Nowadays, more and more parents realize the importance of parent-child communication. However, many of the words that come out of our mouths when we face our children lead to more and more difficult communication with them, and even more and more fire with each other! How can we speak to our children’s hearts? Case 1: The child came back from school, see is cooking mom, said aggrieved: “Mom, the next gym class, my baseball glove disappeared.” Wrong way of communicating: Mom said while frying, “What’s going on, did you go to the playground to look for it? Did you go to the lost and found? Did you tell your teacher?” The child explains, “I put it right next to my book bag, and it disappeared in a flash ……” The mom hears this, and starts to chime in kindly, “How many times have I told you to keep an eye on your things, and you’re always losing them! ” The child said angrily, “Mom, stop it!” “I’m talking about you to make you remember!” The right way to communicate: Mom cooks dinner while sticking her ear out and responding, “Oh, ……” The child continues, “I put it by my book bag.” I put it by my book bag.” Mom continues to cook, leaning slightly sideways toward the child, “Oh, right.” “I was just afraid I’d lose it and squashed it with my book bag. Why don’t I ask the grandpa watching the gym tomorrow, maybe he’ll pick it up.” Mom immediately responds, “Well, I think we can try that.” COMMUNICATION SKILL TIP: In communicating with a child, parents should first give their full attention to listening. When there’s something on your mind that you just can’t stop talking about, you can use a simple, “Oh, oh, yeah? That’s right.” The child will immediately feel noticed. In the process of talking, he can already organize his thoughts and even start to seek some solutions. We didn’t miss the opportunity to communicate with our child because of the “double mindedness”. Case 2: My daughter said to my father in frustration, “Niu Niu changed schools today, she went to an international school.” Wrong way to communicate: Dad said, “Oh, it’s okay, there are still so many students in your class.” “No, she’s my best friend.” Daughter starts to get upset. “You’ll have a new best friend soon.” Dad continued to try to comfort his daughter. But the daughter couldn’t be happy. Why is it that the more we say it’s okay, the more upset the child gets? The right way to communicate: Dad sympathizes and says, “You’re sad that your best friend has suddenly changed schools, aren’t you?” “Yes, she’s my best friend in class!” Dad continued, “I know, you two are quite close. You get out of school together every day and go to English tutoring classes together.” The daughter also said, “Yeah. It looks like I’ll only see her when I’m at the tutoring class from now on.” Dad nodded, “Yeah, and you guys can still cut English together.” The daughter says with a little excitement, “That’s good too, I’ll listen to her tell me what the international school is like, and see if her English has gotten better.” Communication Skill Tip: When you respect your child as an individual, do not impose your will on him or her, and are able to feel what he or she is feeling, and even describe what he or she is feeling in response, the child can truly be comforted. Case 3: The son begged his mother, “Mom, I want a cell phone too.” Wrong way of communicating: Mom responds, “Kids don’t need cell phones!” “Ray-Ray in my class has one!” “That’s because his home is far from school and his mom uses it to contact him.” Without waiting for her son to speak, the mother added, “If you take a cell phone, you’ll play games, which is bad for your eyes and not allowed at school.” The son didn’t relent, “I want it, I want it!” “Stop arguing, this is not negotiable.” The son got angry, “Mom you’re so annoying!” Mom gets angry too: “Is that the way to talk to an adult?” The right way to communicate: Mom takes the child’s hand and gently asks, “Do you want a cell phone?” My son timidly said, “Lei Lei in our class has one, I want one too.” Mom responded, “Yes, it would look so cool to have a cell phone in your hand.” My son immediately followed up, “Yeah, there are lots of games on it.” Mom said, “Oh, there are a lot of games, if only those games could be played without hurting your eyes and the teacher wouldn’t say anything. It would be nice if the screen was as big as our TV, and it could get bigger when it said it would, and then it could get smaller when it said it would, and then it could fit in your pocket.” “Mom, when I become an inventor, I’ll invent this.” My son’s mind was already conceptualizing his new invention. “Forget it, I don’t want the cell phone for now, Ming Ming’s one was confiscated by the teacher.” Communication Skills Tip: When a child makes some “unreasonable” demands, we should not rush to establish rules by reasoning or even rejecting them verbally. On the contrary, if we satisfy the child’s desire, and then use fantasies or exaggerated descriptions to divert the child’s attention, when the child feels understood by the parents, it will be easier to face the reality. Tips Feelings are directly related to behavior. When a child has good feelings, he or she will have good behavior. So if you want your child to have good behavior, you need parents to learn communication skills and first learn to accept your child’s feelings. Many parents are too busy to deal with their children perfunctorily, ignoring the fact that the little things they usually do are the most important things in building a parent-child relationship.