Definition of Premature Ejaculation
There are two definitions of premature ejaculation: one is the domestic definition of premature ejaculation in which the penis enters the vagina at the end of ejaculation, or ejaculation in which intercourse does not exceed one minute; the other is the foreign definition of premature ejaculation in which more than 50% of the times of intercourse are ejaculated before female orgasm.
Why is the definition of premature ejaculation so different between domestic and foreign countries? It’s just a matter of perception. I personally think that domestic focus is on the biological function of sex; foreign focus is on the social function of sex.
1, the domestic definition: If sex is only for reproduction, then the domestic definition of premature ejaculation “the end of the penis can enter the vagina that ejaculation, or sexual intercourse not more than a minute that ejaculation is called premature ejaculation” is the correct definition. Of course, such a definition is only from a purely biological point of view, such a definition does not take into account the social meaning of sex, and does not take into account the feelings of women in any way. Don’t underestimate the significance of “definitions”. It is not uncommon to see cases of sexual counseling where the woman is dissatisfied with the status quo of her sex life and asks the man to take responsibility and take the initiative to seek change, some men will quote the “expert” definition and say: “Experts and books say that intercourse lasting more than a minute is normal! I do not have a problem, if we have a problem, it is your problem!” At this point the woman, in addition to complaining about the man’s selfishness, strong arguments, it is difficult to have any good feelings about these “experts”.
Studies at home and abroad have shown that more than 75% of men ejaculate within 2-6 minutes of intercourse, while women generally need at least 8-15 minutes of intercourse stimulation time to reach orgasm. If we follow the foreign definition of premature ejaculation, wouldn’t that mean that many men are premature? Unfortunately, this is true. Social surveys made in China show that “nearly 80% of women don’t know what orgasm is all about”, and one of the most important reasons for this is that men ejaculate prematurely, caused by too short a duration of intercourse. Isn’t this a contradiction? Except for the lucky 25%, those 75% of men are premature ejaculation? You only consider women’s feelings, but not men’s feelings? How do you ask men to live? Yes, from an evolutionary point of view, premature ejaculation can be said to be innate. In the long evolutionary process, our ancestors survived in an extremely harsh environment. The harsh living environment requires men to end mating as soon as possible, to be prepared to protect themselves and their sexual partners from the possible harm of the beasts roaming around at any time. And women need about 30 minutes of lying down time for sperm to enter the fallopian tube and the egg to unite (fertilization), which is the most basic source of sexual disharmony. From another point of view, premature ejaculation is just a “perception disease”. If you think it’s a disease, it’s a disease; if you think it’s not a disease, it’s not a disease. What is the explanation? If you were born in the not-so-distant past, in the era of absolute male dominance, when men did not have the responsibility to satisfy women, of course you would not feel that you had a “problem”. Besides, in those days, “good women” there can be like those “sluts”, “unashamed” demand orgasm? So, in those days, most men belonged to normal men, the idea of “premature ejaculation” did not exist in their minds.
Female dissatisfaction? Was there any? If so, it is only in their hearts, who cares? If you encounter such a “slut”, you will not repudiate her? Let her go to Simon Qing. Well, or, in those days, the women of Ximen Qing may not all suffer from misfortune, at least they were sexually happy. Oh, that’s too far, sorry. In modern times, with the rapid improvement in the status of women, for men, the “good old days” of the male power era seems to be coming to an end. Sex is no longer a one-way outlet for men, the emergence of the term “sexual harmony” is very well positioned: sex is a matter of two people. “Everyone’s good is really good”. The concept of “premature ejaculation” will emerge only when there is a requirement for “harmony”. For most men living in modern society, just rely on the drive of reproductive instinct to have sex is not enough, to achieve and enjoy the “sexual harmony” life, must master the method of sexual behavior regulation, master the necessary sexual skills. This can be said to be the growth of men’s “mandatory course”. Unfortunately, many men are unaware of this, and society has never provided guidance in this area. Only a small percentage of men can successfully pass this important juncture in their lives.
In fact, even if the “experts” say that sexual intercourse lasting more than a minute (or two minutes) is normal, men who have been exposed to a little knowledge about the subject know that it is not so. It is only because of the ignorance of the “behavior control, self-improvement”, can not see the opportunity and the possibility of change, it has no choice but to choose this as a pretext to escape reality. Some people say that premature ejaculation is a “woman’s disease” and that it is only women who suffer, which is one-sided. It is important to know that men with premature ejaculation have a great sense of frustration. If you have the misfortune to hear a word “useless”, then his self-esteem, self-confidence will be doubly hit, his pain is by no means less than women. Sex is a common experience of life for two people, and the unhappiness of either party will make the sex life pale in comparison. Sexual disharmony is also the most common trigger for family conflicts. Dr. Hamilton of the United States said, “Only a very prejudiced and imprudent marriage expert would say that most marital conflicts are not caused by sexual disharmony. In any case, conflicts arising from other difficulties can many times be nullified if the relationship itself is satisfactory.” Recent domestic divorce statistics report that sexual disharmony is one of the major causes of marital breakdown today.
In summary, I personally believe that the domestic definition of premature ejaculation is inaccurate and does not point out the essence of the matter.
2, foreign definition: foreign definition of premature ejaculation “more than 50% of the number of sexual intercourse, ejaculation before the female orgasm is called premature ejaculation.” This is based on the subjective feelings of women, which is more in line with the basic principle of “sexual harmony”. At the same time, when men can bring women the enjoyment of orgasm, men can not only meet the original physiological orgasm (ejaculation), but also meet the male need to “conquer” the opposite sex and enjoy the higher level of spiritual enjoyment of “giving” women orgasm. Therefore, I think that the foreign definition of premature ejaculation is more reasonable. But this also brings out two questions.
One, it is said that “domestic and international studies have shown that more than 75% of men ejaculate within 2-6 minutes of intercourse, while women generally need at least 8-15 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm.” Really? Does that mean that there are just as many men abroad who are premature ejaculators?
This is a more comprehensive answer: on the one hand, “more than 75% of men ejaculate within 2-6 minutes of intercourse” data from the 1950s during the sexual enlightenment. In European and American societies, after years of unremitting publicity and popularization by sex scientists, as well as under the effective guidance of many sex therapy clinics and sex therapy schools, many men were able to learn to regulate their sexual behavior through behavioral learning, thus effectively prolonging men’s sexual intercourse time. In recent years, some organizations have conducted statistics by means of online surveys and found that about 50% of men claim that their intercourse time is between 15-30 minutes. Of course, such online statistics can only be used as a reference, not strict data; on the other hand, even in European and American societies, patients with premature ejaculation are by no means in the minority. Some international students living in European and American societies told me that in European and American societies, there are quite a few premature ejaculation patients who cannot afford to pay for expensive sexual counseling, and they have formed various premature ejaculation forums online to exchange information and experience with each other and support each other. The high popularity of these forums also confirms that premature ejaculation is a common problem for many men around the world. So, some men in Europe and the United States promote sexual harmony, pay attention to the feelings of the woman to put forward the slogan “there is love, the whole body is a sexual organ.” The man who has some life experience, think carefully, will understand what it means.
Another question is, if the subjective feeling of the woman is the standard. So, is it too harsh for the sexual partners of women who have a hard time reaching orgasm? It is true that a small number of women need longer or more intense sexual stimulation to reach orgasm. If the standard is based on the woman’s subjective feelings, then objectivity would be lost. In such cases, an additional correction should be made: if the man usually has intercourse for 15 minutes and the woman often fails to reach orgasm, the woman’s cause should be considered.
The causes of premature ejaculation
One, to figure out the causes of premature ejaculation, first of all, we need to understand what factors determine the length of sexual intercourse.
The human sexual response is a very complex, almost all organs of the human body involved in the process of behavioral responses, of which, many details are still not completely clear. Here, I am not doing academic research, I will try to make it as simple as possible, and try to explain it in a language we can understand, hoping to explain the process clearly. Sexual behavior is a “stimulus-response” behavior pattern, both animals and humans are the same. However, the human sexual response is more complex and involves more factors. Let’s take animals as an example. The sexual response of animals is relatively simple and belongs to the simple “stimulus-response” pattern. For animals, the factor that can bring the animal effective stimulation is clear and single, that is, the pheromone.
For example, when a female animal is sexually mature and the time is right for conception, she secretes a pheromone that is emitted into the air. The male animal is told, “I’m fit to conceive now, come have sex with me.” At this point, people will say, “This animal is in heat.” The smell of the pheromones secreted by the female animal is the only effective sexual stimulation signal for the male animal, prompting him to seek out the smell and seize the moment to capture this fleeting opportunity to reproduce. It is important to understand that many animals come into heat only once a year. Animals do not have the urge to have sex because a female is young, beautiful, well-built, etc. These factors are meaningless to animals. The only thing that constitutes a sexual stimulus for the animal is the female’s pheromones. Even, this stimulation can make the animal blind, regardless of the male and female. A researcher once applied a pheromone secreted by a female dog in heat to a dog that was not in heat, and other male dogs became sexually interested by being misled, regardless of whether the dog coated with the pheromone was female or male. Thus, the sexual response pattern of animals is primitive and simple.
Although there is no final authoritative conclusion on whether humans have pheromones. However, most people agree that pheromones exist in humans, but it is much less important for the effectiveness of sexual stimulation in humans than in animals. In a broad sense, when the conditions are right, all stimulus signals received by the sensory organs of the human body can be considered as sexual stimulus signals. For example, the visual (female appearance, naked body visual stimulation), auditory (pleasant to the ear, emotional words), olfactory (female unique smell), tactile (body skin, sexual organs of close contact, friction) are effective sources of sexual stimulation.
It is because all the sensory organs in the human male body can receive stimulation and stimulate the emergence of sexual response. Therefore, humans can not be like male dogs, sniffing pheromones (sexual stimulation signals) regardless of the other party is male or female, blindly trying to mate. Humans need to have a “signal analysis and processing system” to analyze, judge, decide the strength of the response, inhibit the sexual response or let the sexual response to develop deeper.
Therefore, the human sexual response pattern is “stimulation – brain sexual center (central processor) – to respond”.
For example, in daily life, people can often receive a variety of sexual stimulation signals of different strengths and weaknesses: the excellent opposite sex on the street, sexy and attractive dress, charming smile, open and revealing clothing, eye-catching hot pictures, images and so on. These sexual stimulation signals into the brain after the sexual center, the “brain CPU” after analysis and processing, to make the “conditions are not appropriate” judgment, not to let the sexual response to the deep development; On the contrary, if the two sides love each other, in a safe and private place, both sides have to carry out On the contrary, if the two parties in love, in a safe and private place, both parties have the will to have sex, in each other’s appearance, voice, naked body, caress and other mutual stimulation, “brain CPU” feel that the conditions are appropriate, decided to let the sexual response to the deep development, to complete the complete sexual response (sexual intercourse) process.
Of course, this “stimulation – brain sex center (CPU) – to respond” process is very complex, subject to the influence of various factors. Among them, the sexual center of the brain is the key, and this “brain CPU” is closely related to the emergence of functional impotence, sexual indifference, psychosexual abnormalities, sexual preference disorders, etc., but this is not the content of this article.
There is another important internal factor that affects the final appearance of ejaculation, which is relatively difficult to understand. This important internal factor is the sexual arousal of the sexual center of the brain. As mentioned above, the sensory organs of the human body are responsible for receiving signals of sexual stimulation, and the brain responds sexually to these signals of sexual stimulation, which is the “sexual excitement”, when the sexual excitement accumulates and superimposes to a sufficient degree, which is what we said above exceeds the highest intensity of stimulation tolerated by the individual (threshold). Normally, even without the influence of external sexual stimulation, the human brain’s sexual center maintains a certain level of arousal, which you can understand as “basic sexual arousal”. Normally, it is necessary to maintain a moderate level of arousal in the sexual centers of the brain. If it is too low, it will show a decrease in libido or even sexual indifference; if it is too high, it will represent a state of sexual arousal or sexual hunger. This artificial grading, to make an analogy may be easier to understand: the highest degree of sexual excitement in the sexual center as level 10, sexual excitement level 10 on behalf of orgasm (ejaculation); sexual excitement level 5 as the state of sexual activity in daily life; below level 4 on behalf of libido decline, sexual responsiveness decline, serious or even sexual apathy; higher than level 6 on behalf of the state of sexual arousal, or sexual thirst.
Second, the behavioral causes of premature ejaculation.
The vast majority of premature ejaculation is functional, and functional means that there is no problem with the body organs. So, in a strict sense, premature ejaculation is not a “disease” in the traditional sense. It is a psychological study, and not a part of the traditional hospital treatment. However, I personally don’t like to use the term “psychological causes” because it often confuses the patient: “I’m psychologically normal, how can I say I have a psychological problem?” Therefore, I prefer to use the term “behavioral causes”. For more details, see Why do premature ejaculation and impotence (functional) belong to the psychological category?
The human sexual system is the latest organ of the body to mature. When the male sexual organ matures, a matching sexual reflex system needs to be established. We know that when a man matures sexually, the testes begin to produce sperm, and the mature sperm eventually needs to be expelled from the body in order to accomplish its ultimate reproductive goal of finding an egg with which to unite. The process of forming this sexual reflex mechanism is extremely complex and has a wide and far-reaching impact. In the process of its formation, it is also the process of formation of individual’s sexual concept, sexual preference, sexual orientation and so on. Here, we only discuss the behavioral reasons that affect the duration of sexual intercourse.
1. Wrong way of masturbation is the most common cause of premature ejaculation in the future.
The biggest feature of modern people is that sexual maturity is getting earlier and earlier, and the age of first marriage is getting later and later. In the case of men, for example, boys now start to develop and mature sexually at the age of 11 or 12; but there are many modern men who get married only after 30. Even now, pre-marital cohabitation is gradually increasing, but after all, this is also mostly after the 20s. Thus, there is a long “sexual gap”. During this period, for the majority of men, masturbation is the only way to choose to excrete the energy of sexual impulses. Therefore, domestic and international studies have shown that more than 90% of men have experienced masturbation. I agree with the majority of sexologists that “moderate masturbation is not harmful to health”, but here, I mainly analyze the causes of premature ejaculation due to wrong masturbation methods.
Behavioral studies have found that the best time to achieve the desired goal is to intervene when organ function is beginning to build but not yet mature. How to understand this statement? For example, when an infant is given a good language environment at the peak of language center development, the child is likely to have good language skills later. We know that the evolutionary process leading to shorter sexual response time in men and relatively longer sexual response time in women is an innate factor leading to sexual disharmony. Therefore, if you can give the correct behavioral intervention and guidance when the sexual development starts to mature and the sexual reflex pattern starts to be established, it is easy to achieve the expected goal of sexual harmony in the future sexual life.
2, miss the “honeymoon sex regulation” time.
Here the “honeymoon” is a broad term, referring to the first period of time just starting to have a real sex life. For anyone, engaged in a lot of operating behavior in the beginning of a period of time, are from learning to mastery of the key time, if you miss this time, afterwards to correct will become half the effort. This is especially true of sex. The reasons for missing the “honeymoon sex adjustment” are two of the most common.
One, some people may not have too much masturbation experience, but very early to have a real sex life. But after all, because of the young, belong to the “forbidden fruit” behavior. The reason is that they are not recognized by their families and society, so they can only “sneak around” to find the time and place to have sex. Because of the fear of being discovered, the motivation for sex is to try the “forbidden fruit” and vent the desire. In the tension and pressure to have sex, the subconscious mind is prone to ejaculate as soon as possible, to end sex to eliminate tension and pressure, prone to a touch, hastily ended. At the same time, they also miss the best time to learn the best self-regulation of sexual behavior.
Another situation is that some people masturbate very little and only really have intercourse after they get married. But because no one has ever told them about the concept of “honeymoon sex regulation”, they don’t know how to regulate it. Therefore, they can only rely on instinct to have sex. The man’s primitive sexual reflexes are not enough to satisfy his partner for a few minutes. The company is also at a loss and helpless in the honeymoon sexual adjustment time, can only accept the “a few minutes of money” brought about by the regret.
The concept is important when it comes to “honeymoon sexual conditioning”. If the man does not have the concept of “bringing pleasure to the woman”, or even know that women also need to be sexually satisfied, he will not do any “sexual conditioning” at all. To take a somewhat extreme example. A helper described it this way: “Since I was a child, I was raised very strictly, and my parents had a poor relationship… I thought that what happens between men and women is only comfortable for men and uncomfortable for women. When you get married, you want to have sex as soon as possible, so as not to make the woman too uncomfortable… It was not until later that I learned that the woman also needs sexual satisfaction. But at this time want to shift but do not know how should go.”
3, other not uncommon wrong behavior factors.
A few young people, in the “sexual blank period”, to the sex places to find the way to give vent to desire. Because of the fear of public security inspection, fear of friends and relatives found, fear of STDs, etc., nervous and afraid of the majority of them choose the quick way to hastily end. Coupled with such a sexual affair for the young lady, just a variety of business, of course, she hopes that the faster the better, not to mention the luxury of cooperation with what can be said. After getting used to this kind of fast finish of ejaculation, premature ejaculation is easy to form.
A less common condition is a wrong sexual behavior called “rubbing syndrome”. This is a form of sexual preference disorder that requires psychological treatment in severe cases. Patients with rubbing disorder achieve orgasm and ejaculation by rubbing their genitals against women’s bodies in crowded places (buses, markets, movie theaters, etc.). After getting used to ejaculation with a little stimulation, the sense of genital touch becomes overly sensitive. When it comes to real intercourse, it is easy to ejaculate before inserting the vagina, which is a more serious form of premature ejaculation.
Third, other factors that lead to premature ejaculation.
1, physical health factors: the human body has a perfect self-protection system. At any time, this protection system is to put physical health in the first place. In comparison to this, sex is only secondary. When weakness, fatigue, lack of rest or other physical diseases, is not suitable for sexual life. If you force yourself to have sex at this time, your body will instinctively make protective measures to end intercourse as soon as possible to protect your health. This phenomenon will be understood by many men, when the “state is not good”, most of the ejaculation to end up in a hurry. At this point, the only advice is: learn first kidney after the heart of this basic principle of sexual health care.
2, mental, environmental factors: bad mood, emotional problems, or poor lovemaking environment, too nervous and worried will affect the sexual interest in love, mood, subconscious desire to end sex as soon as possible, leading to premature ejaculation.
3, foreskin is too long: especially the usual foreskin is too long, erection and can reveal the glans, most likely to lead to premature ejaculation appear. Normally, because the glans is overprotected by the foreskin, the nerve sensation becomes very sensitive. When erect, the exposed glans mucosa is particularly sensitive to external stimuli, and some people even have the feeling of being “electrocuted” by slight contact. The close sexual organ contact and friction during sexual intercourse is an overly strong sexual stimulation signal to the sexual center of the brain, which translates into a high degree of sexual excitement and thus a touch of premature ejaculation.
If you’re looking for a new way to get the most out of your home, you’ll be able to get the most out of it. The actual fact is that you should not be forced to have sexual intercourse when you have a urethritis.
Here is a special mention of prostatitis. The majority of people who find themselves with premature ejaculation or impotence, according to the amount of “medical information” they receive in their daily lives, often the first time they think they are suffering from prostatitis and begin the journey to seek medical attention. I have already discussed this phenomenon with “Chinese characteristics” in detail on premature ejaculation, impotence and prostatitis and prostatitis.
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