The family of origin plays a key role in shaping a child’s character. Children who live in a depressing environment as children grow up to be unconfident and prone to negativity and pessimism, while children who grow up in an open family are mostly outgoing, in touch, have a positive attitude and can withstand pressure. Let your children live in a happy atmosphere, so that they can be shaped into useful people who are physically and mentally healthy. Everyone has his or her own mental map, and we think, perceive, experience, and live in the world it has built. If we don’t fix the “wrong route” of our own mental map, it will easily continue in the mental map of our children’s generation …… According to Satya, the famous American “family therapist”, a person and his or her family of origin are inextricably linked. Satya believes that a person is inextricably linked to his or her family of origin, and that this link has the potential to influence his or her life. The home we grew up in, the first home with a mother, father, and perhaps siblings, is called the family of origin. Don’t use your family of origin as an excuse to refuse to grow and change, because your happiness and joy are in your own hands. And as a parent, please remember: you are now your child’s family of origin! You are re-creating a culture. What was wrong in the past, don’t sustain it; what was a good experience in the past, pass it on. You will influence your children’s future family happiness. Family of origin affects your personality and intimacy Family of origin We have two homes in our lives. One is the home we grow up in, with mom and dad and maybe siblings. The other is the home where we grow up and get married and start our own family. We call the first home our family of origin. The things you don’t remember have a greater impact on you. Which has a greater impact on you, the things you remember, or the things you don’t remember when you were young in your family of origin? It is the things we don’t remember that affect us more. People are like a well-run computer. The computer interface we normally see is the interface we need to see, but the programs that determine the presentation of these interfaces are hidden in the programs the computer has programmed. Therefore, we are also driven by some unseen programs to show the present behavior. In interpersonal interactions, many times we are modeling some of the behaviors we unknowingly learned in our family of origin, and in some cases, the other way around. When a couple’s internal vows are the opposite, it can cause a lot of problems. The “interlocking psychological complexes”. A couple’s relationship is much like two lovers trying to do a difficult tango dance in a completely dark, blind room. If we are to share the most beautiful dance of our lives, we must learn to understand our families of origin and light a light for love in the darkness of our subconscious. Each person has to learn to take responsibility for his or her own mental emotions. There is nothing you can do to keep the wind from blowing, but you can adjust the sails to get your ship to its destination. The people who have the least influence are often those who accept absolutely no influence from others. Don’t use your family of origin as an excuse for refusing to grow and change, because, your happiness and joy are in your own hands. You are not responsible for some of the things that happened in your family of origin in the past. However, from today on, you are responsible for every choice you make. Remember: you are now your children’s family of origin! You are re-creating a culture. What wasn’t right in the past, don’t sustain it; what was a good experience in the past, pass it on. What kind of family is best for a child’s development? The best love a father can have for his children is a mother who loves them well; the best love a mother can have for her children is a father who appreciates and pushes them; they can be together or apart, but not without love. Respect is the deepest level of love! Half of a child comes from the father and half from the mother. To deny one of the parents of a child is to unconsciously deny half of the child; furthermore, a child is born from the union of the cells of the parents, so the subconscious of every child wants the union of mom and dad. However, it is not easy for a couple to live together, let alone expect every couple to grow old together. The point is, how do we help our children cope when couples separate? Do we understand the deeper psychology of our children? According to psychologist Maslow, when people’s physiological needs are met, that is, after they are fed and clothed, the greatest longing in their hearts is love and a sense of belonging, which are like food for the soul, and if they do not get it, they will feel empty and depressed. The greatest longing in a child’s heart is the sense of belonging that connects with mom and dad, a longing that transcends all things. So, in what way does a child connect with his or her parents? As mentioned above, it is by doing the same things as the parents, because by doing the same things, the child can feel that “we are together”, and this is the need to belong. Therefore, children do not care what they are doing, sometimes even if it is against the law, because the strong psychological need is just like the need to eat when hungry, and even to steal food. Therefore, we need to understand the child’s deep psychological need, which is that he must have a connection with both parents in order to satisfy the need for belonging in his heart. If the child lacks connection with one parent, the child will feel empty and regretful, and the most unbearable thing for the child is for one parent to deny the other parent and exclude the other parent, just like the inner half of the child denies the other half, which inevitably results in a split in the child’s psyche. For example, if the mother often says that the father is bad and disapproves of him, the child will take a strong approach in order to be able to connect with the father, that is, to do the same things or have the same things happen as the father. But because this is not allowed by the mother, the child will listen to the mother on the surface, yet privately he/she will be like the father or even follow the father’s destiny subconsciously without realizing it. What kind of message are we giving to our children when we deny our Mr./Mrs. “Your father is lazy and irresponsible, don’t be like him in the future!” “Your mother is deadly in love with money, don’t be like her in the future!” “Your mother loves nagging, don’t be like her nagging in the future!” “Your mother doesn’t even care about the family, you mustn’t be like her in the future!” Such children will definitely grow up with these behaviors: lazy, irresponsible, deadly love of money, nagging, and not caring for the family. Why? Because he has a strong need in his heart to connect with his parents, but the information about his dad/mother is all negative, so of course he can only connect with this information and do the same behavior to satisfy the sense of belonging to connect with mom and dad. Some people say, “I only put it in my heart and didn’t say it out loud! Don’t fool yourself, children’s senses are incredibly sensitive, even if they don’t say it on the surface, if you have these messages in your heart, they will definitely show up unconsciously, and your child will definitely feel it. When a couple denies his/her identity as a parent because of the other’s behavior, the child will behave in the same pattern as the excluded parent. Simply put, the more you disrespect each other, the more your child will act like him/her. So what do we do? Since connecting with a parent is an innate psychological need of the child, provide more positive messages to meet the child’s need to connect with the parent. “Boy you are amazing, you are so smart like your dad!” “You’re just as righteous as your dad!” “You’re as nice as your dad!” “You are as filial as your dad!” “You are as kind as your mother!” “You are as loving as your mother!” “You like to learn as much as your mom!” “You are as conscientious as your mother!” Not just praise your child, but focus on praising your child for being “like your father” and “like your mother”. Through this, your child will connect with his or her parents in the direction of good information, and the longing for a sense of belonging will be satisfied. Respect that the other half is the child’s father/mother and allow the child to connect with him/her: “I would be happy if you were like your father.” “I would be happy if you were like your mom.” When the child’s desire to connect is allowed, there is less of a strong desire to secretly connect to those denied flaws. Especially if divorced parents do this, their children are bound to do well. They will learn that adults sometimes fight and couples may separate, but they acknowledge each other’s place and each other’s parenthood, which is a very important example for children to teach and a great blessing. So remember, never deny your significant other’s status as a parent of your child because of their behavior, because the truth does not change by hiding it, and denying or hiding it only causes your child to be unconsciously denied.