Children can repeat their parents’ marital situations and even repeat tragedies. For example, people believe that children of single-parent families are prone to divorce, or that children of families with domestic violence are also prone to domestic violence. Does this situation really exist? [Claim 1] This is the role of empathy To explain it more clearly, it is believed in psychology that parent-child relationships and romantic relationships have very many similarities, such as attachment to the other person, demanding that they occupy an important place in the other person’s mind, fighting for as much attention as possible from the other person, demanding that the other person empathize with them (i.e. I don’t say it out loud, you know what I want), and punishing the other person in an emotional, irrational way The other person (e.g., crying, ignoring, etc.) …… So the parent-child relationship in the early years of the child’s life is easily reflected in the child’s adult search for a mate (i.e., “empathy”), and the parent-child relationship is closely related to the couple relationship –This is basically a copy of the cycle. The children of couples with failed marriages are more than twice as likely to have failed marriages as children of happily married families, and this has been confirmed by numerous social surveys and follow-up interviews. The marriage model is a comprehensive issue Marriage model is a comprehensive proposition, not only divorce and not divorce two states, happy, quarrelsome, suspicious, second wife, mistress, utilitarian, obedient …… marriage is a myriad of forms. The question should be “Are children’s patterns of thinking and behavior heavily assimilated by their parents and families?” This is a derivative of the question, and discussing whether or not marriage patterns are inherited is an almost magisterial attitude. Whether children are prone to repeat the behavior patterns of their parents depends on how long the influence of parents and family lasts on that person, or how long the person has had to shape his or her own independent personality system. This is an issue that cannot be discussed independently by ignoring the material basis, because the two main conditions of economic independence and life independence need to be met to break away from parents. Life, economic independence Enough ability to transform the living environment Economic independence does not need to be explained, life independence refers to the state in which the individual’s life is subject to less than a certain value from the parents’ family and various objective circumstances, and has enough conditions to transform the living environment according to his or her own will. If economic independence can be achieved by personal efforts, then life independence is simply a blessing and a gift – especially in contemporary China, where the social security system is not well developed and people’s lives are under great pressure with high risk factors. Once a person can achieve economic and life independence, he has the opportunity to change his role from that of an adaptor to that of a creator of the environment. Once a person has built up an independent thinking system and has the ability to question and verify all the conventions of the world, he or she can gradually break away from the influence of parents and family at an early age and act and think according to his or her true will. But the above description of the conditions shows that free thinking and independent personality are indeed a luxury, so the fact is that most people in China today are profoundly influenced by their families, which in turn are profoundly influenced by the society, and in such an environment few people can afford to pay the high cost to complete an independent thinking system, so that the whole society is helpless to show the children’s various models of their fathers The whole society is helpless to show the children’s inheritance of various patterns of their fathers. Children growing up in single-parent families and violent families are deprived of a great deal of resources, and they have to pay more to break away from their fathers’ patterns in the same social conditions, so statistically they are more likely to have problems. [Statement 3] Intimacy patterns are influenced by parents’ children who are prone to repeat and those who are determined not to repeat the opposite of their parents’ marital patterns, more repeat and less determined to the opposite. Marriage patterns are, in the end, intimacy patterns. What is the template for the intimacy pattern? The pattern of interaction with the mother (the primary caregiver) as a child. In the words of Zouzou, intimacy is modeled on attachment. This is explained from the perspective of attachment. For example, when a child was young, his mother took care of him and loved him, and he responded positively by loving his mother. he repeated the pattern of “positive love” in his early attachment relationship. he grew up and interacted with his partner, and how he responded, he loved him. Well, if the other party is also full of love from childhood, love each other; if the other party from childhood lack of love longing for love, a stage to provide a willing to perform, this is called the piano and the music; if the other party since childhood fear of love, may be a bit of trouble, how the trouble is another topic. In short, the ta will insist on repeating the pattern of “active love” in the intimate relationship (marriage). Systemic Family Therapy: Children identify with their parents’ life style From a systemic family therapy perspective, this means identification – children identify with their parents’ life style (more on this later). Parents fight all the time, and children grow up with the experience of fighting being familiar. It is logical for children to fight in their own marriages, and the way to communicate is to fight (of course this may be the subconscious default). When children encounter problems in their own marriages, they automatically start the “quarrel resolution” process. This is the positive way of identifying with the parents’ marriage. There is both positive and negative identification. We see several children in a family who use the automatic procedure of arguing to communicate, and some who are determined not to use it. The children who are determined not to use the automatic procedure of fighting to communicate are also identified, and the children who are identified in the opposite direction are screwed up and sing the opposite tune. How is it also identification? To resolutely not use quarrels is to avoid quarrels at all times, which is also connected with quarrels, and is also connected with the parents’ marriage model, which is identification. What is not identified with it, it does not matter whether to quarrel or not, the quarrel is quarrel, can quarrel can quarrel can not quarrel is not quarrel, the timely quarrel free quarrel. A dragon is born nine sons, why there is a positive identity there is a reverse identity? It is also another topic. Some people say that two people getting married is not just for two people, each couple is carrying their own ancestral cards into the marriage hall. Perhaps such a statement will make some people angry, then where is our own initiative, our acquired efforts are not at all useful? My experience is that there is, how much? I am cautiously optimistic. [Statement 4] Inner Child and Parent In terms of object relations, the early relationship with your parents contributes to the inherent way you relate to the outer object internally. Let’s say the parent is oppressive, and your inner child is submissive or with aggression. And that parental oppression and coercion is internalized into your inner parent’s way of relating. So when your family is confronted with a child, that oppressive parent will step up and take possession of you, and your child will take over that role and continue to play it as you did back then. Of course, it’s not that the relationship can’t be interrupted. Through counseling and reflection, it’s possible to fix the relationship through empathy or comprehension. I don’t agree with this statement. Although there is a probability problem, I find that the power of people’s self-setting and psychological suggestion is too powerful. For people who “believe in horoscope”, if the astrological calculator says that Scorpio will travel in the second half of the year, I think some people will most likely run to travel, if it is said that there will be a certain amount of spending next month, I think most of the brain will relax, and then go to the supermarket usually can not afford to give up things, now there seems to be a voice saying, this month, there is spending la, so do not blink an eye Throw it into the shopping cart. If I were to be described as an Aquarius, perhaps I would begin to love learning; if I were to be described as a Libra, perhaps I would begin to take the initiative to be more balanced and to love life and to be sociable. If all the voices around me are saying, “I am so poor, I grew up with an unhappy family,” there is always a voice inside saying, “You are so poor, you have an unhappy family. You can compare how many people are actually being self-referential? I’ve heard an argument that is even more amusing, saying that psychologically, people are often not chasing happiness and joy, but chasing a lack of it, and that if you have a violent father, you are likely to be fascinated by violent men. I would say, isn’t that the pits? In fact, this situation is better described as seeking a thirst for love, because, growing up parents are the most direct source of unconditional love in our lives, parents beat you up while telling you, because I love you that’s why I beat you, so that subconsciously connects love with violence, resulting in the tendency to find a violent lover in adulthood. This comes from Hellinger’s principle of systemic arrangement. A person is in a family system, TA is inevitably influenced by the family systemic dynamics, and order is the root cause. It is possible for me to identify with someone in the family, perhaps a parent, perhaps someone else in the family (note that identification is not imitation; imitation is when I am separate from the object of imitation, and I am free to decide whether to imitate him or not; identification is unconscious and uncontrollable, not even knowing that I am in the midst of identification, so I will be a stranger to myself in the midst of identification.) As a result of identification, it is possible for me to copy the fate of the identified person. From another point of view, parents are the transmitters of love in the family system, and if children live happier than their parents, they will feel guilty. We are intrinsically faithful to our parents and cannot be cut off, so it is easy to make ourselves more unfortunate than our parents in order to balance or avoid this guilt, so to surpass our parents, we must overcome this guilt in order to achieve happiness.