Early bed-sharing is good for children’s independence and personality development Around the age of 3 is a period when children’s self-reliance and independence develop. Many parents may worry that 3-year-old children are still too young to take care of themselves and are not comfortable with their children sleeping alone in one room, and this concern is understandable. However, parents should trust their children’s independence and development of self-awareness, let their children learn to take care of themselves, and let go of their children to try to find their own biological clock that suits them and form good habits. This control of oneself and spontaneous formation of regularity will make the child independent and full of confidence. Early bed-sharing helps children develop clear interpersonal boundaries In the case of children’s partner interaction, like Mei Mei mentioned above, avoiding contact with children is called rigidity of interpersonal boundaries, while another child, Tong Tong, is a seven-year-old lively and cute little boy who still sleeps with his mother, and his interaction with children is characterized by dominating other children, making other children listen to his ideas, or destroying other This situation is called interpersonal boundary confusion. Interpersonal rigidity and interpersonal confusion are two common cases of unclear interpersonal boundaries. Why does bed-sharing help children develop clear interpersonal boundaries? Because a child’s prototype for establishing interpersonal relationships is modeled on the relationship with his or her parents. after the age of 3, when a child develops a sense of self, he or she will understand that he or she is himself or herself and that his or her parents are not himself or herself. at this time, if bed-sharing is successful, the child will gradually determine his or her own perceptions and see both himself or herself and his or her parents as independent individuals, but still safe to rely on and trust his or her parents; if bed-sharing is not timely, the child will have difficulty in emotionally Without timely bed-sharing, it is difficult for children to mature emotionally and cognitively, feeling that they are always one with their parents and unable to clearly and safely distinguish between themselves and others, which can lead to unclear interpersonal boundaries. Early bed-sharing is beneficial to the correct establishment of children’s gender awareness In the prepubescent period, about 7 to 9 years old, children actually have a vague sense of gender, at this time, boys and mothers, girls and fathers should try to sleep in separate beds, and in the usual interaction, the intimate expression of children should also be appropriate, otherwise, it is not conducive to children and friends of the opposite sex to establish appropriate interpersonal relationships. Of course, each child’s personality characteristics and psychological adaptation level are different, bed-sharing needs to be carried out with full consideration of the child’s psychological capacity, not at the cost of causing psychological trauma to the child. How do I get my child to sleep in a separate bed from myself? If the child is able to sleep in a separate room from the parents after birth, this problem will not exist in the future. As long as the parents do a good job of caring for the child, responding to the child’s emotions in a timely manner, and letting the child sleep independently at night, it does not affect the development of the child’s sense of security. If parents want to live in the same room with the child after the child is born, it is easy for them to take care of the baby at night. The child should sleep in his or her own crib after birth, and the crib can be placed in the parents’ room. You can try sleeping in separate rooms after the child is two years old; the older the child is, the more difficult the process becomes. Advice to parents: Before splitting a room with a child, allow about six months for the child to prepare mentally. Parents can tell the child exactly when to sleep in a separate room, for example: Baby, on your 6th birthday, you’ll be sleeping in your own room! Pick out with your child his favorite bed, quilt, sheets, pillows, small closet, small table, etc., and decorate the room with your child. After preparing the room with the child, don’t ask the child if he wants to share, inform the child after the parents have negotiated the time to share the room, and set a specific time to share the room and the parents should firmly implement it. Parents should show understanding and comfort the child when the child cries when the room is divided, but still insist that the child sleep in his or her own room. Some children may be very willing to share a room at first, but after a period of novelty, they may want to go back to their parents’ bed, so parents should stick to their principles. Parents can go to the child’s room to keep him company, or if the child comes to the parent’s room in the middle of the night, they can carry the child back to his room and stay with him in his room for a while before leaving. In any case, parents should make sure that the child understands that he can sleep only in his own room, not in the parent’s bed after the child cries, which can be detrimental to both parents and children. If the child asks to play in the parent’s bed for a while every day before bedtime, expecting to enjoy a cozy family moment, this should be allowed. When it’s bedtime, parents should accompany their child to his or her room for bedtime preparation. Don’t talk too much to your child about room sharing; it is as necessary as if mom and dad had to go to work every day and the child had to go to school every day. It is very important to spend time with your child before bedtime. Telling bedtime stories, kissing your child and saying goodnight are essential procedures. This will make the child feel that although he or she is no longer sleeping in the parent’s big bed, mom and dad still love him or her. Let’s look at one mom’s experience My son is 6 years old and started talking about bed-sharing at a very early age, and the splitting has never been executed properly, and now it’s causing me a psychological barrier that I feel is getting in the way of my husband and I’s communication and emotions. Now my son sleeps on his own, he has to sleep with me every day, and if I don’t stay with him one day, he will call out to his father to stay with him. I often wait for him to fall asleep and then go back to sleep in my own bed, but at night my son will get up and come to our house, and then I will go back to sleep with him in his bed, or the three of us will sleep in one bed. I want to refuse at night, but I feel that the child is confused at night, and I am afraid that it will affect his sleep, and he will not have energy the next day. Adults also do not want to fight with him at night. We all sleep in a daze. Because of this, sometimes I take the initiative to sleep with him, and this problem has been bothering me for a long time. After deciding to sleep separately from my son, I told him the time to completely sleep with him in separate beds, and also told not to sleep with him, and that I would not go back to sleep with him if he got up at night to look for me. But we agreed that we could sleep with him two days a week. The day has finally come to sleep separately. The first day, my son was very opposed to it, poorly pestering me to sleep with him, I was worn out by him to the end, ignored him, he went to call his father, and his father looked at his little poor face, agreed to sleep with him, the day ended in failure. The next day, his father and I unified our thoughts, and his father agreed to my opinion. My son went to beg his dad again at night, but this time it didn’t work, so he had to go back to his room and sleep. Not long after that he also fell asleep, but he got up once more in the night, and when he reached my bedside I immediately sent him back to his own house, comforted him, and then closed the door and left with a firm attitude. The third day, the situation was the same as the second day. The fourth day, my son accepted the reality that we do not sleep with him, before going to bed, I lay with him, talk, then give him a hug and leave, he no longer pestered, and for the first time in the night did not get up to us!