Have you ever asked the following 8 questions when your child makes a mistake? First question: “What happened?” Second question: “How do you feel?” The third question: “What do you want?” The fourth question: “And what do you think are some ways?” The fifth question: “What are the consequences of these approaches?” Sixth question: “What do you decide to do?” The seventh question: “What do you want me to do?” Eighth question: “What was the outcome? Did it go as you expected?” The first question is: “What happened?” This question may seem trivial, but it is very important. Many adults who encounter an unexpected situation habitually judge too quickly, “You must have hit him first before he hit you.” “You must have done something wrong for the teacher to punish you.” If we don’t let the child talk about what happened from his perspective, we are likely to wrong the child. Besides, by giving the child a chance to talk, even if it is really his fault, he will be more willing to admit his mistake because he has a chance to defend himself. The second question is: “How do you feel about it?” What happened is an objective fact, and the impact on the person’s heart is purely a subjective feeling, it doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong. Very often, we just need to say what we feel. Once you say it, cry, curse, the mood will be much better. Brain science research shows that when a person has strong emotions, external stimuli are not easily absorbed by the brain. In other words, when a person still has emotions, what others say he will not listen to. It is always necessary to wait until his mood calms down before he can think calmly. So if we want our child to listen to us, we need to empathize with his feelings first, so that his emotions have an outlet. Once the child is calm enough, you can ask him a third question, “What do you want?” At this point, no matter what amazing things your child says, do not rush to lecture him, but calmly continue to ask. Ask him a fourth question, “What do you think you can do about it?” At this stage, it’s a good idea to do brainstorming with your child and think of all kinds of ideas, reasonable, unreasonable, absurd, ridiculous, disgusting, childish …… The point of brainstorming is to allow for any idea that seems nonsensical. Whatever you hear at this time, do not make criticism or judgment for now. He can be asked a fifth question, “What will be the consequences of these approaches?” Let your child examine each of these approaches on his or her own and see what the consequences will be. You may be surprised to find that most children understand the consequences. If there is a gap in his perception, this is a good time to discuss it with him and let him understand the reality. This is a great opportunity for parent-child communication, but avoid lecturing, just state the facts. The sixth question then asks him, “What have you decided to do?” A child will definitely choose the situation that is best for him, and if he understands the consequences, he will usually make the most logical and wise choice. Respect the child’s decision, even if his choice is not the adult’s desired outcome. Adults must be true to their word and not ask him what his decision is and then tell him he can’t decide that way. This way, he will never dare to trust you again. Besides, even if he makes a wrong choice, he can learn a more precious and unforgettable lesson from this mistake. Then ask the seventh question, “What do you want me to do?” And show your support. When it’s over, ask him a final eighth question, “How did it turn out? Did it go as you expected?” or “What would you do next time you were in a similar situation?” Give him a chance to review his own judgment. After practicing this a few times, the child will have the ability to solve problems on his own, without us worrying about it.