How do you communicate effectively in a marriage? While the epidemic has brought close people closer together, noisy marriages seem to be noisier. So, do marriages that are ruined by communication have a future? The counselor, Xiao Luo, wrote me privately on the evening of the 3rd day of the year, saying that the marriage could not live anymore, the relationship was still there, but the other party seemed to be very negative. They haven’t seen each other for 2 months, the husband went to work in the next city, and the end of the year is particularly busy, and it happens to be a career turning period. The wife was looking forward to more company, but the husband went back on his word every time he said he would come home because of work. The wife was disappointed again and again and was sad about it. The two of them quarreled several times as a result. The wife was so angry that she mentioned divorce once. But the next day she reacted with regret and rushed to find her husband. But the address was wrong, the husband happened to be in closed training in those days, there is no way to meet, a trip to waste, the wife returned disappointed. Each of them went back to their parents’ house for New Year’s Eve. Originally arranged to meet after the New Year. As a result, an epidemic separated the two places. Later, because of a small matter, the wife yelled with her husband in WeChat. The husband simply did not reply to the message and started a cold war. This time, the wife’s two months of pent-up aggression and bottled-up emotions, a full-blown explosion, she sent 30 long messages to her husband and was almost ready to mention divorce. Even she found a former suitor’s WeChat in her phone in order to relieve her emotions, the handsome single former suitor seriously said that Xiao Luo has been the goddess of his heart, as long as Xiao Luo is willing to sit and wait for Xiao Luo to fall in love after being single. Everything, it seems to break the marriage, you can have a new life look. Xiao Luo found me at exactly this time. He has not replied to me for 32 hours,” she said. The epidemic is current, everyone is holding the phone, he actually did not return me, does he not love me?” 1, true love People’s life, true love is very little. To be able to meet, is already a blessing. I asked Xiao Luo: “Do you love him?” Xiao Luo said: “Especially love, I think it is my true love, so the relationship for six months to marry him. But he is always busy with work recently, said home and reneged, can not see each other, encounter problems and avoid, cold war. I really do not know what to do, such a personality can live a lifetime? It will kill me!” Xiao Luo kept talking, crying, and venting her sadness, grievances, and doubts, and after Xiao Luo finished venting her emotions, she gradually calmed down. Yes, true love, how many times in a lifetime can there be. Although Xiao Luo conditions are good, but also can still have a suitor waiting, but Xiao Luo clearly said still have a husband in mind. Under my guidance, she found more and more flashes of her husband. She said that she used to seem to think only of her husband’s handsomeness, and also a little dislike of his childishness. Now that she thinks about it, her husband actually has so many so many good points. At this point, she actually knew she wanted to actively redeem herself. She didn’t want to miss out. Everything needs a scientific approach to solve the problem. 2, believe in love, believe in being loved Many readers message me in the background that they lack love. The reasons vary, but the performance is mostly similar. Xiao Luo was abruptly broken up by her ex-boyfriend a long time ago, so there has been a sense of abandonment. After meeting this one, there is a special fear of being abandoned inside. This period of discord is also due to Xiao Luo’s fear of not being valued and not being loved, and reacted. So I used some guidance to make Xiao Luo start to recall some facts that she usually ignored, yes, the fact that she was loved by her husband and that he had always loved her. Sometimes, the inner obsession makes a blind eye, only seeing what you let yourself see. Xiao Luo fears that she is not loved and not valued, it is easy to magnify the points that are not valued, and ignore the points that are cared for and loved. Xiao Luo worried about being abandoned, the easier it is to make some of the things that are blinded, the easier it is to lead to a breakdown of feelings. The truth, often need to adjust the angle of view. 3, find each other need, not talk about what you want to blame After Xiao Luo’s emotions and cognitive adjustment, we began to salvage the repair work. The chat logs of Xiao Luo and her husband, I have read. Super typical female perspective —- accounted for the reason to blame each other. The husband’s reaction is more like a helpless and painful escape under all kinds of pressure. Combined with the husband’s own situation, Xiao Luo recalled her husband’s investment failure, career turnaround, day and night overtime, a series of accidents in his hometown. Xiao Luo found that she had ignored her husband’s anxiety, but was only thinking about her being valued. That’s right, what the husband needs now is his wife’s support. 4, speak in the other party’s language —- from the other party’s inner demands The essence of negotiation skills, is a win-win situation. One of the negotiation skills is to meet the other party’s needs first, before the other party can make concessions. In marriage problem communication, it is still valid. From the screenshots of their previous chat, the husband also felt indebted to his wife in his heart, but the wife also hurt the husband’s self-esteem. The husband had regarded his wife as a spiritual pillar during the low times, but a small argument became the last straw that crushed the husband’s heart. The husband said, “This hurts each other, so why don’t we rethink our relationship?” That’s where it gets dangerous. But, it is also where the turnaround is. What the husband needed most now was his wife’s trust, love, support, and tolerance. So I helped Xiao Luo re-normalize the language and told Xiao Luo to follow this, call her husband and speak to each other. I told her how much she loved her husband and how much he had neglected to give, and how much she admired him and loved him so much that she could fill his heart. The two of them were in tears on the phone, telling each other their heartfelt feelings. 5, their own needs and growth Since the purpose is a win-win situation, we can not just care about each other’s needs, regardless of their own needs. Xiao Luo’s needs are companionship and being valued. In fact, in the process of talking to me earlier, she has already received a certain degree of healing, and temporarily satisfied her inner needs when looking at her marriage from a different perspective. The later stage of emotional repair, is the need to accompany the husband through the difficult times after the slow repair guide. Xiao Luo is full of accusations and irritability at the drop of a hat. She needs to be guided and repaired in the long term, so that she can move from knowledge to practice, and really gain the ability to love and find the way to be happy in the future. My next plan for her includes positive healing, emotion control practice, communication skills practice, marriage psychological awareness, and so on. I believe that her strong love will motivate her to do these things well. After these exercises, what she gained was not only the immediate marriage repair, but also her personal transformation. Whether in marriage, at work, or in life, the time I spent with her will be a seed for her transformation, which will grow and sprout in the future and bring her a broader future. Sometimes, when you encounter a major trauma, you may be devastated if no one gives you the right scientific guidance. Especially when there is a major emotional change, it will leave hidden scars, and in the depth of the subconscious, it will reach out its claws and teeth from time to time, digging out its heart and hurting itself. If at this time, especially as in the case of Xiao Luo, things are still in a resolvable range and have not yet developed into a situation that is beyond redemption. If a professional can give help and care to her and teach her how to fish, she can get out of the dilemma and even solve the potential problem, she can take a step closer to happiness. So, it’s important to get to the root of the problem. Therefore, to solve the problem at the root is the scientific and effective long-term solution. I guess that’s the point of my work. Conclusion: Today, through the case of Xiao Luo’s marriage restoration, I have explained how to solve most of the marital conflicts caused by communication, and through these scientific and professional healing, the marriage can be corrected and the communication style that affects communication can be improved. After all, people live in a society where there are only a few truly intimate people, yet our flaws can explode in intimate communication, hurting the people in the intimate relationship, hurting the relationship, and hurting ourselves. As long as you are aware of this, as long as there is motivation, when to correct, it is never too late. 1, true love People’s life, true love is extremely rare. To be able to meet, is already a blessing. 2, believe in love, believe in being loved Many readers left me a message in the background that they lack love. The reasons vary, but the performance is mostly similar. 3, find the other party needs, rather than talk about what you want to blame 4, speak in the other party’s language —- from the other party’s inner demands The essence of negotiation skills, is a win-win situation. One of the negotiation skills is to meet the other party’s needs first, before the other party can make concessions. In marital problem communication, it is still valid. What the husband needs most now is his wife’s trust, love, support and tolerance. 5, their own needs and growth Since the purpose is a win-win, you can not just care about each other’s needs, regardless of their own needs. 6.Distress and the future In this life, people will encounter all kinds of difficulties and pain, sometimes, when encountering a major trauma, no one to give the correct scientific guidance, may be devastated or hurt for a long time. Especially when there is a major emotional change, it will leave hidden scars, and deep down in the subconscious mind, from time to time, the claws and teeth will reach out, digging out the heart and hurting oneself. To solve the problem at the root is the scientific and effective long-term solution.