A mother asked a question in the background, saying that her baby was hit by another child in kindergarten, should I teach my child to hit back at this time? There are many different opinions on this issue. For those who think not to hit back, there are generally several reasons: “Do not hit back, hitting is not a good child, you should tell the teacher or adults, let the adults to judge and solve the problem.” “Tolerance is a traditional virtue, should be more reasoning rather than hands, not to mention that the fight between children is not even considered a real fight and bullying.” And more and more parents with new ideas think: “Of course we have to teach him to fight back, otherwise the child will become a sufferer for life”, “Tell the teacher will be looked down upon by the children, the only way to protect yourself with yourself and fight back with your fists is not to be bullied!” At this point, I especially understand the struggle. I am afraid that my child will be bullied by other children, but I am also worried that my child will become a “bear” in the eyes of others if I teach him or her wrongly. Should I teach my child to fight back when he is beaten? Let me ask you a question, “What do you do if someone hits you?” Most people would say, “Of course, I need to know why he hit me first. If there is no particularly valid reason, of course you have to hit back.” Another question is, “What would you do if someone much stronger than you hit you?” I believe that probably more than half of them would think carefully and be silent. Most of the people who ask their children to “hit back when they are hit” are ideally thinking that if they want to hit back, they can. But the reality is often much more complicated, excluding the first part of the fight between friends, the real hitting, most of them will not stop just because the other side hit back. Children do not know how to judge their own position, and teach children to be beaten to fight back, it has never occurred to them that the child must be able to fight back? If the other party is more powerful than your own child, just teach your child to fight back, you may only invite more harm. On the other hand, because the child itself has a fear of interaction, in case the hand also “can not fight back”, the psychological pressure will only be greater, the interaction will be less confident. It is not a good idea to teach your child to use violence to counter violence. Instead of teaching your child how to fight back and use violence to control violence, you should let your child learn how to effectively protect themselves. When a child is being bullied, parents can do this 1. Let the child tell the story clearly When a child is being bullied to parents, the first thing we need to do is let the child tell the story clearly and see which side is at fault. This process is also designed to help children distinguish right from wrong, if it is the child’s fault we can seriously tell the child: this thing when your fault. If it is not the child’s fault, we should also tell the child: this matter is the fault of others, you did the right thing. Then teach the child specific solutions. 2, teach your child to resist Many mothers see here will be very doubtful, not that do not let the child hit back? Then why do you say to teach your child to resist it? And there must be a prerequisite for resistance, and that is to teach your child to resist under the premise of protecting themselves. Tell your child that if someone hits you and your reprimands and warnings don’t work, then the first thing to do is to duck, don’t let them hit you, and if you have to fight back, make sure you don’t attack someone’s vulnerable parts (tell your child where to never attack). Then there is a kind of resistance is to let the child tell the teacher, you have to tell the child, tell the teacher is not an act of cowardice, tell the teacher is only in you are not yet able to solve the matter when asking for outside help to protect themselves. 3, give the child a sense of security This is a very important point, parents must first let the child feel protected, you are the child’s dependence, you can well protect them, you can tell them the way to solve the matter, to give the child the courage to face all things. If you give the child enough security, then it can be good to soothe the child in this matter received the injury, but also give the child to face all the difficulties of growing up the courage. Children are bullied, parents must not do so 1, indifferent treatment of children When children are bullied, tell their parents is the child feels helpless to parents for help, hoping to get parental protection. Then parents should never be indifferent to children say: “this kind of thing you solve yourself” or “you do not take the initiative to mess with others, others will not hit you” this kind of simple and rude and no effect of “advice “. 2, parents do not step in to solve the conflict between the children Some parents encounter this kind of thing is “passionate”, after hearing this kind of thing, the parents’ first reaction is to run to the teacher, find classmates, find each other parents one by one questioning. It seems to solve the child’s problem, but in the absence of parents, the child will not be more bullying because of parental interference? Parents did not teach him the solution, then, the next time he encounters such things, he still can not solve, will never grow, the results become worse.