At moms’ gatherings, there are often complaints like this: when children say they are playing piano, they get headaches and tummy aches; when they say they are going out to play, they are fine. Once they say they have to do their homework, they have a tummy ache and headache again; once they say they are watching TV, they are all better. The wisdom of children is still no match for adults, can not make up any new tricks. However, parents should note that according to overseas statistics, about 40% of children who say they have a headache or tummy ache are not necessarily excuses, but really feel discomfort in the head or stomach area. Parents should be reminded that if their child really says “headache” or “tummy ache” often, they should go to the hospital for a detailed examination first. However, the following is about pain caused by emotional problems in children, which means that even if parents panic and take their children to the hospital, the equipment cannot detect the specific organic problem. Sometimes, headaches and tummy aches are real To tell you two cases about headaches and tummy aches in children. 1. A girl who had a headache as soon as she studied A 7-year-old girl whose father was hospitalized in a sudden car accident was injured so badly that her family hid it from her. The child’s mother had to run to the hospital, deal with insurance claims and other things, and transferred her to live with her grandmother, who in turn accidentally sprained her ankle. The parents only told the child the truth three months later when the father entered rehabilitation to practice walking, and shortly afterwards the child’s grandfather was hospitalized with a myocardial infarction. The child’s grades at school dropped significantly, and when she came home she didn’t like to do her homework, didn’t like to go out and play, became short-tempered, and always said she had a headache. Her mother took her for various tests, but there was no organic problem and she could only be diagnosed with neuropathic migraine. Her mother was too busy and gave her a long leave from school. After that, she said she had a headache as soon as her mother said she was allowed to study on her own or didn’t meet any of her requirements. 2, swimming on the stomach pain of the boy Another 5-year-old boy, the body is thin and weak, the mother said to enroll in a swimming class, exercise. On the first day of class, he stood at the edge of the pool and accidentally slipped, but fortunately the instructor was nearby and reached out and fished him out, not even choking on the water. However, the child was already terrified and became incontinent at that time. After that, as soon as he mentioned going swimming, he said his stomach hurt. When he got to the pool, he smelled the water and it got worse, so his mother had to stop him from swimming. In the two examples above, the child’s headache and tummy ache were both real. Is the pain real or fake? What should the parents do? Perhaps pain is not the most accurate expression, but for children, all pain is pain. A more careful parent can tell the difference between real and fake pain. What about fake pain? You can’t compromise on fake pain, or it will become a long-term excuse for your child. Parents should be patient and communicate with their children to understand why they are making excuses to avoid doing what they should be doing, and teach them to speak their mind or objections to their parents in a positive and direct manner. In fact, if a child likes to use the excuse of a headache and tummy ache to avoid it, it also indicates that the child is lacking in expressing his or her opinion, which may be a problem with the child’s expression or the parents may not be giving the child enough space and encouragement to express himself or herself. What about real pain? It is important for parents to take real pain seriously. Rather than simply dealing with a headache or tummy ache, parents need to connect the pain to a stressful, stimulating event that has recently happened to the child and consider whether the child is confused, fearful, or sad. Pain is a ‘somatization response’ caused by these internal mental processes and emotional changes. Referring to the fake pain above, parents need to be wise and insightful enough to guess the cause or encourage their child to express it openly. If parents can accurately understand their child’s problem, they should communicate promptly to resolve it, and if they cannot, they should seek professional counseling as soon as possible.