In response to insecurity in marriage, I take you through the lens of economics, parenting, family of origin, secretarial positions, relationships, and even including hospital visits and more. Don’t look as if it has nothing to do with marriage, let’s try to look at the issue of security from a more open point of view, so as to increase the sense of security between partners more comfortably. First, the two sides of security Let’s first analyze the word “security”. This word in fact has two sides, one is from their own to the outside world of a safe feeling, the other is from the outside world to the inside of a trustworthy feeling. In the language of psychology, the first aspect is the security of the self: the family of origin, the personal past, the inner fulfillment of the moment, the kind of security that one gives oneself. The second aspect is trust, the behavior or endorsement of the corresponding other party, acquiring enough trust. We analyze separately. Second, their own sense of security In psychology, men and women in intimate relationships, in fact, and childhood mother and son, mother and daughter intimate relationship is very similar. And often in the interaction with the partner, unconsciously repeat the pattern of childhood mother-child intimacy. The lack of attention, response, and care from the childhood mother can easily lead to the child growing up feeling unloved or insecure. Of course, mother in this context refers generically to the nurturer. This situation requires the child to grow up, gradually complete himself, understand that he is worthy of being loved, and carry out self-differentiation completely. Part of it requires recognizing oneself, expanding one’s circle of competence, finding one’s worth, and completing oneself. Another part is to reconcile with the mother and become complete as an adult by gaining her attention and love. A sense of security is gained. There is also a part of being an adult and gaining attention and love in an intimate relationship with a partner and becoming whole as well. A sense of security is gained. Of course, there is also the security gained in career, in people, and these aspects can also make a person richer inside. The counselor, Big M, had an ex-girlfriend who checked in on everything. The checkups also need to take pictures, and after taking pictures, they also need to make videos, and the videos also need to narrate the women inside. Face to face when you grab a cell phone, violently snatched to view, must be big M little by little explanation. The ex-girlfriend is completely insecure. And is insecure to the point of hair-raising. A small part of this may be the usual big M details did not do perfect problem, but most of the ex-girlfriend itself must have something to do with the lack of love. Even with the family of origin. Third, trust – to gain credibility 1, action to gain credibility: in the work, especially secretaries, assistants, will deliberately mention a line of work guidelines: “everything has a response, everything has to fall” This guideline, although it seems simple, do it is not easy. This guideline seems simple, but it is not easy to do, because every little thing, there should be a response, all have to be settled, and is a timely response. Not long ago I chatted with a buddy I hadn’t talked to for a long time, and he said they had set up a new company, which was a subsidiary of a newly listed company. In the course of chatting, I heard him say that he was looking for policies and office areas in a certain district in Chengdu. It just so happened that I had contacted the relevant work not long ago, so I introduced the staff of the district management committee to him. He did the following: (1) took the initiative to clarify the details of the information without ambiguity: clearly gave me the name of the new company and Tianyecha information, clearly informed me of the code of the full name of the listed company, and clearly told me his demands. So that I can easily account for it when I push the business card. So I gave both sides to explain clearly and push business cards, I also put it down. (2) The same day the initiative to give a reply: then this buddy after contact, the same evening with me to reply, has made an appointment with the staff next Tuesday and the chairman of the board of directors to go over to talk. (3) Report on the same day: Then on Tuesday, when he left in the morning, he also left me a message saying that he was already on his way there with the chairman. (4) the same day to inform the results: Tuesday afternoon after the talk, with me WeChat said they talked about the results and the day’s harvest. Seriously, look at the details of what he did, “everything has a response, every piece has a landing”. In fact, even if he didn’t do 1,2,3,4 and just told me roughly, I would have referred him, but the sense of feedback on this was not as clear. It wouldn’t make me feel like this guy is reliable and valued. Now, if he has something else I happen to be able to help with, I’d be more than happy to introduce him to resources or matchmaking again. And in the marriage and relationship phase? The same, “responding to everything and having everything done” will make you more reliable and make your other half feel solid and secure. For example, although work is very busy, but promised his wife things, will certainly do, even if it is promised to go home to his wife to bring her favorite sugar crispy ribs. The wife will feel that you have her in mind; although the husband traveled for a long time without meeting, but you usually say things will be done, then he will feel solid and secure, so he trusts you, and will not think about it in the slightest. Of course, I also received a counselor sister Xiaolin, she told me that her boyfriend’s wallet contains the breast stickers of his ex-girlfriend. And does not want to throw away. Xiaolin is particularly irritated and insecure. Three days a big trouble, five days a small trouble. The boyfriend was exhausted by this, and instead felt that Xiaolin was too much. You see, the boyfriend’s behavior undermined Xiaolin’s sense of security, this sense of security is the two sides together to establish, rather than that Xiaolin himself atmosphere independent understanding can have. “Words must be faithful, actions must be fruitful” Xiaolin also said that her boyfriend used to often in some small things, promised to do things can not be done. For example, her boyfriend promised to write her a love letter, but a month and a half past, her boyfriend forgot about it. For example, her boyfriend promised to go on a business trip for too long without regard to Xiaolin’s feelings, and come back to make up for her, but there is no action, no gift, not even a comforting little red envelope, Xiaolin feel especially aggrieved and insecure. Also, when it comes to parenting, there is this one. My mom says that promises made to your child must be honored, and what you promise must be done, or your child will not listen to you. For example, before my daughter left the house, she said, “Grandma, I want a lollipop, buy me one later. So my mom took my daughter out to play, and my mom made sure to buy her a lollipop, even if my daughter had already had too much fun to forget. You see, it’s the same whether you’re parenting or in a relationship. 2, endorsement to gain credibility, sunk costs to gain credibility: We usually if we recommend a good workplace, the reliable way to recommend, is to find someone to endorse him. Or there are other ways of endorsement. For example, we go to the hospital to see a doctor, the hospital will sometimes be on the website, the public area and other channels, publicizing the qualifications of the doctor, such as so and so prestigious university master’s degree, doctorate, in a certain field of clinical how many how many years. This is also an endorsement of education, years of experience, and so on. It is also a sunk cost. Years of study, years of clinical research, the sunk costs of these are huge. And when you meet a doctor, the doctor will also have a white coat with his or her title nameplate, which is also a form of professional endorsement. All forms of endorsement are designed to increase trust and gain credibility. In this way, when we go to great lengths to make an appointment with a specialist, even though we have never met him, we will be trusting in our hearts, and we will be very willing to have him treat us. You see, this is trust. Sometimes, when it comes to marriage proposals, there are especially honest people who will bring along their real estate license, paycheck card, and house key to the proposal. That carries a lot more weight than just candles and roses. It’s also a kind of endorsement, or rather, a sunk cost. Meaning, look, I’ve invested so many sunk costs to marry you, and I mean it. In summary, you see, security is not one-sided. The line in the internet article, that only you can give yourself security, the security here is actually one-sided.