Every day, I get a lot of questions from parents about their children’s personalities and behaviors. I have always wanted to talk to parents about “family atmosphere and children’s character”, but it is difficult to find a suitable starting point. A few days ago, I suddenly remembered a very famous movie, which I think many of you have seen, “The King’s Speech”, based on a true story. I thought, “How in the world did Albert, who grew up in the royal family, become a serious stutterer? You know, a lot of stuttering stems from being psychologically devastated as a child. And, as a noble and highly regarded prince by birth, why was his brother David so confident and calm, and Albert’s character so different? After consulting the relevant historical information, the answer gradually revealed, but also made me ponder. King George V had six children, David was the eldest son, Albert was the second son. Their tutor was very strict, and Albert started stuttering when he was seven years old. In a way, it was the attitude of his father and the people around him that induced Albert to stutter. Why do you say that? George V was always stern and strong, and was very strict with his children. At first, Albert was nervous and occasionally had trouble speaking, and his father would yell at him, “Say it! Say it! Albert is left-handed, but was forced to use the right hand to write; Albert has O-shaped legs, was forced to strap on leg braces; Albert eating too nervous, even led to a stomach disease at an early age …… These, all make Albert no confidence, thus stuttering more serious, to the extent that they can not talk normally. When Albert’s brother David as the first heir to the throne, with confidence, intelligence and beauty times praised, Albert is hiding under the halo of his brother, spent a sad and frustrated childhood. In the end, as the film tells us, it was not a brilliant doctor who “cured” Albert (before that, there were eight famous doctors who all ended up failing), but a theater director who was not qualified to practice medicine, Logue. Rogge used the way to do the greatest effort to find the root of Albert’s disease from the psychological point of view, is to reduce Albert’s “frustration”, never give him pressure, to help him regain confidence. Well, let’s talk about the relationship between the family atmosphere and the child’s personality. We all know that character is very important, from the point of view of child growth, character determines behavior, is really “character determines fate”; in the formation of children’s character in childhood, how to develop character, more important than the acquisition of knowledge; childhood character once formed, will accompany the child’s life, often play a decisive role in career and life; children There are differences in the character of the child by nature, and there are many differences in the later years; the same growing environment will also foster different, or even completely opposite character; a good family atmosphere is the most important factor in the formation of the child’s character. I think, poor parents, many parents also and George V, want to raise their children as soon as possible, and do not hesitate to pay time, experience and money for this. However, if the child’s character is not confident, cheerful and tolerant enough, then, just like Albert, even if he becomes king later, he will encounter many problems. So, how to provide a suitable family atmosphere for children during their childhood? Principle 1: The family atmosphere should be relaxed, warm, democratic, and free, not authoritarian, brutal, oppressive, or dictatorial. I know that some parents will look at this principle and say, “Is it that serious? You don’t have to say that every family, indeed, needs to establish the family atmosphere from such a high spiritual level. How to put it, the family needs to have a platform like a “family constitution” – since it is a “family constitution”, it must be observed by all family members, not because of the status of This is the only way to call it a constitution. Then, it must be established by the family members together, by consensus. What should be the basic spirit of the family constitution in your family? It’s simple: just look at the historical development of human society. Do you want to have a one-man-only approach in your family, as in North Korea, or do you want to have a respectful approach to everyone’s rights, as in most countries? I don’t know why, but many parents are particularly afraid that they will not have authority in the home. I once almost got into a fight with a friend who had just become a father, and he insisted that “the son must listen to the son”, thinking that “if not, it would be chaos”. The only way I could persuade this high achiever from a prestigious university was: if your approach doesn’t work, try my approach? How about just trying it? I and he step by step analysis: If you are strong in front of the child, then, the child will form a submissive personality; if you are a lion at home, then, your child will become a sheep; when you are in your prime, the child will worship your intelligence, insight, and even physical strength; but you are weak in your twilight years, and after the child is strong, he is likely to rebel against you, abandon you; you want the child must listen to you, then, the means that you draw a box for the child, later, no matter how the child develops, will not be bigger than this box; and what a person should pursue most, is not the possibility of life? Principle 2: Every family member, regardless of gender and age, is equal and has his or her own dignity. This, too, is not recognized by many parents, why? Because many people never believe that when the child is small, not worthy to be a “complete person”, or a “little kid” who does not know anything, can not give him too much respect. Otherwise, the child will develop an unruly character, have a backbone, will not be easy to discipline. This is a particularly big misconception. When you fully respect your child, it is precisely the beginning of earning your child’s true respect. This truth is not at all profound, and everyone will understand it from the heart. But it’s not easy to really do it, especially with your own children. As I was writing these words in the notebook I carry with me (it’s a habit of mine to write down ideas as they come to me, and then organize them into a text when I get back) – I took Maruko to an event this day. Because the time was not up, a dad was watching the boy do his homework. “Two digits divided by three digits, you pig!” , “You know what, you pig brain!” …… The father was sitting across from the child, his eyes fixed on the child’s stroke, as long as there was a little mistake, he reprimanded sternly, and from time to time raised the palm of his hand to slap the child’s head. The child, who had grown quite robust, responded in a whisper with a sobbing voice while shivering and writing his homework with a sweaty head. I don’t know what kind of psychology this father had in mind to humiliate his child in public in front of dozens of parents and children – to establish his authority or to teach his child a deep lesson? Either way, I think this parent is making moves that he is destined to regret for the rest of his life. I, along with the parents and children around me, looked sympathetically at the poor child. We all want our children to be confident, brave, independent and resourceful, but when a parent calls a child a dozen times “pig” on such an occasion, the child has the heart to burrow into the ground at that time, how can they develop good character? In the family, did the father respect the mother’s family work? Did the parents say “thank you” to the elders? Parents have not come home to complain about the weather, traffic, work, a disagreement on the quarrel …… Do not think that the child can not see to hear, these words and deeds of yours are deeply engraved in the heart of the child. Do not think that what you see is the child’s true face – when you let your child out of your range, and other people together, you try to quietly observe, that is the child’s true character – and this character, many times from you You will be able to copy it from you. Principle 3: Respect your child’s personality differences, respect the laws of scientific growth, and be the provider of a good environment. We all know the truth of southern orange and northern hedgehog, not to mention the more complex human than plants. Each child has different talents and characteristics, and there is never a one-size-fits-all correct way of education. What parents have to offer to their children is the individualized approach that best suits their child in the world. While looking for individualized methods, there are still some scientific laws that can be followed. Modern medicine and psychology, have proven that children who have a lively, energetic and enjoyable experience in the process of learning are most likely to learn, and most likely to learn securely. In other words, good mood, good learning! In fact, it’s easy to know if we think about the state we are working in. When we are in anxiety, tension, or even fear for a long time, is it simply impossible to think properly, or even produce a “brain short circuit”? So, why do we have to stare at our children’s workbooks, a problem is not done correctly, then yell, exert heavy pressure? Such an environment, the child’s character development, learning ability, and how to develop a positive? So, what we parents need to do is not to do homework with the child, but to play games with the child; not to reprimand the child disobedience, but to listen to the child’s voice; not to tear up the child’s test papers, but to read with the child; not to force the child to become a success, but to give the child time to grow …… Finally, let us go back to Albert’s life — remember the stuttering King Albert — when he had his own family and children, he did the exact opposite of what his father had done. He was affable and tolerant of his children, and instead of the traditional strict royal upbringing, he created what might be called a “middle-class royal family”. Albert often referred to his family as “the four of us,” a truly close and loving family of four, with his two daughters living happily and freely – the eldest being the current Queen Elizabeth. Albert’s life, when all of us parents do a wake-up call: when the children are still young, you planted what seeds, will bear what fruit; and, once the seeds are planted, no matter how much work you put into building, grafting, it is difficult to change; do not focus on the results, spend more time with the children, respect for children, give children a good family atmosphere, that is more important than anything else!