When I was young, the next-door neighbor boy was born with some intellectual deficiencies, and his mother was not very cultured, the family often came to the sound of scolding mistakes, once my mother and I happened to go to the door, met the boy accidentally broke a bowl, his mother immediately freaked out, a heavy slap on the buttocks, and then counted up: you have to die, let you take a bowl will not … The young me instantly stunned. Later I heard a private conversation between two mothers, my mother said: children are so small, hands and feet are not as flexible as adults is normal, and also break a bowl, not intentionally, not much fault, how can say such heavy words ah … This incident made me realize that different parents have different ways of educating their children, and that I am very happy to have a sensible, warm and communicative mother. After becoming a parent, I gradually realized that the so-called education is often just an excuse for incompetent parents to vent their emotions. When a child makes a small mistake, parents lose control of their emotions, speak out of turn, accuse and belittle, curse, slap, and even deprive the child of the most important and beloved things, and see the child scared, begging for mercy, and shedding tears, many of these parents are afraid that they will feel relieved and their anger will all go away, and they will feel that they can afford their parental duties and their obligation to educate their children. Many parents in China are afraid that they “spoil” their children, because the old ancestors told us that “spoiling a child is like killing a child”, yes, spoiling a child is indeed harming the child, but please do not play the banner of “not spoiling a child “The actual fact is that you can’t be sure that you’re going to be able to get a good deal on your own. Such education is not so much education, but rather the selfish venting of adults and the relentless mental destruction of children, the impact on the child can only be aggression, fear, repression, sowing the seeds of gloom, negativity, low self-esteem, narrow-mindedness, rebellion. There can never be a little positive energy. The love and warmth that parents give to their children is the basis for their independence and inner strength. This kind of mental harm that gives vent to parental emotions under the banner of education is cooling the bottom of the child’s life. A child raised by such parents will not be a positive, sunny, warm and generous person, and will certainly be emotionally unstable when dealing with others, and will treat others with vengeance and bad words. When the first signs of this, parents should not blame the child, the child is only a mirror of your own. A parent full of negative energy, constantly radiating negative energy to the child, can only drain the child’s life hit the bottom of the temperature, and eventually let the child also lose their positive energy. Can good education be punished Education should be based on positive guidance such as encouragement, but it does not mean that punishment cannot be administered. Punishment needs to be carried out when the parents are calm and stable, and clear rules of punishment need to be formulated in advance, so that the child can clearly understand what mistakes he or she has made, what mistakes are minor and what mistakes are major. Just like the country’s laws, the government can’t get angry and arrest whoever it wants to, whoever it wants to give the death penalty to, to be sentenced according to the law, even if the sentence is pronounced guilty, the judge can’t be abusive in court, yelling at the prisoner, but also has to be emotionally stable to read the verdict. The education of children is more need to be based on respect, method and strategy. If a child makes a mistake, if it really needs to be punished, it needs to be measured and punished, not depending on the mood of the parents. Of course, if some parents themselves are mental or personality problems, and do not want to be responsible for their children, in today’s Chinese society, child protection is not sound now, the law can not do much to take these people, unlike the United States, you can take away your custody. Regarding the error/problem grading reference, each family values are different, you can discuss with your child according to the situation, as to what kind of educational and punitive measures to take, it depends on the level of parents. Here are some simple examples: Serious mistakes: stealing, bullying the weak, deliberately hurting others, truancy. More serious mistakes: foul language, breach of trust, lying, destroying public and other people’s property, disrespecting teachers. General mistakes: not completing homework on time, not following family conventions, not saying things properly, losing control of emotions, grabbing toys, not following public order (cutting in line, making noise in public), interfering with others’ work and study. Minor mistakes: not flushing the toilet, not cleaning up school supplies, destroying school supplies, not looking each other in the eye when talking. As for spilling water and breaking bowls, they are not even minor mistakes, but at most they are minor mistakes! If the child is already blaming himself or herself for such a small mistake, and he or she is scared, can I say that such a parent is a fascist? Finally, in order to let mothers and fathers firmly get rid of the phobia of the old saying “spoiling a child is like killing a child”, I would like to share one more old saying of the seven impunity of child rearing: 1, do not blame the public: in front of the public, do not blame the child, but give the child dignity in front of the public. 2, shame and regret not to blame: if the child has been ashamed of their own fault regret, adults should not blame the child. 3, twilight not to blame: do not blame the child before going to bed at night. This is the time to blame him, the child with frustration and loss of emotion to go to bed, either sleepless nights, or a series of nightmares. 4. Don’t blame your child for eating: Don’t blame your child when you are eating. This time to blame the child, it is easy to cause the child’s spleen and stomach weakness. 5, celebrate not to blame: do not blame the child when he is particularly happy. When people are happy, the meridians are in a state of fluidity, if the child is suddenly chastised, the meridians will immediately hold back, which is very harmful to the child’s body. 6, sadness is not to blame: do not blame the child when he cries. 7, disease is not to blame: do not blame the child when he is sick. Sickness is the most vulnerable time of the human body, and children need more love and warmth from their parents, which is more therapeutic than any medicine.