A. Parents’ unconditional love makes children confident Psychologists believe that children’s self-confidence and affirmation of their value as a person fundamentally comes from parents’ unconditional love (unconditional love). What is unconditional love? When a child comes into the world, American parents say to their children: “Baby, whether you are healthy or sick, smart or stupid, obedient or mischievous, pretty or ugly, good or bad at school, mommy and daddy will always love you and raise you until you become an independent person. This is unconditional love. The fact that I love you simply because you are my child has nothing to do with what kind of a child you are. They love their children, enjoy the process of their growth to the fullest, enjoy the joy they bring to them, and treat them with respect, encouragement, appreciation, and trust. With the love of his parents behind him, the child is fearless no matter what he encounters outside: “My parents love me and affirm me.” He is very secure in his heart, knowing that he has the inexhaustible power to face the whole world. Parents who can love their children unconditionally are confident people who are sure of themselves, so they don’t impose their unfulfilled ideals on their children or force their children to do things they haven’t done for them. They know that each child has his or her own characteristics, and will encourage the child to be himself or herself, to build on his or her strengths and avoid his or her weaknesses, believing that the child will eventually grow up to be an independent and self-reliant person. The most important thing a child desires in his heart is the love and unconditional love of his parents. Because he is the baby of his parents, not because he is a “piano prodigy” or a “math genius”, or because he has won any awards. If the parents’ love is conditional: your parents will be satisfied only when you study well, and only when you win the prize in the Olympiad will they be happy, the child will doubt himself, lose confidence in himself, and learn to put on snobbish glasses to face love and care. Parents who unrealistically repeatedly put forward high standards for their children, children in the long run will become nervous, anxious, and worried. Psychiatrists believe that most children with psychological problems can be traced back to their family upbringing. Parents have more influence on the child’s personality and emotions than school and society. Second, respect makes children confident Confidence, from self-esteem, a person first self-respect, then self-confidence. Self-esteem is a person’s affirmation of his own self-worth, which is internal and concerns only himself, a self-perception that cannot be shaken by external circumstances. Self-esteem initially comes from the respect he receives from the outside world. In order for a child to be confident, both parents and society must first respect him. American schools have always emphasized “encouraging education” and “respectful education”, which means that they want students to develop a positive self-concept, not to feel inferior because of comparing their strengths with others, and to realize that everyone is a unique individual with his or her own strengths. Maybe he is not good at math, but he is good at people and has leadership skills; maybe he is not good at composition, but he is good at drawing and has artistic skills; maybe he is not good at expression, but he is good at sports. Teachers and parents should help the child find his strengths and create opportunities for his strengths to play, thus establishing his self-confidence. A friend was a top student growing up and got into the biology department at BYU and later got his PhD in molecular biology at Princeton University. After graduation, she worked in a famous big pharmaceutical company. In the company she often felt angry, because those American colleagues are far less technical knowledge than her, but everyone feels very good about themselves, open mouth is: “I have the most profound understanding of this problem ……” “I make this subject I have made a breakthrough in this subject ……” while she, however, is always looking for her own shortcomings and never has the courage to say how well she has done in meetings, when in fact she has contributed more than all of them. She felt that compared with the Americans, she was the strongest in strength, what was lacking was a self-confidence, because of this she lost many opportunities in the company. When her own children went to school, she participated in school activities, she said with great emotion that American parents and teachers have much respect for children, there is a child in the class with obvious brain problems, the teacher is always encouraging, ten questions to do a right, the teacher immediately let him go to the front of that a problem to show everyone, we applauded together to encourage him to continue to work hard, without the slightest sarcasm sarcasm. This kind of environment to grow up in the child can not have confidence? Whereas when we were children, if we didn’t do well in an exam, our parents scolded us, and if we broke discipline, the teacher told you to stand in front of the classroom to be criticized by everyone, so where is the dignity? She said, “Like me, the top students in the school are hit by the confidence of all, let alone those poor students, no wonder so many students who do not learn well are to break the pot.” American adults respect children as adults: parents enter their children’s rooms to knock; move or use the child’s things should get his permission; any decisions involving children should be discussed with them first; do not feel free to look through their children’s diaries or other private …… This spirit of respect is what our society lacks. A child who is not respected not only has no self-confidence, he will not know how to respect others later because no one has shown him how. Educationalists have concluded after in-depth studies that there is nothing more important in the growth of children than to develop their self-confidence. With self-confidence, children will have the strength to overcome the difficulties they encounter in life and approach life with an attitude of hard work and enterprise. So when children are small, parents’ priority is not to let children learn to recognize how many words, memorize how many poems, do how many questions, but to respect the child’s small feelings, to develop a child’s self-confidence to. Three, appreciation makes children confident Every person has a psychological need to be affirmed and appreciated. If a child feels that he or she is appreciated by others and that he or she is important and meaningful to others, then he or she will naturally develop a feeling of pleasure and self-affirmation. A child’s mind is still immature and often positions itself according to what others say about it, especially parents and teachers. If he is often praised, his heart is filled with pride and confidence, and he feels that he is excellent and special. On the contrary, if the child usually hears reprimands, criticism, reproach and even sarcasm, a small fault is caught by parents endlessly criticized, he will feel that he is a failure, nothing can be done, he will deny his own ability, resulting in low self-esteem, and then lose enthusiasm for learning and life. Therefore, parents should be more appreciative of their children in life to encourage less blame and criticism, when the child in a certain area of progress, do not spare their praise and praise, do not be afraid of the child to “boast to know the sky” “boast proud of the “, confident children are encouraged out. When a child encounters failure or child behavior has faults, can not be a total denial of the child to say that he is worthless, not to mention the anger of the child fists and feet, this approach will seriously hurt the child’s self-esteem, leaving trauma in the child’s mind. In the United States, families, schools and society as a whole take an encouraging and appreciative attitude toward children. One time when my daughter was in second grade, her class was working with another class to rehearse a performance for parents. On that day, in the school’s large conference room, parents from both classes sat in rows with cameras and camcorders. The children took turns singing, dancing, reciting, and acting out small dramas on stage. I noticed that the poetry recitation was read by everyone in turn, and each student had basically the same chance to perform, with three or four independent performances. The more able children would memorize the lines and recite them by heart, while others would read them by hand, all receiving the loudest applause from their parents for their performances. In 2002, then-President George W. Bush signed the No Child Left Behind education decree. In the form of legislation, schools are required to improve the knowledge of all students and close or eliminate the academic gap between disadvantaged groups (such as poor students) and the best students. In fact, schools in the United States do not just let no child fall behind in academic achievement, but also give all students equal opportunities and the right to participate in all activities in arts and sports whenever possible. In elementary school sports, every child competes in basketball, soccer, baseball and other sports teams, as well as in the orchestra and string band, and anyone who wants to participate can sign up, not on a case-by-case basis. Whether it was a performance or a competition, the audience was always applauding to encourage the children. From the first grade on, class officers were rotated, and everyone was eligible to speak at the podium, so they could speak any way they wanted. The teacher would praise the child for his special point of view and courage when he spoke in a rambling, stumbling manner. The teacher always tries to pick out the child’s strengths and highlights and praise them, while ignoring the child’s weaknesses. Over time, the child’s good points will become better and better, and the strengths will grow longer and longer. The child gains confidence because of his or her strengths. When I first came across teachers in American schools, I thought my own child was luckier to have met a good teacher, but then I realized that almost every teacher is like that, and realized that encouraging students to discover their child’s strengths is the most basic quality required of a teacher. American parents believe that most of the shortcomings in character and behavior that show up in their children are related to poor parenting and poor role modeling. Therefore, there are no bad children, only parents who do not know how to bring up their children. The parents often deny their children’s feelings intentionally or unintentionally and say things that they do not trust their children. For example, if a child says it’s too hot and doesn’t want to wear a coat, we will rebuke the child: Hot what is hot? Mom is not hot at all. If the child wants to help carry the plate, the mother immediately says, “You can’t carry it steadily, look at the plate you’ve knocked.” If a child complains that homework is difficult, we say, “How come you can’t do it but others can? You must not be listening well in class.” When a child wants to try something new, some parents say, “Come on, I don’t know what you can do, don’t make a fool of yourself.” Even when a child is looking for a date as an adult, parents are still unsure of their child’s vision. The child in the eyes of the parents will always be “no hair on the mouth to do not firm” people, even parents do not trust the child’s judgment, his self-confidence comes from? Parents repeatedly deny their children’s ideas and practices when they are young, they kill their children’s self-confidence and independence little by little. Therefore, as a parent, you should trust your child’s feelings and judgment. If your child says it’s hot and refuses to wear a coat, then feel your child’s little hands to see if they are hot. You can hold the coat for him and put it on him when he needs it. If he finds the course too difficult, analyze with him what is difficult, find the crux, and help him unravel it. If he wants to try anything, give him the opportunity to try it, give him full trust and the chance to learn. Confidence, a person’s true inner confidence, is cultivated from an early age, and the most important way to cultivate it is for parents to set an example by first having enough confidence in their own children: whether or not their children have won awards, regardless of their test scores, regardless of which major they study or which university they go to, or even whether or not they go to college, as long as their children have good moral character and know what they are doing now and what they want to do in the future, as long as they have good moral character and know what they are doing now. If the child has good moral character, knows what he is doing now and what he wants to do in the future, and pursues his ideal in a practical manner, then he will develop a sky of his own in the future world. A truly confident person does not rely on the external values of education, work achievement, money, and appearance to support him, he determines his own value, and his inner peace comes from this.