The child is not one of your brooch a pair of earrings, he came to this world, is not to achieve a sense of accomplishment, not to compete for the glory of who, calmly face the child for our “shame” moment, is the mother to respect the child’s independence of the direction of the personality of the mother to take an important step. “If you don’t sing, mommy won’t be happy”, there is a scene we must not be unfamiliar with. When a group of children are playing, one child sings a song and receives praise from the adults, so the mothers of the other children ask their children to sing, and most of the children “perform” according to the wishes of the adults, turning a relaxing party into a singing contest. But there are always one or two children who, perhaps because they are in a bad mood, or because they are rebellious, or because they want to play a more interesting game, just don’t sing. “Quickly sing one, or mom is not happy”, “you coward, no use at all”, “this child is so dog meat can not be on the right seat” …… Moms count their kids out, thinking that other people’s kids perform and if theirs doesn’t, they’ll be considered stupid and unable to sing. The truth is, no one cares if your child can sing or not, it’s only your own face that you can’t cross. I’m afraid that humans are the only thinking animals in the world that have such a strong but often unaware sense of comparison. Every mother wants her work to be excellent, as it is often the most important work of their life. However, whether or not your work is excellent and whether or not he is giving you a long face are actually two different things. The concept of excellence is very broad in itself, and if it is applied according to the secular model, excellence points to promotion and wealth in the future, however, whether or not you perform singing in public, and whether or not you can stand out among a group of children and look extraordinarily witty and adorable, in fact, it has nothing to do with promotion and wealth. If the standard of excellence in the eyes of the mother is that the child is able to earn face for her every time she needs face, the child will not necessarily grow up to be excellent, but will certainly become a performing personality, lose themselves and fulfill others. Face and children, who is in the first If the above examples of good face hurt children is superficial, the other is hiding deeper, that is not in front of others to educate children. When Xiao Xiao Mei first started kindergarten, the class teacher was a young kindergarten teacher with enthusiasm and no experience. One day after school, she left me alone and said in front of Xiao Xiao Mei that today Xiao Xiao Mei had made a mistake in kindergarten, and when the teacher criticized her, she said a very scary sentence: “Children can hit the teacher”, and when the teacher asked her who said it, she said it was her mother. The teacher’s look of reproach on her face, “How can you be a parent?”, made me feel very aggrieved, so I sternly asked Xiao Xiao Mei, “Did your mom teach you that? Xiao Xiao Mei played with her little finger, lowered her head and whispered, “Mommy didn’t say”. I breathed a sigh of relief, as if I had been given a sword of honor, and argued with the little teacher. When I got home, my anger was still not completely gone, so I called my friend. “Why did you trap her into a confrontation on the spot? That’s very unfair to little kids. I think that all you were thinking about was your own face, not your daughter’s feelings.” I was ready to reap the rewards of comfort, but I froze in my grip on the phone. I hadn’t slept nearly all night, and the more I thought about it, the more I got a little scared. I wasn’t really doing anything to help educate my child by exposing Tiny Beauty’s lies in front of her teacher. Of course, I could have interpreted this as a far-fetched attempt to teach children to be honest, but in reality, the key point of this incident had nothing to do with honesty. First, because the teacher was inexperienced and baited the child. “Who taught you that?” When she questioned a child less than three years old so harshly, the child would instinctively want to protect herself, and could only bring out her mom, the person she trusted most in the world, to resist the teacher’s forcefulness and appease her loneliness and helplessness at this moment. Unfortunately, instead of siding with her, her mother quickly falls into the teacher’s camp for the sake of her own innocence, harshly criticizing her, questioning her, and betraying her trust. Restrain Love Possession and Cultivate Love Every mother likes to say that the child comes first, just as a man in love often says I love you more than he loves himself, yet truly placing the child’s feelings first relies not on love and instinct, but on restraint and cultivation. “Whether I am doing this for the sake of my child or to save face is a question that every mother must ask herself from time to time. Often there is a gentle nature, not good at fighting for the children, back home by the mother counted bloody head, “he snatched your toys, why do not you snatch back”, “he hit you, why do not you fight back, you this goat”, think carefully, is the child in the group was Come to think of it, is it the child who is deeply hurt by the toy being snatched in a group and beaten up, or is it the child who is deeply hurt by the parents’ rough scolding? Of course, we will all attribute this kind of education to a kind of hateful love, because love you, so anxious, so mouth. But is it really because of love? With the adult reasoning and intelligence, really will think that a child can snatch the winning toys, grow up to become Steve Jobs? No parents are retarded, our anger is only because the “useless” child hurt our face. A child’s world has its own rules, and each child will find a way to find his or her own niche based on his or her own characteristics and temperament. The role of the mother is not to stand in the adult’s point of view, to complicate the world of children, divided into friends and foes, bad guys and good guys, bullies and bullied, but to observe silently, encourage and then guide. When a child is robbed of a toy and goes to play with another toy, praise him for his generosity; if he feels angry and uncomfortable, tell him that the fault for the toy being taken away does not lie with him, but with the child who took the toy. The child cares more about being recognized than the toy. Mom is such a towering presence in his mind that in his pure outlook on life, he will think that since mom has said that the kid who grabbed the toy is wrong, he is no big deal even if he has a toy. So, please remember, the child is not your a brooch a pair of earrings, he came to this world, is not to achieve a sense of accomplishment, not to compete for the glory of who, calmly face the child for our “shame” moment, is the mother to respect the child’s independence of the direction of the personality of an important step forward.