What should we do to deal with our significant other’s quarrels and divorce with high emotional intelligence? A good intimate relationship is a healing, growing relationship. To achieve a good state, you need to face up to the differences. The easiest place to get into conflict in an intimate relationship is when two people have very different ideas. They get so upset about it that one of them wants a divorce. Case I mentioned a case two days ago, and today I’ll use it to talk about resolving differences in intimate relationships. Xiao Lu’s disagreement with her husband about her future career was the reason why she came to me this time, and it was also the trigger for her husband to suddenly file for divorce. Xiao Lu said she felt that the direction her husband had chosen for his qigong career was unreliable and had no money prospects. She was particularly angry and often quarreled with her husband. Her husband was a stickler, and although he would nod in the face of Xiaolu’s opinions, he would not change his actions because of this. On the surface, the cause of the matter is because of the choice of career direction. In fact, Xiao Lu is saying, you are not capable, you can’t choose the industry, you have gone astray, I kindly advise you to come out, but you are so stubborn. The husband is saying, I want to prove myself, make what, you are my wife but do not recognize my ability, and do not respect my opinion. 1, see the differences Men and women think differently, we need to acknowledge. At the same time, people and people would not have thought the same. However, we are with our other half, not to argue about the differences between the two sides. Rather, each needs to bring out their strengths, commonly known as complementary strengths. It’s like starting a business with a partner, you’re good at marketing, I’m good at developing products. The perfect combination ah. 2, understanding the differences Xiao Lu said, when we fell in love before, I originally did not like him. Finally, he was surprisingly persistent, very impressed me, and because of this, I got together with him and got married. But now, my husband is addicted to qigong and obsessed, and I can’t pull him back. You see, the obsession that impressed Xiao Lu at first is what makes her so angry today. We fell in love and finally bonded because we appreciated each other’s merits. But always after a long time together, after the wear and tear, the advantages from the opposite side, into the shortcomings, will be upset or mutual disputes. 3, the way to resolve conflicts – understanding (1) understanding, not simply with the mind to force themselves to accept each other’s views. But really stand in each other’s position/role, see what each other see, think about each other’s problems, do what each other do. What Xiao Lu needs to do is to first go to the side and find out what is the qigong her husband talks about? What is the origin, what are the allusions, is it the kind that the world misinterprets? Or is it a kind of study of body cultivation? What kind of master of national studies does her husband expect to become? Go and truly experience your husband’s ambition, dream and determination. Is it as mysterious as what Xiao Lu saw from the outside? (2) Appreciation is always based on seeing the merits of the other person. When you can really understand each other, you can see where the other person shines. Only then can we truly appreciate each other’s strengths from the bottom of our hearts. (3) To reach a cooperative solution In economics, there is a concept called cooperative solution. It is necessary to find a balance point, when the balance point is found, is to reach a cooperative solution. For example, if the husband pays more in work and money to support the family, and the wife pays more in childcare and household chores, as long as a balance point is reached, it is also a cooperative solution. Xiao Lu and her husband play two mutually compatible roles in the relationship. The husband plays the role of a persistent and fearless brave man, and Xiao Lu plays the role of a careful and cautious wise man. If they accuse each other, the brave man accuses the wise man of not being brave, and the wise man accuses the brave man of not being wise. Then they will have conflicts and consume each other. If they work together to divide the work, the husband goes forward, and Xiao Lu helps control the direction of the subdivision, the two of them can cooperate to create a greater value than 1 + 1 and a more beautiful future, the interpretation of the strength: the husband and wife are of one heart, their interests are broken.