Of course we want our children to be better than us, but our actions and words are constantly denying them and picking on them. This is due to the fact that negativity and criticism permeate our culture and social environment, while affirmation, appreciation and praise have become a scarce resource. So we naturally perpetuate this approach and are very used to treating our children in this way. The constant repetition of this negative message will only have a negative impact on the growth of our children. First, growing up with the sound of denial, and eventually denying ourselves. Disapproval of children is a common phenomenon, but the most deadly thing is that we habitually judge our children’s entire lives by a single standard. We don’t accept our children when their habits are a little bit bad; we deny everything about them when their grades are bad. It is easy to focus our attention on what we are not satisfied with and magnify it as the whole of our child. As a result, our children always receive information from us that they are not good here and not good there. If we can’t realize this weakness, can’t recognize this negative inertia behavior of ours, at first, children feel that their parents don’t accept them; finally, one day, children are hypnotized by their parents and think within themselves, “I am not good, I am not okay.” So parents should identify with their growing children, teach them to identify themselves, affirm themselves, know themselves objectively, and not be easily swayed by the opinions of others. Second, the harm caused by “authority”, resulting in harm to the child. Nowadays, adults have too much negativity, blame, humiliation, belittlement and contempt from parents, teachers and society when they are children, so that when they grow up, they unknowingly lose their certainty, trust and appreciation. You can only rely on the approval of outsiders to prove yourself, and you can only rely on external affirmation to be happy. If, after being hurt by parents and other authorities as a child, there is internal revulsion and even hatred. However, when we leave all our longings and expectations with our parents, we spend our lives longing and expecting to gain their approval, to gain the affirmation of authority. We are unable to feel ourselves and even less able to identify with ourselves. We need to please our parents, to please authority, and at the same time to blame those who are weaker than us. Third, parents’ low self-identity leads to demanding perfection from their children The main reason for low self-identity is that we do not accept ourselves. Our lack of acceptance of ourselves is evident everywhere in our lives. First, we do not appreciate ourselves. This appreciation is not just for our appearance, but for our inner self, for every part of our body and mind. Secondly, we are used to criticizing ourselves and comparing ourselves with others. In fact, everyone has his or her own strengths in his or her own field, and there is no need to demand perfection in one’s life to appreciate one’s growth and changes. So this complex emotion is also mixed with the deep love of parents for their children. Parents love their children so much that they can barely tolerate the slightest flaw in their children; they have too much dissatisfaction with themselves, so they have too many expectations for their children. This heavy love makes the child grow up in disapproval and causes the child to find it hard to truly identify with himself. From now on, let’s come together and start to speak out loud to affirm our children and let them truly feel their deep love!