Parents should not simply say “no” when they think they need to refuse, but a simple and violent way of refusal may bring another harm to the child. Being a competent parent is not allowed. Here’s a detailed discussion on how to say no to your child. As parents, we all love our children very much and want them to grow up healthy and happy. However, we often feel confused in the face of our children, and do not know how to grasp the love of proportion, especially when the child to us to put forward one request after another, we will feel at a loss, to meet the child’s request it – afraid of spoiling the child; reject the child’s request it – and afraid of aggravating the child, and the child’s request. When children are refused, they often cry and scream, and then we as parents will be soft-hearted and upset, plus helpless, do not know how to do is reasonable, will be beneficial to the growth of children. A. Why to reject the child’s unreasonable requests As parents we must first understand that the rejection of the child’s unreasonable requests is not to reject the child, but to reject the way to help the child to grow better, reasonable rejection of the child has the following help. 1, is conducive to the child to form the correct values The child to grow into a person in society must have the correct values, the code of conduct must be in line with the basic requirements of society. When children do things that are not conducive to their own healthy growth or affect others, parents must reject them to help children form the correct values. 2. It is beneficial for children to improve their ability to analyze and judge Children are too young and inexperienced to distinguish right from wrong and to judge the reasonableness of their behavior, so they need parents’ timely rejection and guidance. As time goes by, children will form their own judgment under the guidance of their parents. 3, is conducive to help children learn self-control Children are small, often no self-control, sometimes know that it is wrong, but it is difficult to learn to control themselves, the parent’s refusal can be a good reminder of the child, to help children improve self-control. 4, conducive to the child to establish a good psychological boundary Reasonable rejection is a sure way to help children establish a psychological boundary. A child with well established psychological boundaries will be able to distinguish between his or her own needs and the needs of others, and know when to accept others and when to reject them. They do not confuse their own emotions with those of others, and they do not condescend to others by agreeing with them or fear losing them by rejecting them. The ability to maintain a complete and independent personality and get along with others as equals depends on the parents. If the parents handle this issue well, the children will learn to reject and be rejected from the parents, and they will be able to grasp the right balance and establish a good psychological boundary, laying the foundation for a happy life. 5, helps to establish a good relationship between parents and children Some parents are overly concerned about their children and take care of them, which results in poor self-care ability, low self-confidence and over-dependence on parents. The parents are also tired of taking on too much unnecessary responsibility, and when the child disappoints the parents, the parents are inevitably psychologically unbalanced, thus complaining about the child. This will only lead to an unhealthy parent-child relationship. In order to form a healthy and good parent-child relationship, parents must learn to reject their children appropriately and let them do what they can do on their own, and their parents’ reasonable rejection is an opportunity for their children to grow up, so that they can learn to handle their own affairs and improve their self-reliance. Knowing the role of reasonable rejection of children, we understand the need to reject children. However, we are still confused and don’t know how to do it. The way to reasonably reject your child’s unreasonable demands Rejection is a discipline that must be used properly. Like a pair of medicine, you have to read the instructions first, otherwise it will be bad if you use it in the wrong place. Unreasonable refusal will not only fail to achieve the purpose, but may also cause harm to the child. Interaction: When a child makes a request, what is the first thing we need to do? We need to first judge whether the request is reasonable or not before we can make a decision. 1. Reasonable judgment Reasonable judgment must do the following: (1) Listen to the reasons Many times, parents arbitrarily reject a child without listening to the reasons stated by the child, leading to wrong results. So we should first allow our children to state their reasons and listen patiently to help us make the right judgment. (2) Think differently To judge whether a child’s request is reasonable or not, we should not just stand in our own perspective and judge from an adult’s point of view, but try to put ourselves in the child’s shoes to understand what the child is thinking and thinking. (3) Remain rational When rejecting a child, parents must remain rational and not deal with the problem emotionally. Some parents comply with their children’s requests when they are happy and reject them when they are unhappy. Such refusal is irrational and not only baffling to the child, but also unconvincing to the child. It will also reduce the prestige of the parents in the eyes of the children. (4) Grasp the proportion Parents should grasp the proportion of rejection, never overdo it, never reject for the sake of rejection, understand that the rejection of children is to help children grow up healthy, not for the sake of parental face. If you find that you are wrong, you must adjust in time, dare to admit your mistake to your child, and dare to correct your practice immediately so as not to cause harm to your child’s heart. (5) Lead by example You can’t say one thing to your child and do another, you can’t just set rules for your child and get away with it yourself. There are many ways of refusal, and there are different practices in different situations. (1) Direct refusal As 0-2 year olds have limited language expression and understanding, it is not appropriate to do too much explanation, so you can adopt a direct refusal, and then briefly explain the reason. The correct approach is to stop calmly but firmly, explain simply but clearly, and accept gently but patiently. (2) Euphemistic and roundabout for 2-3 years old in the sensitive period of obstinacy is more appropriate, because at this stage of the child is very sensitive to the word “no”, direct rejection is very likely to cause rebellion, or make the child have a sense of frustration, is not conducive to the child’s psychological growth. Therefore, direct refusal is not recommended for children of this age, and polite refusal is more appropriate. (3) Common agreement type Suitable for children over 3 years old with better understanding, here is a brief explanation with you. This is the most common way to discuss matters that are likely to cause conflicts in daily life between parents and their children. Secondly, we can make a verbal agreement before something happens. For example, before entering the supermarket, tell your child, “We can only buy N things today.” Then the child can choose according to his or her needs, and if the child chooses more items than the agreed amount, the parent will remind the child to keep the agreement. Thirdly, the parents sometimes object to the child’s impromptu request because it is impossible to foresee many things in advance. Respect the child, tell the child the reason, gain the child’s understanding, and while rejecting the child, you can give the child better rationalization suggestions. This is more likely to be successful if the child feels secure and has established a clear concept of rules. (4) Atmosphere regulation style Everyone has the instinct to seek pleasure and avoid pain. If we can first create a pleasant atmosphere to relax the child, and then raise the matter of refusal, so that the child is often in a good mood, and more likely to accept the parent’s advice. (5) Motivation and encouragement While limiting certain needs, show the child a better prospect, so that he or she can aspire to a higher goal and learn to be patient. This is conducive to the child’s ability to improve self-control, and is conducive to the child setting goals for himself or herself and improving the child’s spiritual pursuit. (1) Adhere to the principle When the child’s request is determined to be unreasonable, it must be rejected, regardless of how the child cries, we must adhere to the principle, not compromise because of the child’s pain and crying. Otherwise, once the child has the experience of achieving his or her goal by crying, he or she will develop a habit of using crying as a means of blackmailing the parents. It is best to insist on no compromise the first time the child does this, so that the child understands that crying will not help, and at the same time we have to give the child empathy and understanding of his feelings, so that the child will be more receptive to the parent’s guidance. (2) Control emotions When the child is venting negative emotions, the child’s crying can easily make the parents lose their rationality and lose control of their emotions. In such a situation, parents tend to verbally and behaviorally attack the child. In fact, this will not have any positive effect except to make the child feel afraid. This is because the parent’s excesses will cause the child to focus on the parent’s emotional changes and perhaps be deterred from crying by the parent’s excessive behavior, neglecting to analyze and judge the matter itself. In addition to causing psychological damage to the child and affecting the parent-child relationship, this also defeats our purpose of helping the child grow up healthily by way of rejection. (3) Consistent attitude Many parents like to have one person sing the red face and one person sing the white face when educating their children, in fact, this is extremely detrimental to the growth of children. In fact, this is extremely detrimental to the child’s growth and can easily lead to the formation of a two-sided personality. In order to maintain consistency in the education of children, family members should strengthen communication with each other on a regular basis. Discuss the child’s problems and finally reach a consensus attitude, and maintain a consistent approach when problems arise. This will help your child establish a clear sense of right and wrong, and will help your child learn to follow the rules. (4) Understand and respect As much as possible, put yourself in your child’s shoes to understand your child, communicate more, understand more, and let your child dare to express his or her true thoughts. When parents do not understand their child’s ideas, do not rush to take a position, but ask patiently and try to understand your child. Parents should not be hard in their attitude when refusing to pose as parents, or engage in one-liners, let alone bullying their children. The company’s main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. Because the love of parents for their children is supreme and should never be used as a threat or a condition for exchange. Only when the child is clear that the parents love him or her, and that this love is pure and unconditional, can the child truly understand that the parents are for their own good, and that the parents’ refusal is also to help them grow, so that the child can readily accept the parents’ refusal. Otherwise, children will not only fail to appreciate the good intentions of their parents, but also fail to establish correct values towards people and things. Even if the child complies with the parent’s request against his or her will because of the fear of losing the parent’s love, he or she is not actually psychologically convinced, and the consequences of doing so will not only fail to serve the purpose of helping the child grow up healthily, but will also make the child’s heart farther away from his or her parents, and may even lead to the child’s loss of his or her personality, loss of self-confidence, and a series of psychological problems. (5) Acceptance of emotions Rejection is not the same as rejection, and it is not the same as punishment. You can’t reject a child because his or her request is unreasonable and make the child feel left out. Even if you refuse, you should tell your child that refusal is for the right thing and not for the right person. It is also important to make your child feel loved and cared for by his or her parents. When a child’s request is rejected, he or she will inevitably feel frustrated, triggering some negative emotions, such as crying, getting angry, and so on. At this time we as parents should try to accept the child’s negative emotions. Allow the child to cry out, do not forcefully fight strong pressure. Some diversion is needed. Do not rush to transfer the child’s emotions, but should face the reality together with the child, when we can quietly accompany the child, with a caring gaze at him, but also hug him, touch him. When the child is emotionally calm, tell the child clearly, “Although I refused your request, I still love you very much.” And tell the child the reason for the refusal so that he understands that we are refusing him for his own good and to help him. Our rejection is only for the sake of the matter and not for the person. This way the child often accepts our rejection openly after the catharsis of crying, etc. (6) Reasonable suggestions After refusing a child’s request, parents can give the child some reasonable suggestions based on the actual situation. You can’t just simply refuse and then leave it at that. Rejecting a child is an opportunity for the child to grow and learn to judge what is appropriate for him or her to do and what not to do, and never to deny the child in its entirety. Children’s wishes are often good, but due to limited experience, the way they choose is not suitable for them. So parents can guide their children in a good direction, depending on their situation, and tell them that there are better rules and ways to behave. This is also a rare opportunity to help children learn self-analysis and self-actualization. Taking advantage of such an opportunity will make the child closer to the parents and more willing to open up to them. It helps to create a good relationship pattern between parents and children. (7) Improving literacy To be able to reasonably refuse a child’s request, we as parents need to have certain knowledge of family education, be learning parents, know how to use certain refusal skills, and not hurt the child’s heart by refusing. It is difficult for a parent without homeschooling knowledge to know when to refuse and when not to refuse. Parenting is a process of implicitly and implicitly establishing rules. Only parents who are consistent in their words and actions can establish authority in the minds of their children. Parents must be consistent in their rejection of their children. You can’t indulge your child because you’re in a good mood today; you can be strict with your child if you’re in a bad mood tomorrow. This will leave the child at a loss, and will affect the child’s sense of security. Rejection is not an action taken because of a lack of money or a bad mood; it is an educational opportunity to make your child aware of his or her surroundings and of the rules of behavior. Rejecting a child’s unreasonable requests and establishing rules of behavior requires constant nudging and stimulation from parents and the outside world at first; over time, in the process of parental rejection, the child learns self-control, improves introspective intelligence, and internalizes self-discipline and conscious self-restraint from passive acceptance of outside education.