1. rude and vulgar behavior is not allowed. 2. other people’s things are not to be taken, and one’s own things are at one’s disposal. 3. things taken from wherever they are are are put back wherever they are taken from. 4. whoever gets them first uses them first, and those who come later must wait. 5. no disturbing others is allowed. 6. one must apologize for doing something wrong and has the right to ask for an apology from another person. In practicing this, parents encountered some problems with how to actually establish these ground rules and how to understand the meaning behind them. Question 1: One of the basic rules is “No rough and vulgar behavior”. Does rough and vulgar mean hitting and cursing at will? What should I do if my child violates this rule? The so-called rude and vulgar behavior has two aspects: one of them is obvious, behavioral and verbal boorishness; the other is hidden, psychological control and suppression of others. Let’s talk about the visible ones first: the use of violence to force others to submit to one’s will; the use of language to attack and coerce others to achieve one’s own desires, these are the behaviors that we usually mean by boorish and vulgar. For example: for a child, I want something or I have an expectation of something else, and when it is not met, I hit or curse “I’m going to take your mom to jail and have the police shoot her.” This is one of the earliest patterns that children have of harming others. This pattern, if not improved in childhood, develops into adulthood where you can see that when an adult’s expectations are not met, the way to do it is to hit or yell, and that’s the root of domestic violence. Essentially, this is actually an emotional problem, and some adults have not been able to deal with their emotions throughout their lives, which eventually leads them to become slaves to their own emotions. In our kindergarten, this rule actually helps children to adjust their emotions: how to deal with their expectations; how to deal with emotions that have been brewing in their chests; how to deal with emotions that have already happened. Everyone has a lot of problems, especially children, but we can solve them in other ways. Our model for helping our children is to give them the freedom of space, the opportunity to adjust, the concept of right and wrong, and the freedom to choose again, which is the freedom of being a human being. The only thing we ask is that no one else be hurt, so we will stop the child. First tell the child clearly that this is boorish behavior, which is called defining right and wrong. Then tell the child the right thing to do, “Please solve it in another right way.” In addition, in such an egalitarian environment, since other children also have all kinds of self-defense abilities, children will soon look for other solutions, while constantly adjusting to different views of the same thing and different effects of the same thing on themselves; children are wise. Children will continue to adjust their minds throughout their kindergarten years. By the time they leave this school, children are well able to manage their own expectations and relationships with others. When such children grow up, they have an asset, and as adults they will follow this pattern in dealing with people in close relationships; this is called the process of emotional growth and the grasping and handling of relationships. The other is anonymous boorishness and vulgarity, e.g., when one child says to another, “If you don’t give me food, I’m not going to play with you anymore,” our children say something like this: “That’s a threat, I don’t want to share with you. If you don’t want to be my friend, I can choose someone else.” It is the greatest truth in human relationships that we can only live together as equals. And this truth must need to begin in childhood, a process that helps them learn to see love and unlove, control and equality, dislike and affection, making friends and enemies, loyalty and deception, honesty and lies, threats and harmony, cooperation and disputes, commitment and betrayal, violence and communication, loss and gain, separation and togetherness, and even by the time they get to grade school to shylock, argue about value, talk about fairness, treats, deals, and how to adjust to all kinds of different emotions and learn to look at a thing objectively instead of just from their own point of view. Question 2: My child is 4 years old. When practicing the rule of “Don’t take other people’s things, keep your own things”, it is often difficult for the child to distinguish what is his and what is other people’s. What is the significance of this rule for him now? This rule is about establishing boundaries with others. For a child over a year old, everything in the world is mine: my mother is mine, everything I see is mine, and it is only when the child begins to say no that self-awareness begins. At this time the child begins merely with material things. So, in the beginning, first say to the child, “This is yours.” After a long time, when the child has become good at distinguishing between you, me, and him, then give the child: “This is yours. This is mine and this is his.” When this concept is clear, and a similar situation arises, be sure to ask the child repeatedly, “Is this yours?” If it’s not yours, it must be someone else’s, no matter whose it is, so tell your child, “You can’t take other people’s things.” In this way, the child learns to distinguish between “yours” and “mine”, and “my” things must belong to me, and this earliest distinction between the concepts of mine and yours is the most basic foundation of morality and mentality for future adulthood. This distinction between the earliest concepts of “mine” and “yours” is the most basic foundation of morality and mentality for future adults. In the adult world, most of the illegal behavior occurs when it is not mine, but I want what is yours. In our kindergarten, the teachers are always repeating the question, “Is this yours? You can’t take other people’s things,” and “If you want to share, you have to ask the owner of this thing for permission.” This process then teaches children to see the process of rejection and acceptance correctly. There are no extra minds, no extra thoughts; it is a process of mindfulness that is both clear and simple, and he saves children’s lives. Question 3: When it comes to putting things back in their place, despite my constant reminders, my 2-year-old son often fails to do so. After the game is over, the toys are always scattered all over the place. Is he still too young, and is it okay for him to develop this habit after he goes to elementary school? Since a human being is born with a completely ordered internal structure, such as the nervous system, the respiratory system, the urinary system ……, the child needs an externally ordered environment to match with the child’s internal environment, and the ordered environment is to help the child to build up the intellect, and finally to develop into the ordering of the child’s thinking, which is the intellect itself. is the intellect itself. This is the essence of the rule, and this is why we say to a little child who has just entered the kindergarten, “Please return to your place.” Saying it and doing it with him helps him to build up this rule slowly. This rule teaches the child to take care of his environment, to be organized in his environment, and to go out into society and show in his environment, respect for his environment and the upbringing of the person himself. Often we see that after a few months the child does this in whatever environment he walks in. People on the outside always say something like, “Why is this child so well-mannered?” In reality, for everyone living in the home and school, this rule is appropriate and beneficial for the whole population in the environment. Question 4: At home I try to respect my children and follow the rule of “whoever gets it first uses it first, and those who come later must wait”. However, I find it difficult to do so at times. A few mornings ago, my child went to the bathroom to wash up first, but as he washed, he played with the water, and this play could not be stopped. I had to break the “wait” and force him to leave. In real life, resources are often limited and belong to everyone. So everyone is faced with the fact that when someone else gets it you lose the opportunity and you have to wait, including in relationships. This gives us a very good mindset, we are willing to wait, and this is one of the most egalitarian models, but this model is limited to public and collective life, at home, probably until the child is five years old children do not have the means to realize this rule with their mothers, because children have another characteristic: in the realm of the emotions children can hardly tolerate waiting. If you think that it is time for you to wash up, and you carry him away, probably this rule will be painful for the child even if it is applied at home. But it must be so in social life. In our schools this right is never placed in the hands of the teacher, who decides who will play five minutes first and who five minutes later, and this leads to one result: the children must look up to the teacher and wait for her decision, and the mentality changes. Others get you waiting, you get others waiting. Kids will never let life stop them while they wait to get that thing. If two people get it together, the thing will be taken away by the teacher, and the children are told, “Decide for yourselves what to do, and come back for it when you have decided.” The children will surely soon find a best way to do it, and that right and freedom is vested in the child.