Introduction: More and more families fall into this pattern, missing fathers, anxious mothers, out-of-control children, family problems arise and erupt, is this the case in your family? Fallen in the era of the lack of father’s education The old saying goes, “If you don’t teach, your father’s fault”, and this era seems to be increasingly lacking in “father’s education”. In primitive societies, fathers would take their children out to hunt and explore the world. Nowadays, the father fails to become an important role in the family, he avoids the family on the pretext of work, and is a shadow father in the family relationship. For dad, the family is even reduced to a hotel. Whether in terms of emotion, companionship, respect, intimacy or problem solving, fathers provide little support for their children, which shows that they are not taking their fair share of responsibility in their children’s development. The anxious mother follows the shadow of the “woe is me”, which is manifested in the Chinese family when the child has an absent father while God will give him an anxious mother. The husband becomes the invisible man in the family, while the mother slowly pulls her affection and attention away from her husband and pins it on her child. But the lone woman will inevitably fall into a sense of loneliness and insecurity, and will again unconsciously transform the home into her painful workplace, wrapping the child in suffocating love and anxiety, causing over-dependence or mother-child conflict. The child lives more in a mother’s world than in the world of the family. The problems of couple’s emotions, parent-child relationship and children’s education also start to pick up and crash. Out-of-control children There are as many problems with children’s education as there are problems with conflicting couples. There is a husband who does not care about the family, does not care about his wife and children, there is bound to be a very lonely and isolated woman. Seemingly parent-child problems, but in fact, the problem of the couple’s emotions. The mother’s anxiety and needs, which should be borne by the husband, are projected onto the child, who is repressed, struggled, tyrannized and disguised in various emotions like a trapped beast. The child who becomes the mother’s “substitute husband” will take on the role of an adult too early, and there will be little adults in the family, or the child will “always be the mother’s good boy” and enter the state of refusal to grow up, dependence, and no way to explore society and integrate into society. The child will not be able to explore and integrate into society. But when the child starts to lose control, the “absent father, anxious mother, and out-of-control child” will bring the family system back to a pathological balance. Because the conflict of educating the children can escalate into the main conflict of the family, thus masking many of the problems and allowing the marriage to hold together. However, this is definitely not a dynamic, resilient and vital marriage. Advice for Dads: 1. Dads need to be integrated into the family. Dad should have a presence in the family, interact with the family often, don’t put all your energy into work, come home every day to have dinner with the family, show love with mom, play games with the kids for ten minutes, whisper a few words behind mom’s back, express your opinion on family matters, and shape the family image of husband and father; 2. Dad should educate his children. Many families believe that educating young children is something that moms should do, but young children, who are already closer to their mothers, if dads do not intervene in education, it is difficult for children to establish a close relationship with their dads, and, dads can teach children many skills that are difficult for moms to do. The advice to mothers: 1, in the family, the mother can not put the parent-child relationship first, the relationship between husband and wife is the top priority of family life. The actual fact is that you can’t get a good deal on your own. The mother can not only focus on the child, but also to take care of the husband’s feelings, more caring and considerate husband, to deal with the relationship between husband and wife; 2, suppress their temper, to be a gentle and relatable mother. An anxious and irritable mother will only intensify the child’s loss of control, only a gentle and relatable mother can enter the child’s mind and give the child the strength to grow. The best gift for a child is a father who is integrated into the family and a mother who is gentle and affectionate. Mom and dad should think more about how to give their children a harmonious and warm family and give them the best education.