The experiment is to tell the child that if he or she waits for five minutes, he or she will get one more marshmallow, and then leave the child alone in a room with a marshmallow on the table to test whether the child can control the desire to wait longer for more marshmallows. Different from the previous interpretation of the experiment, he shared another perspective: “the relationship of trust between the tested child and the speaker”; that is, when the child does not trust the speaker, the best strategy is, of course, to immediately eat the marshmallow in front of him, otherwise what if someone backtracks? Perhaps this is the answer to many parenting problems. The following conversations should be familiar: My child doesn’t listen to anything I say, and it’s useless to yell and scream to get a response; what others say is more useful, but I don’t know why it doesn’t work when I say it. From the final behavior (immediately ate marshmallows, no response to the parents’ words), there are many ways to explain: poor self-control, impatient, very naughty rebellious …… but perhaps the most important is not enough trust. Sometimes we are used to “cajoling” our children, “lying” to them about how to do things now, how to do things later, all we want is for the status quo to be calm and stable, and we’ll talk about the next thing later. Or a moment of pleasure to do a promise, but afterwards backtracking on a bunch of reasons, sounding justified but in short, just can not do, unknowingly children also learn to be smart, the words of this person can not believe wholeheartedly, everything or “first take first win”, so we will say “the older the worse to coax “, in fact, because they are deceived into the essence of the fool will immediately believe you. The way to build trust is simple: do what you say, pay more attention to commitment than your child, and never promise what you can’t do. For example, if you want your child to leave the playground, the classic line is “It’s been a long day, now I’m going to eat and go home, I’ll bring you back next time”. Some children will linger for a while and leave, while others will roll around and cry. The difference is likely to be how good the parent’s credit is and how long that “next time” will be. Or do we have to take our chances? In addition to telling your child ten minutes early that you are leaving to prepare, you can be more specific about when the “next time” will be, maybe next week or next month, and then you can take the initiative to plan a trip to bring your child back without your child asking, and then gradually you can build your child’s trust in your parents. Keep a notebook and write down what you promised your child, rather than using it as a perfunctory line and leaving it behind once you’ve achieved your goal. When you can’t think of anything to do on the weekend, review the list and keep your promise. Your child will be pleasantly surprised that you remembered what you said and will not only feel respected, but will also build the authority of the parent to speak up. Another trust breaker is that parents are afraid to “tell the truth” to their children. The most common situation is to expect the child’s reaction to hearing something will be noisy, so think of other excuses or reasons to divert attention, and when the child finds out that the wood is dry, the adults have achieved their purpose, the child will give up after a while at most. Giving up crying is tiring, but trust is also gradually disintegrating, and the story of the wolf will happen to you one day, and what you say is obviously true, but the child will either take it as a whisper or use crying to “test” the truth. Trust is the best antidote to parenting. Trust in the love of parents and the messages they bring, and this trust represents an overwhelming sense of security and belonging as they grow up, and when dealing with the messy relationships and trials of the outside world, they can come home fully at ease and rested, rather than another battlefield of suspicion and doubt. Children’s trust in their parents is innate, and when someone trusts them and looks up to them, we should not easily belittle ourselves and detract from that complete trust at will. When you think back to your own upbringing, was there an elder or friend who spoke with great weight and made you feel at ease when you opened your mouth and wanted to hear his opinion on everything? By being a parent of one word, our children will not only communicate with words, but will also want our advice.