If a man betrays you, should principle him? The truth is solid: because your divorce is costly, it is you who needs him more in this marriage. As a woman, whenever faced with these haggard faces, mental breakdowns and inner grief readers, I want to say: “Why bother? Is it possible to use to do that, and you can live happily without him.” I tell them: you actually did not forgive him / her; real forgiveness is very difficult; if you really decide to go down this road of forgiveness, be mentally prepared, I take you rise and stay with you. 1, what makes you forgive your significant other for betraying you? The answer is cruel: you are doing it for yourself. Do not give up. It is because you do not let go of the good that once was, and the betrayal is too sudden, the damage is too great, in the face of sudden changes, human beings have an instinct: refuse to accept, do not accept that ta does not love me anymore, do not accept that ta is leaving me, do not accept the future without ta ….. Not able to. Too dependent on ta, emotional dependence on ta, spiritual dependence on ta, economic dependence on ta, ta is a part of me ah, now want me to tear apart, I can not do, I also can not …… It’s not safe. What about children? The actual family how about? The original safe harbor is instantly gone, how should the future go? Can I do it alone? Can I do it alone with my children? It’s scary to think about, too insecure …… All sorts of things will become motivation for you to make excuses for the cheater and thus “forgive”. The other party said, I know I was wrong, you will think, ta know wrong, should not commit it again; The other party said, I will not commit it again, you will recognize, ta have promised, then I will trust ta again; The other party said, we turn this page, live a good life, you will be relieved, cheating is just an accident, the future of everything should be back on track it …… It’s not like that. Those sleepless nights, the constant flashbacks, the growing suspicion, the feelings of seeing each other some pleasing behavior but disgusted heart are telling you: it’s not that simple. The psychological trauma caused by cheating partner, not a “I forgive you” can be solved. The act of “forgiveness” means that you accept the reasonableness of “the other cheating”, what is the reasonableness? Cheating must be wrong, morally it must be criticized, but “reasonableness” means that you have to go to the bottom of the concern to find out what went wrong in your intimate relationship, and even you have to face your intimate relationship in the management, where there are deficiencies and deviations, in the case of being hurt, you can face and Accept this “reasonableness”? This is really difficult, if even “reasonableness” are difficult to accept, do not say “forgiveness”, “compromise forgiveness” is only their own embarrassment, better to take advantage of this separation. 2, only love themselves, can do real forgiveness “love themselves” this word although everywhere, but abstract, because most people do not know how to be love themselves. It is not to eat food for yourself, buy yourself a brand-name, let yourself encounter betrayal after the wanderlust to become the king or queen of the sea, it means: you can insight into their real needs, and then self-satisfaction. If after forgiving each other, you are happy, happy life, and get along with each other is also very happy, then it proves that you did the right thing, you are in love with yourself, you follow the inner voice, made a choice, if you are like the previous description: insomnia, security collapse, look at each other disgusting, suspicious nervous breakdown, then this is not the result you want, ah? These phenomena are in the heart in a cry: listen to my voice. (1) do not give up Betrayal of this behavior in my opinion is the bottom line of intimacy, one side cheating, intimacy should shout “card”, in the other cheating on that one moment, ta default: outside people better than you, no matter how ta afterwards expression of love you, how remorse, you should be awake to understand: ta no longer love you The only thing I love is myself. Love is not only once, this bye-bye, the next will be better behaved. (2) No can not rely on each other too much but will contribute to cheating. No one wants to carry another person’s life forward, it’s too tiring. Love is not so great, great to let a person, bottomless and unlimited acceptance of another person, the great thing about love is that it can lead to your own change and growth. And every person’s ego is eager to be independent. By giving your ego to another person wholesale, you also give the other person the power to hurt you. (3) You are safe After doing the first two points, to a large extent, you will feel safe. You may feel lonely at first, after all, it is not the same as the previous days, but as long as you are willing to get out of the house, more contact with friends, colleagues, with an open mind to accept everything around you, your sense of security can be very will return. It is not reliable to frame your security on your partner, family, or children. The only reliable thing is to frame it on more things, and if one element breaks, there are other supports in your life. To “love yourself” is to hear your inner voice, not to compromise and forgive again out of fear after a betrayal, after feeling hurt and anger. Compromise is a compromise of fear, it will be in the original scarred heart, and add a knife, causing greater division, the partner cheated, forgive each other, seems to be a matter of two people, but that is also after you follow your heart, you are willing to sincerely forgive after the emotional repair of things. The first step after the betrayal, first learn to love themselves, only love themselves, to have the ability to forgive another person.