again and become a habit. What should I do if my child is already behaving in this way? 1. Cut off the sources of imitation in the environment As much as possible, do not expose your child to any violent games, movies, or even play with children who hit others until they have developed empathy (about 5 years old). Although many parents will say that they have told their children that hitting is wrong, the more you caution your young, self-centered child, the more they will want to try it. However, or just so impulsive, they will not think about what this action brings to the feelings of others, more will not have empathy for this matter, so prevention is better than cure. 2, the more adults are angry when the more calm to fight this punishment definitely does not apply to children of this age, when the child did wrong, adults can calmly ask the child: you were sentenced to play, you foul play, please go to the isolation area penalty station. The adult’s emotions must not follow the child together with the high, because you just want the child to learn your emotional control ability, the child will not be emotional once the impulse to appear aggressive behavior. If you can, please stop your child before he/she hits someone. Use the concept of “red light” to teach your child how to deal with things, you grab the child’s hand, stop the child’s action (red light) and let the child think about whether this action is okay? Guide your child to think about whether there is a better way to do it. (yellow light) and let the child perform the right action (green light). For example, if your child’s toy is snatched, you can teach your child to say: This is my toy, please give it back to me first. If your child has already hit someone, besides asking him/her to apologize, you should also ask him/her to rehearse the right way to respond, so that he/she will not only respond in the way of hitting when he/she encounters a similar situation. 5, find a channel of venting Usually, you can also help your child find activities that can vent, such as rubbing paper, pulling clay, playing ball, etc. 6, active control games Some games can also be played at home to increase the child’s ability to control their own behavior, for example: 1.2.3 wooden head (instructions should be simple, once the mother turns around, squat down), mirror game (mother touches the nose, the child must touch the nose). 7, story teaching Use picture books to strengthen the child’s emotional expression, such as “Family Angry Little Dinosaur”, “My Feelings”, etc., books about emotional expression are available. 8.Increase sensory integration stimulation Increase the amount of activity (there should be one hour of gross physical activity every day), tactile brushing, more playing with clay, blocks, climbing and other activities. PS: Discipline do not use emotional language When disciplining your child, grasp a very important principle: do not have emotional language! Even if your child is going to be punished, it is because of his wrongdoing, not because he has made you angry. Instead of using ineffective threatening language like “If you don’t behave, you’ll be thrown away”, be practical and warn him directly, “If you don’t behave, you won’t be able to watch cartoons later! Or: “If you don’t eat, I’m going to confiscate your fighting gyro! This kind of seemingly lighter punishment is instead more serious and effective in the child’s mind, because that is the punishment he feels. When you carry out the punishment and the child cries even more because of it, you’d better leave the scene quickly and not be in the same space with the child, because the child knows that the parent will eventually give in to the pain and weakness of the heart, and will be seen by him to break the hand and soon break the work.