Recently, a “hot pot restaurant waiter with hot soup pouring female customers” news on the network sparked a lively discussion, we bemoaned the results of extensive burns on female customers, such a small matter, how to trigger such serious consequences? Sina microblogging launched a “what do you think” question, 33.4% of netizens think the male waiter acted aggressively, but there are also 21.5% of netizens think that female customers verbally abused waiters, there is a fault in the first. From the comments, no matter which party is condemned, the reason for condemnation is “disrespect”. There are many netizens who “thanked the waiter for not killing him over the years”, and this flirtation reflects that similar “disrespected” small things abound in life. In our daily lives, we deal with all kinds of people, in fact, every day to do is to “convince” and “refuse” these two things. We will put forward our various demands to convince others to meet us, and at the same time we will also refuse the unreasonable demands of others. When we are rejected, we feel that our self-esteem is hurt, which often leads to strong negative feelings, irrational words and actions, resulting in damaged relationships and even violence. For this reason, many people are afraid that rejection will hurt their feelings and lead to retaliation, so it is difficult to say “no”, but at the same time they feel aggrieved and unhappy. It is impossible to avoid “refusing” someone, but how to “refuse” while making the other person feel respected is the art of “refusal”. In group psychotherapy, psychologists often ask group members to role-play to present and learn the art of “rejection”. Through feedback and role-playing, they often end up identifying their own problems and learn how to improve. The most common scenario is “refusing to borrow money from an acquaintance”, which is an embarrassing experience most people have in their lives. In the role play, we found that the rejectionist often gives the rejectionee a hard, cold, or even selfish feeling, and as a result, the rejectionist’s most unwanted situation happens, and the rejectionee feels that his or her feelings are hurt, and the relationship between the two is fractured. Those who are good at “rejection” is how to make the other person feel respected? First, affirm the other person’s feelings. “You must be in a hurry”, “You are so reluctant to bother others, you must be in trouble before you ask”, so that the other person feels that you understand his difficulties; then, put forward a reasonable reason for refusal, at least sound reasonable, less hurt feelings. “I recently lent all my money to my family to buy a house, and I can’t make ends meet in the short term”, expressing your actual difficulty, not your unwillingness; and don’t add to it by saying “it’s not that I don’t trust you”, because in such a situation, it sounds like “Lastly, and very importantly, offer some alternative suggestions to the other party, “How about I ask other people for you”, “I’ll give you the money in a month when I get around to it, okay? “, “I only have this much here now, you can take it first”. The other party will fully feel that you are very willing to help him and the feeling of being hurt will dissipate.