Like physical nutrition, a child needs different psychological nutrition at different stages of his age, and if he does not get the psychological nutrition to meet what will happen, then he will probably have to search for his whole life until he can find the missing psychological nutrition. From the age of 0 to 4 years old, what a child needs. Some parents say, “Does my child still need to listen at 16 years old? Well, if the child is not filled in this part of his life from 0-6 years old, he will have many conditions and problems when he is searching for his whole life. I will only cry, but I want you to accept me unconditionally 0-3 months, the child is born, the first nutrition he needs is called: unconditional acceptance. The newborn child is so fragile that he cannot find his own food. He has to wait for his mother and father to feed him and needs his parents to help him, comfort him and take care of him. The child knows everything, but he can’t speak, he has many needs, but he only expresses them by crying. He needs his parents to accept him unconditionally. You don’t know if I will be filial in the future, you can’t tell if I look good or not, you don’t know if I am well behaved. But you come to love me unconditionally, even if you don’t know anything! The second nutrition: not forever, but at least at this moment, in your life, I am the most important. That is what we call: NO.1inlife. children to realize that in your life, I am the most important. Even if you are very busy, even if you are not well, but I am hungry, I am not well, I am sick, you can immediately drop everything and come to satisfy me first. Then I will know that I am the most important thing in your life. For a mother, it is not difficult to do this. Because after a mother gives birth, she secretes something called proprioception. With the secretion of proprioception, the mother will be willing to provide everything for the child. Physically, she provides breast milk, and psychologically, she loves her child unconditionally. In the mother’s eyes, the child is the most beautiful, the most perfect. And whatever the child’s needs are, they will be met. The greatest satisfaction of a mother’s heart is also this child. There is nothing more important than the child. But if, within 3 months, this mother for some reason suffers an emotional shift and does not secrete proprioception properly. Then the father has to take up the responsibility. Watch the child, take care of the child, protect the wife. If the child is in the 3 months, in the process of growing up, his parents often quarrel and fight, two people’s energy is consumed in the quarrel, there is no way to take care of the child. Then the child will go and find another person to replace him/her while growing up. That is, another significant other. From this person, he or she wants to receive unconditional acceptance. He or she wants to be the most important person in that person’s life. Then the child will do this for the rest of his life until he finds that significant other. When he gets to elementary school, he will go to his elementary school teacher, and when he gets to high school, he will go to his lover, and he will fall in love very early. He will want someone to treat him that way, to see him as the most important person in his life, and if he can’t find one, he will grow up with that expectation and get married with that expectation. When you get married, he will also be asking all day long, in the end in your life I ranked the first? Told and told, asked and asked. Am I the most important person in your life? If I was capricious if I was bad and terrible, would you still love me that way and treat me that way? He will keep searching for an answer, which will cause him to encounter many problems in interpersonal relationships. It becomes his deficiency. Not being able to do something very meaningful because there is so much distress. He’s not able to read well, work well, and as he grows up, naturally his body goes on a search, to find that significant other. I want to feel secure, I want the relationship between mom and dad to be stable From 4 months onwards, the child enters another stage. It is when the child wants to separate. To find a way to become an independent person. He was originally connected to his mother, and when he was first born, he experienced a physical separation, a separation from his mother. From four months on, he starts to go through his other process of cutting the umbilical cord psychologically from the mother or the father. If this process is not done properly, the child will never know how to be independent. At that time, he needs psychological nutrition: security. This is something he will do from 4 months until 3 years old. What is security is that his father and mother’s relationship is stable. In this, if the mother is stable, then the child does not have to worry at all, very naturally, the child will go through this separation period and feel very secure. Children under the age of 3 do not know what “I” is or who “I” am. There is no me experience. This is why the vast majority of children do not have memories before the age of 3. This is a natural process in the child’s psyche. As long as we provide him with psychological nutrition and mental health, he will keep experimenting and then he will keep leaving, coming back, leaving and coming back. From the entire 4 months until the age of 3, will always do such a thing. Without this passing, this child would have been in symbiosis with his mother. He thought he and mom were one person. Thinks he and mommy and daddy are one. What to do with the dreaded two-year-old? And this is when we get into one of the headaches of raising a child: the terrible twos. Why is it scary? Because this is the time when the child wants to be independent, and he is one with his mother. At this time, they are very demanding of their mother, seeing that you have to react whenever your mother is around you, and then you really want to help him, and he does not agree. At this time, he most often speaks, is the two words: do not. If you must help him, he will oppose you. All of this is because the child is struggling to become an independent person. Well, many small children at this time have a lot of missing, how do you know there will be this missing. One you will see many small children, by the time they are 4, 5, 6, 7 or 10 years old, the child will still pull at your coat, naturally, and when it comes time to go to school, he will hug the pillar of the house and refuse to go out. Because he can’t be separated. All of this is because he is at this stage, not enough nutrition in his heart, that is, his sense of security is not enough, not enough security he will not be able to separate. He will not be able to become an independent and independent person, tied to love. To be emotionally connected is to be emotionally connected to others. If he doesn’t, his whole being will be filled with fear and dread. And that’s when we can do for our children is to be very mindful of the relationship between the couple. The best thing you can give your child is not material things, the child is so young, he does not need so many material things, but a good relationship between the parents. If the parents have a good relationship, he is naturally very happy, because the child’s world is his parents. If parents fight a lot and accuse each other a lot, the child will be afraid, and when he can’t express his fear he will deal with it with a lot of odd behavior. So when we see our child behaving oddly, it means that the child does not know how to deal with his own emotions. The couple relationship is most important during the first years of the child’s development. On the other hand, it is important that the mother not be too anxious. A mother who is too anxious has a hard time letting go of her child. We often like to do what we think is best for our children, and we often let them do and not do what they want, when in reality, the best thing at this time is that we sit on the sidelines and let our child be able to experiment with his growth according to his own needs then. Wait until he runs back and wants a hug from his mother, pick up, hug a little, you will find that he feels secure, he wants to come down again, then you will put him down. The worst thing is that when we are in a good mood today, we pick up the child and play, and when we are very busy, the child comes and says to him, “No, no, no, you go to XXX.” This is very bad, the child will be messy. The best scenario is one that is not hard work. Mom and dad don’t have to work so hard, and the child doesn’t have to work hard. So, parents, just sit over there and be able to let your child see your face, and that’s it. Wait until he runs over, let you hug you then hug, he does not want to hug, let him go play, and you do not bother him. If he invites you to play, play with him. As long as this is done naturally, the child will go through this period very well. Truly become an independent person physically and psychologically. The best function of a mother is to give her child a sense of security So we believe that the best function of a mother is to give her child a sense of security. How do you give your child a sense of security? With your emotional stability, your child will naturally feel secure. Even in the establishment of security, the mother’s function is greater than the father’s. This is because the child’s separation is mainly from the mother. But the insecure mother will often be in anxiety, afraid of the child growing up, afraid of this and that, and also emotional outbursts. You can’t let your child have peace of mind. If the mother does not feel secure, then the child will not feel secure. That’s why it’s important for a mother to stay calm. The best mom for her child is the one who is willing to learn and make herself emotionally stable, and her child will feel secure. Follow your child’s growth. Most importantly, sit on the sidelines, but you know what he needs when he needs it, and when he runs over and has a need, meet him, and when he is satisfied, he will naturally go away. The mother must also reflect on herself, and if she has emotions, she must find a way to deal with her emotions before facing her child. You can’t give your emotions to your child. The reason why your child will always bother you is because his needs are not being met, so he will always want. In fact, he does not need a lot of, can not say, I like when she eats this and that mess, when I am not happy, push him away to the side. He doesn’t want much, he just wants you to hug him when he wants you to hug him! In this way, the child is gradually separated from his mother, separated from his father, until he is completely separated and becomes an independent individual and at this time he has an “I”. The most important thing a 4-5 year old needs is “affirmation” When he has this “I”, then by the age of 4-5, he needs psychological nutrition: affirmation, praise, recognition. This part is more important for the father than for the mother. The father’s praise, affirmation and approval of the child, whether it is for the son or daughter, it is particularly heavy, if the father is willing to say so seriously to the child: child I like you very much, I am very happy that you are my child. Then this sentence, the child will remember for life, and happy for life. If the father is willing to appreciate the child in this part and express it with words and actions, the child will be confident, and the real confidence comes from within himself. He knows that he is a valuable person. Because he will think, “My mom and dad think I’m good, my mom and dad think I’m cute. Then when he grows up, he must be full of confidence. After this child will have such a self-confidence, he will have a new me and will understand who I am and what kind of a person I am. Then he can have the confidence to face his life. To face the various issues, problems in his life. Ask your father to do this. Be willing to affirm your child, to express to him: I like you very much, you are great! At the trust level, a father’s affirmation is given more weight than a mother’s affirmation. The difference between a father and a mother is that a father who affirms, to a girl, she will feel that she is a very good girl and as a female she is very good. To a boy, he will feel that as a son the male part of himself is a very good boy. The father has a greater role in gender identity. Many of the reasons why there are many gay men in society are the result of a problematic relationship with the father. Let the father affirm him and praise him, and the child will go through this period smoothly. Children 6-7 years old need a model for learning Children 6-7 years old need psychological nourishment: learning, cognition, and modeling. During this period, it is important to have someone who can be a role model for the child. This model can help him solve: What do I do when I have a problem? What do I do if I’m in a bad mood? What do I do if I disagree with someone else? Showing him how to manage his emotions and how to deal with problems in his life is something he needs to learn, and this learning comes from a role model. If the child can have these words: first he needs people to accept him unconditionally, to make him think he is the most important. Next he needs to feel secure, so that he can be independent, then he needs affirmation, praise and recognition, and by the age of seven he is learning to recognize the model. This is the most important part of psychological nutrition. Of course, he grows up again, he can choose, need more life some ability. But psychologically, the most important period for him is until the age of seven. If the child is given enough psychological nutrition until the age of seven, he will naturally have the vitality to learn and learn new things. If not, if there is a deficit, he will not be able to have adult goals. He will be in a constant state of searching. Let people affirm him, let people praise him. He will not be able to develop a good life force at his age. It is best to start early with this psychological nutrition. If not, there is no question of whether it is late or not, when you realize that you have discovered it, when you can start. If you find the first signs of it, start doing it now. If there is a deficiency, the first thing to deal with must be the relationship between mom and dad, or mom and dad and child. Then give him affirmation and tell him that he is important. Be willing to listen to him and meet his needs as they arise. The child’s initial psychological nourishment must be given by that significant other. The first important person is the parents, or grandparents, grandma and grandpa, or aunts. However, the latter two, can not do, also depends on the child’s character to decide. As for why a child will choose mom and dad as the first significant other, there is no reason, just like people looking for a relationship. And if the parents do not choose this significant other. And the child does not choose another, the child will definitely have a psychological deficiency.