Here are some very familiar words that I’m afraid have a far worse psychological impact on children than you might think. Let’s take a look at the “Top 6 most inhumane parenting mantras” and the reasons why they are so powerful. Top6: Do you know how hard it is for me to raise you? This phrase is included in the Top 6 of the most inhumane parenting mantras because parents who say this are using guilt to control their children. The result is a child who ignores his or her own feelings and lives for others, becoming a puppet who has lost his or her self and individuality. Once people care too much about what others think, they will ignore their own feelings, disregard their own values, listen to their parents at home, listen to their teachers at school, listen to their bosses when they grow up and work, and obey their partners when they fall in love and get married. When they are faced with life choices, they will lack courage, will consider a bunch of ideas of people who have little to do with them, such as choosing whether to break up with a lover who quarrels all day long, will consider whether the other party can bear it, whether their parents will worry, seven aunts and uncles will treat me as a failure, his parents are good to me will not be sad …… The only thing you ignore is whether you are happy! Dear parents, please don’t use such guilt to control your own children, in the moment you control your children, means that one day others will take over the puppet strings and control your children. Top5: Mommy won’t leave / Mommy will be back soon This is a phrase that mothers often say in order to be able to stabilize their children for a while when separation anxiety occurs in children between the ages of 1 and 3 and when their mothers will cry when they leave. Usually, after this phrase, mothers leave quietly or do not return after a long time. This practice seriously undermines the child’s sense of security and affects the establishment of secure attachments. This is because the way of thinking of children’s moms from 6 months to 2 years old are not object eternal. In other words, for the child, what is in front of the child is present, and what is not in front of the child thinks it does not exist and disappears. Therefore each separation is a birth separation for the child, which is why the child cries out. Before the age of 3 is the most important time for the child to build an attachment with the mother and build a good sense of security. The right way is to establish separation rituals, to kiss, hug and say goodbye to your baby when you go out, and to hug and praise your baby when you come back. The most important thing is to leave without saying goodbye, or come back with a promise not to keep. When you have to leave, come back within the time promised to the child. After a long time in this way, the child will gradually build up the mindset of object permanence, knowing that the mother will still come back when she leaves and will not disappear just because she left. There are several important aspects to help children build a sense of security: 1. stability of the provider and the environment; 2. more hugs and more touching of the child; 3. building a secure attachment with the child; 4. giving the child a sense of control and acceptance of the child’s needs and emotions, the more sensitive the parents are to the child’s emotions and needs, the more the child feels that the outside world is reliable and the more sound the construction of a sense of security. Top4: Are you pro mom or pro dad / divorced you with mom or dad Asking this question parents are generally in the following situations: 1, teasing the child, to see how the child strains; 2, want to feel the satisfaction of the child and their closer; 3, really unhappy marriage, want to understand the child’s thoughts. This statement is extremely damaging to the child, which is tantamount to tearing the child emotionally. Because both parents are the child’s closest relatives, is the child’s survival of the fundamental dependence, let the child hard to make a choice is very cruel. If the relationship between the two spouses is not good, when the mother has the idea of divorce, ask the child this question, more will let the child immersed in the fear of family breakdown, which is a great damage to the child’s sense of security, but also affect the child’s future relationship. Top3: You are the child who picked up When you are young and do not understand how life is born, you often ask yourself where you came from, especially the older generation of Chinese people, shy about reproductive issues, often use this issue to stall the child, or with strange and bizarre questions to amuse the child. There are many people who believe it when they are young, thinking that theirs is not their mother and father’s own. This phrase happens to be hugely destructive to a child’s sense of security and secure attachment. So moms and dads must not tease their children with this phrase, much less let the elderly tease them like this. There are many ways to communicate with your child about how life came to be. There are many children’s picture books on the market that will cover this topic, and there are also some great videos about the fertilization process and fetal development that you can watch with your child. When the baby is relatively small, the easiest way is to tell the child that dad and mom have seeds in their bodies respectively, and when the two seeds meet, they become a seed that can grow into a baby, which makes its home in the mother’s belly and grows gradually in the mother’s belly and can be born nine months later, which is you. Top2: who let you cry, hold back believe that the inhumanity of this sentence, many 70 and 80 parents have a first-hand understanding. China is a society that upholds patriarchal power, paternalistic style prevails, lack of care for humanity, lack of respect for individuals, especially children. Equally damaging is the fact that the Chinese traditionally do not identify with negative emotions. Chinese parents, in particular, are extremely afraid of their children crying; when a child cries, it means their own failure, their weakness, and their distraught adult. So weak parents children cry and compromise, strong parents children cry and freak out. “Who told you to cry, hold it back”, then becomes the most common mantra of strong Chinese parents when faced with a crying child. As an adult, when sad and grieving, crying is an expression of emotion, a catharsis, all uncontrollable, it is hard to imagine how cruel it is to let a child hold back when crying. The inability of parents to accept their children’s negative emotions means that the children themselves gradually also think that expressing negative emotions is an unacceptable thing, and so is hiding their emotions, and human emotions and stress is a must is to have an outlet, then the outlet will become other ways of being disguised, rebellion, strange clothes, nail biting, etc. Both adults and children should accept their own and each other’s emotions, to have a good way to express their emotions, emotions only get unblocked, people will regain their sanity, in order to obtain physical and mental health. Ignoring, denying, and rejecting the normal emotions of children is one of the worst habits of Chinese parenting, and it deserves to be ranked in the Top 2! Top1: Don’t (kiss/love) you if you don’t listen to me. With the spread and popularity of child psychology, developmental psychology, Montessori and other educational concepts in recent years, including sensitive periods, security, attachment, family of origin and other concepts are gradually accepted by more parents. Love and freedom have gradually become the generally accepted concepts of parent-child relationship. However, when children are obstinate and have emotional episodes, many parents are faced with the challenge of losing control of their emotions. In order to solve problems quickly and easily, to keep themselves from getting upset, and to avoid losing face in front of everyone, many parents would like to have a switch on their children to listen to them, and when the switch is pressed, their children return to normal. The child is naturally not a machine, emotional venting, reason needs to be restored to the process, parents will find ways to find particularly damaging language to touch the child’s psychological switch, to touch the child’s psychological switch, naturally, the child’s greatest fear of losing something, that is, the love of parents. So “smart” parents, especially the elderly, often at this time out of this I think is the most inhumane parenting mantra words: do not listen again (kiss / love) you maybe this sentence will take effect, maybe this sentence said more even the effect is no longer. But what is certain is that the child will think that being good, obedient, is a condition for getting parental love, and if he or she does not listen and behave, he or she will be stripped of the conditions on which his or her body and mind depend – parental love – anytime, anywhere. In this case, the child will gradually lose the power of self-awareness, the sense of self-acceptance, and give control of his or her life and life to others by becoming well-behaved, going to cater to parents, ignoring his or her emotions and state. Likewise, because of the fear of being deprived of love at any time, anywhere, the child’s sense of security will be seriously damaged. Poor parents, love children not only need to have a heart, but also a scientific approach, intentional force improper, often hanging on the mouth of these particularly damaging parenting mantra, love for children will become a terrible mind shackles, to the child’s young mind planted deep scars. These words, adults say lightly, to the child’s young and tender heart can be called inhumane!