Mi Mou, male, 20 years old, from Jinzhou City, Hebei Province Diagnosis: OCD
History: 3 months ago, the patient encountered something, appear repeatedly consider how to forget this thing, gradually this thing has been unable to remember, but then performance always repeatedly consider how to forget this thing similar words, repeatedly dwell on this sentence, feel meaningless, trying to resist, but can not work. The mood is gradually depressed, can not learn to study, do not want to read books. When you are depressed, you don’t want to talk and interact with others, and you lie in bed at home. He is upset and sometimes wants to drop things, but he can still control himself.
He was very willing to accept the psychotherapy and had very high expectations, so we conducted a seven-day internal psychotherapy session for him.
Summary of the internal observation record.
Day 1: Through today’s introspection, I felt that I could better understand and accept my mother. My mother is not easy, and the love she gave me is something I can never repay. When I was a child, I did not know how to be grateful to my mother, but I gave her a lot of trouble and made her sad countless times. When I grew up, I failed to mature, and I still couldn’t understand my mother, but I became more rebellious and rejected all her opinions. In retrospect, this rebellion was really harmful and childish. However, it was not the right choice to obey my mother’s words. I think I should have my own opinion and then listen to my mother with humility, try to avoid conflicts with her and talk things over. My mother is not a very likeable person, objectively speaking. True, she had so many flaws, but then, who doesn’t have flaws. Through today’s internal reflection, I realized that I used to be so critical of my mother that I had overlooked her many strengths, such as her kindness, love, and concern for others, which are also worth learning from.
For my own failures in certain areas, such as mentality, character, etc., I used to blame my mother’s inappropriate education style. It is true that my mother’s way of education is not very good, but she did try her best to do her duty as a mother, and some of the setbacks in her own growth are necessary to experience, and she has a great responsibility.
Day 2: Today is the second day, more in shape than yesterday, but also more exhausted and in more pain. Still, I listened to the doctor’s words that some pain must be endured because we are seeking long-lasting improvement and growth.
The object of today’s internal observation was my father, and through it, I gradually felt the mountainous love my father has poured into me for many years. His love is not easy to notice because it is silent and unrequited. He incorporates it into the little happiness in life, the teaching, the delicious meals, the pride and encouragement every time I achieve good results. Unlike my mother, my father did not spoil me, but wanted to raise me to be a man, a man who understood human affairs and could shoulder responsibility. Maybe he was too quick-tempered, maybe I was too rebellious, too ungrateful, too ignorant, and more often than not I couldn’t appreciate his good intentions and let his efforts go to waste.
I have to admit, I missed too many opportunities to grow up, maybe we are all responsible, but is it necessary to settle this “account” clearly? The blame is only hurting people and hurting themselves. I now understand that some things do not need to be explained, we just need to see: “W, it is this way, perhaps, it should have been.” So, accept it all and feel the good things in life, like my father and mother, the love they gave me.
My thinking is too rational, over-emphasizing logic, and I like to borrow or make up my own “theories” to convince myself. Maybe this is a huge misunderstanding, I really hope I can think more emotionally, more “feeling” rather than “reasoning”, the future is long, maybe there is no hurry.
Day 3: Today, I did the internal view of my grandmother, grandma, grandpa and sister. Through the memories of the past, I felt a strong sense of kinship.
I lived in my grandmother’s house for about 6 years when I was a child and developed a close relationship with her. Grandma was an affable yet stern old woman. She was mostly amiable and very good at coaxing me. Most of the time she tried to follow me, but if I was naughty or did something out of the ordinary, she would criticize and educate me in a measured manner. But unlike my mother, who designed many rules and regulations for me and set ambitious goals for what kind of talents I should become, my grandmother’s discipline was relaxed and comfortable, giving me enough freedom and allowing me to gradually understand things. When I was younger, I lived at my grandmother’s house, and my relationship with her was a more natural one of relying and being relied on, and being cared for and pampered. It was the most carefree time I had as a child, and the memories are full of sweetness. Then I recalled the story of growing up, my grandmother had cerebral thrombosis, life has been unable to take care of themselves, see my father and aunt to her not afraid of dirty, not afraid of tired care, carrying shit and urine, I actually wooden. Now I think about it with great regret, and then my grandmother passed away, and went in a hurry. I also remembered the humor and fun she used to build in, her busy back when cooking, her words when gossiping …… I cried, at this point, I understood that the original true feelings is the expression of an unknown kind of moving. I had wooden, but there is also true love.
The memory of my little sister cried even more, but now I feel unable to write anything, some feelings can not be expressed in words. I only remember that she called me “brother”, and that was the sweetest voice in the world.
Day 4: Today, I did the internal view of my uncle, my partner and my teacher.
I thanked my uncle for his silent dedication to me, and I want to learn his skills in dealing with people, because I have learned to be a nerd for so many years, and I am ashamed of my indifference to family and human feelings.
My friends in elementary school left me with good memories, but also let me see in the memories of what I did wrong. I used to treat my friend with too much blame, and once I complained about his shortcomings in front of his fucking face, and I didn’t give him face. There are no flaws, good friends together should be cherished, share and touch each other.
The table in junior high school Zhao is more like a mirror, let me reflect on my own problems in retrospect. I often complain about Xiao Zhao’s petty, unreasonable, and now stand in his shoes as if I myself was also quite petty and unreasonable at the time, too subjective, too cautious. Friends should be considerate of each other, as long as one side does the other will respond, this is the basis of good friendship.
My junior high school teacher, Ms. Gao, was a forgettable friend of mine, a dozen years older than me, but she was young at heart, so she was like a sister to me. She is kind, caring, and that kind of concern is not pretentious. She has been through a lot, but she has not aged, but has a more mature charm. She is a spiritual, offbeat woman with a blue like temperament. I thank her for her concern for me, her optimism has always been infectious, may she always be young and always beautiful.
Day 5: I don’t know what to do, I’m confused and helpless, like a lost child. I don’t know how to make everything okay… God, what other compulsive ideas? How do I face the person who loves me so much, the girl who sometimes coaxes me like a mother and sometimes pampers me like a daughter. When will I really mature.
Day 6: Cried a lot last night and went to bed late. I was in a bad state today, thinking about a few characters in my tiredness, and thinking about my mother in my sleep.
Sometimes it is really painful emotionally, inferiority complex, guilt, panic, helplessness, feeling useless, useless in this world, might as well die (do not worry, I will not really die). Director Zhang said that no matter what emotions, go to get things done, but I found that the state is really bad, can not think of too many things, too lazy to think, afraid to think, afraid to think of the future too tangled, in fact, afraid of what, is already so, what things have not seen.
The internal view about the mother is very unsuccessful, subjectively there is a sense of rejection, very strong. When you are at peace with yourself, you can be more or less understanding of her and feel that you were too wrong to let her worry too much. When I returned to my room after the internal observation, I still had a feeling of rejection, but it seemed to have lessened.
What’s the point of talking about it? Let’s keep trying tomorrow. I really thank Director Zhang for sacrificing her rest time to care for me, Nurse Han for her sweet smile every time, Nurse Sun for encouraging me when I was depressed, and Shen Jie for buying food for me every day despite the rain and wind, and she blamed herself for not buying the right one.
Day 7: There is basically no more rejection of my mother, and I can understand my mother’s practices, and I found that most of them were my own mistakes in the past, and I can take the responsibility for some of the “bad consequences” of today onto my own shoulders and look at them normally. The internal view of character also had some effect, and I agreed with my own character, not that I think I have a good character, but that there is no good or bad character, and that every character has its own advantages and disadvantages, so I should not care too much about it.
For the symptoms of the internal view did not do, listened to the director of Zhang’s words, they thought about it, but also have a new understanding. In fact, everyone has distractions, but their own slightly more, and excessive attention to distractions, so there is no need to classify themselves as “abnormal” category, in fact, there is no need to classify. What you should do is to devote yourself to life, find the interest in life, and do not pay too much attention to emotions, any emotions to do what should be done, the “natural appearance, the inner self ripe”. There are still worries, so let them go.
A little confused, I do not know where life will lead me, perhaps the only way to know the direction, is to bravely go on. Thank God for the purgatory experience, I finally matured a little.
Changes in OCD symptoms: The patient learned to be tolerant of the symptoms, felt it was less scary, and was able to do things with the symptoms.
Three months after the patient was discharged from the hospital, I was informed during a follow-up phone call that he was already working and competent in his job, and occasionally had compulsive symptoms, but was able to accept them.