There are 2 types of narcissism, healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism. Healthy narcissism is the basis for forming a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Pathological narcissism or excessive narcissism hinders personal growth, lowers self-esteem and self-confidence, harms relationships, and leads to interpersonal conflict, psychological problems, or mental illness.
Narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed when a person’s personality traits have many serious and long-standing components of pathological narcissism that become a common pattern of behavior and cause pain and adverse effects to themselves and others. However, most people do not reach such a serious level, but do have more and more obvious manifestations of excessive narcissism, and have an impact on themselves or others, then we say they have a narcissistic personality, and people around them often think they are narcissistic. Although narcissistic personality is not yet a disease, psychological intervention is usually more meaningful at this point.
Recognizing that you have a narcissistic personality and actively seeking treatment is the first condition for successful psychotherapy for narcissistic personality and narcissistic personality disorder, otherwise it is very difficult to treat. So I will present today some of the phenomena that pathological narcissism often presents in ordinary work, life and interpersonal interactions in order to draw attention and attention. In fact, each person will have some more or less, so let’s compare and see how much you have. The following are some of the more serious when the performance, most people will not have such a typical.
1, self-centered: all day thinking about themselves, thinking about their own interests, their health, their feelings, their image, how people see themselves, etc.. If you think about others purpose is also for themselves (Note: usually I do not realize this), and will not stand in the position of others to think about the problem; friends gathering, keen to talk about their own life experiences, others speak when she feels bored and boring. As if the world and others exist only for them, do not realize that others are also a flesh and blood, feelings and thoughts of the living entity, also need to understand, care, help and respect, also need someone to love.
2. Self-exaggeration: arrogance, or self-righteousness; love to show themselves, love to talk about themselves in public, love to show their own merits directly or indirectly, or exaggerate their own merits, but their own soft threats are deeply hidden. In order to maintain this exaggerated self-image, there is a great need to get praise, attention, respect, envy or admiration from others, or to elevate themselves by demeaning others. Their happiness also comes mainly from here, and they have little interest in things not related to this, and do not experience the joy of it, thus their emotions appear narrow and superficial.
High demands on spouses, children, elders, etc., or the people around them do not see eye to eye. This can lead to poor family atmosphere and strained work relationships, because they do not even take the leader into account, and if it happens that the leader is also a narcissistic type, it is even worse. Normal smart and capable people who meet narcissistic leadership, it can only be blamed on bad luck, narcissistic leadership is usually very difficult to tolerate than they are smart than they can do subordinates, they will throw you away like garbage.
There is also a very hidden self-exaggeration, is to put themselves in the role of suffering victimization, so as to occupy the highest point of morality, often telling how much they have contributed to each other for the family for the unit, how much suffering, how much sacrifice of youth, the other party is not only not grateful, but also bad for him, around to say he is not good, but they are still as always for them to do cattle and horses. What kind of person is this? This is the role of God, a saint.
3, love fantasy: often indulge in the fantasy of success, power, wealth, talent, glory, beauty or ideal love; or regret the choice, if …… how good it is.
4, privileged sex: narcissists ask for selfless giving, support, unconditional praise, as a way to prove their uniqueness.
No corresponding achievements, but expect to be considered the best, or think that only other equally good and intelligent people can understand them, reuse them; or unreasonable expectations of special preferential treatment, or others should take the initiative to comply with their expectations, to meet their various needs; think that not only should get attention, this attention should also be unsolicited; expect to get gifts, surprise and compliments, but they do not They expect to be able to express anger and contempt and not be retaliated against; they expect to be loved and envied by the people there once they are there. Retreat back to the “mother and child model” of childhood, only to get without return.
5. Lack of awareness and ability to reflect deeply on their own behavior: unable to see their own problems and unaware of the discomfort they cause others. Speech and behavior arrogant, arrogant; often resent others, blame others, or love to criticize people, or at every turn, loud quarrels.
6, love of face: all kinds of comparison with others, extreme fear of losing, often jealous of others, and because they are sure of their own excellence, often think that others are jealous of them.
7, narcissistic failure: to blame, criticism, contempt, rejection, denial, opposing views, cold and frustration, etc. are very sensitive, even just a little disrespect or a look can make them very angry, anger, shame, humiliation, and even a big rage; also easy to bash and belittle those who are less satisfied with their narcissism. They are very much like hemophiliacs, where a small wound can cause a lot of bleeding. This makes it difficult for those around them to get along with them for long, and sometimes they get angry and you don’t know when something has pissed them off.
They believe they have the right to have their needs met instantly, and if they don’t, their good sense of self can lead to rage when they are hit. Recently, social hostility seems to be very heavy, a waiter in Wenzhou asked a female customer to remove a bad review was refused, will be a pot of boiling water to her head to wash down; Shandong a man in a fast food restaurant to a woman’s phone was refused, will be killed on the spot; Beijing two men and a woman argued, the woman’s stroller is sleeping 2-year-old baby out of the drop dead on the road; and impulsive injury to doctors, road rage, domestic violence, Li Yang beat his wife, my father is Li Gang, etc., these may be narcissism is thwarted after the resulting out-of-control behavior, it is worth thinking about! Where should we start to reduce these violence and mitigate these hostilities? Chongqing 10-year-old girl kicked and beat the baby in the elevator, and then threw it from the balcony of the 25th floor, after the parents asked her why she wrestled the boy, she said because “he cried to me, not to me smile.” This suggests that narcissistic personality and its adverse effects are already present in very young adolescents, and prevention and treatment are needed before it is too late.
8, the desire to be loved, but no real ability to love others: love or marriage just want to find someone to love them, without really thinking about the corresponding pay.
They don’t seem to love anyone but themselves, but in fact they love themselves as incompetently as they love others, and they also lack the ability to integrate love and hate.
Unfortunately, narcissistic men are attracted to women who lacked love in their childhood (for example, girls who grew up in patriarchal families), and when they meet, it is like the South Pole of a magnet meeting the North Pole. Many girls looking for an object to match the eye, to feel or love at first sight, I often remind them that this intuition can not be trusted, often a trap, see article: when the mother complex meets the Oedipus complex.
9, interpersonal exploitation: interpersonal interaction on the use of others, that is, for their own benefit can damage others. After the use, they may find a reason to leave you, alienate you, as if the wrong is you, but you do not expect them to repent.
10, lack of empathy: not willing or will not stand in the perspective of others for the sake of others, but also not willing or will not understand the feelings and needs of others (Note: empathy, refers to an ability to penetrate into the subjective world of others, can experience each other’s feelings and make appropriate responses to each other’s feelings).
11, lack of self-binding: I do what I want, easy to impulsive, thought to have a personality, but in fact is the lack of empathy, lack of self-binding performance.
12, the lack of friendship deep friends: interpersonal relationships on the use of sexual, exploitative, temperamental, and empathy lack of ability to make them difficult to make a close friend. Friendship requires frequent attentive maintenance, but they have no such awareness and effort, unless there is still use value. Not long ago, a 40-year-old narcissistic man came to the doctor and his family said he had too much temper and not a single close friend. He had a few friends when he was studying, but after joining the workforce and starting a family, he quickly became estranged and now has no good friends.
These above-mentioned manifestations usually begin in adolescence or from early adulthood.