Family education is actually an art of “moving the heart”, if you can not do the work to the heart of the child, the effect of education will often be pale and ineffective. Therefore, in the process of educating children, every mother should try to explore the positive or negative effects of some “psychological laws” and play their role to avoid harm, so as to scientifically guide their children to become their ideal human dragons, human phoenixes! Psychological laws a: Rosenthal effect The famous American psychologist Rosenthal had done such an experiment: he put a group of mice randomly divided into two groups: Group A and Group B, and told the breeder of Group A that this group of mice is very smart; at the same time told the breeder of Group B that his group of mice general intelligence. A few months later, the professor of the two groups of rats through the maze test, found that the rats in group A really smarter than the rats in group B, they were able to get out of the maze and find food first. So Professor Rosenthal was inspired, he thought this effect can also happen to people? He came to an ordinary high school, in a class casually walked, and then on the list of students circled a few names, told their teachers that these students are very high IQ, very smart. After some time, the professor came back to this high school, and the miracle happened again, those few students he had selected now really became the top of the class. Why did this phenomenon happen? It is the magic of “suggestion” that is at work. Everyone receives psychological hints of one kind or another in their lives, some positive and some negative. The mother is the person whom the child loves, trusts and relies on the most, and she is also the one who imparts psychological cues. If it is a long-term negative and bad psychological cues, it will affect the child’s emotions, and in serious cases, even his or her mental health. On the contrary, if the mother has high expectations and positive affirmations for her child, nourishing the child’s heart through expectant eyes, approving smiles and motivating words, making the child more self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence and self-improvement, then how high your expectations are and how great the child’s future results will be! Psychological law two: the over-the-limit effect The famous American writer Mark? Twain once listened to a pastor’s speech in church. Initially, he felt that the pastor spoke very well and moved people to prepare for donations. After 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, he was a little impatient and decided to donate only some change. After another 10 minutes, the pastor still hadn’t finished, so he decided not to donate even one penny. When the pastor finally finished his long speech and began to collect donations, Mark Twain was so angry that he did not only donate a penny. Twain, out of anger, not only did not donate money, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate. This kind of stimulus is too much, too strong and too long and cause psychological impatience or resistance to the psychological phenomenon, known as the “limit effect”. The over-the-limit effect often occurs in homeschooling. For example, when a child makes a mistake, the parents will repeat the same criticism once, twice, three times, or even four or five times, making the child go from guilt to impatience and even disgust. If you are “pushed”, you will have a “I want it this way” mentality and behavior of resistance. As you can see, a mother should not criticize her child more than once, and should only criticize her child once if she makes a mistake. If you have to criticize again, you should not simply repeat it, but change your perspective and say something else. In this way, the child will not feel the same mistakes are “caught in the middle”, boredom, rebelliousness will also be reduced. Psychological law three: Desi effect Psychologist Desi once told a fable: a group of children in front of an old man’s house frolic, screaming. A few days passed, the old man could not stand it. So he came out and gave each child 10 cents, saying to them: “You make this place very lively, I feel a lot younger, this money to show my gratitude.” The children were so happy that they still came the next day and played as usual. The old man came out again and gave each child 5 cents. 5 cents is not bad, I think, and the children still went away with great joy. On the third day, the old man only gave each child 2 cents, the children were furious, “only 2 cents a day, do you know how hard we work!” They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again! In this parable, the old man’s method is simple: he turns the children’s internal motivation “to play for their own pleasure” into an external motivation “to play for cents”, and he manipulates the external factor of cents, so he also manipulates the children’s behavior. The Desi effect is sometimes seen in life. For example, parents often say to their children: “If you get 100 points on this test, you will be rewarded with 100 dollars”, “If you can get into the top 5, you will be rewarded with a new toy”, and so on. Parents may not have thought that it is this inappropriate reward mechanism that will be the child’s interest in learning a little bit diminished. In learning, parents should guide their children to set ambitious ideals, promote their children’s emotions and interest in learning, increase their children’s motivation for learning itself, and help them reap the benefits of learning. Parents’ rewards can be some things that help learning, such as books and learning utensils, while some rewards that have nothing to do with learning are best avoided. The “south wind effect”, also known as the “warmth effect”, is derived from a fable written by French writer La Fondation. The French writer La Fontaine wrote a fable: the north wind and the south wind than the power to see who can take off the coat on the pedestrian. The north wind comes first with a cold wind and a biting cold, as a result of which the pedestrians wrap their coats tightly in order to resist the north wind. The south wind blew slowly, and the wind and the sun were suddenly beautiful, so the pedestrians felt the spring warmth on their bodies, and began to unbutton and then take off their coats, and the south wind won. The reason why the south wind achieves its purpose in the story is that it responds to the inner needs of people. This kind of psychological response to inspire self-reflection and satisfy self-needs is the “south wind effect”. From this, we can know that the use of “stick”, “intimidation” and other “north wind” education methods in family education is not desirable. The implementation of warm education, more “humane” type of praise, to cultivate children consciously upward, in order to achieve twice the effect with half the effort. Psychological law five: the barrel effect “barrel” effect means: a barrel along the mouth is not flush, it holds the amount of water, not in the longest piece of wood on the barrel, but in the shortest piece of wood on the barrel. A child’s comprehensive academic performance is like a big barrel, and each academic performance is an indispensable board of the barrel. The stable formation of a child’s good academic performance cannot depend on the outstanding performance of a few subjects, but should depend on its overall condition, especially on some of its weak points. So when you find your child’s deficiencies in certain subjects, you should promptly remind your child to spend more time on the subject to “make up for it”. Psychological law six: Hawthorne effect The Hawthorne factory outside Chicago, USA is a manufacturing telephone exchange factory, there are better recreational facilities, medical system and pension system, but workers are still indignant, production conditions are very unsatisfactory. Later, psychologists conducted an experiment specifically for it, that is, with two years, the experts looked for more than 20,000 individual conversations with workers, stipulating that during the conversation, they should listen patiently to the various opinions and grievances of the workers towards the factory. This talk experiment received unexpected results: the output of the Hawthorne factory increased significantly. Children inevitably have confusion or dissatisfaction in the process of learning and growing up, but they can’t fully express it. As a mother, try to make time to talk with your child, and in the process of talking, you should patiently guide your child to speak to his or her heart’s content, to tell his or her confusion in life and learning, to tell his or her dissatisfaction with parents, school, teachers, classmates, etc. After the child has “spoken”, there will be a kind of venting satisfaction, they will feel relaxed and comfortable. In this way, they will work harder in their studies and be more confident in their lives! Psychological law seven: increase or decrease effect interpersonal interaction “increase or decrease effect” means: anyone who wants the other party to their own like to “increasing” rather than “decreasing”. For example, many salespeople is to seize this psychology, in weighing goods to customers always grab a small pile in the weighing tray and then add a little bit into, rather than first grab a large pile in the weighing tray and then a little bit out. When we evaluate our children, we inevitably tell them about their shortcomings and strengths, and often use the “praise first, then disparage” method. In fact, this is a very undesirable method of evaluation. In the evaluation of children, we may wish to use the “increase and decrease effect”, such as first say the child some small problems that do not hurt the dignity, and then appropriately give praise …… psychological law eight: the butterfly effect According to research, a butterfly in the southern hemisphere occasionally flapping wings brought up by the weak airflow, due to a variety of other factors mixed, a few weeks later , will actually become a tornado that swept the United States Texas! Disorder scientists call this phenomenon “butterfly effect”, and made a theoretical expression: a very small cause, after a certain period of time and other factors involved in the role, can develop into an extremely large and complex influence. The “butterfly effect” tells us that there are no small things in educating children. A word of expression, a matter of handling, correct and appropriate, may affect the child’s life; wrong and arbitrary, it may be a lifetime of children. Psychological law nine: labeling effect During the Second World War, the United States due to the lack of troops, and the war does need a group of soldiers. So, the U.S. government decided to organize the prisoners in prison to fight at the front. For this reason, the U.S. government sent several psychologists to train and mobilize the prisoners before the war, and go to the front with them to fight. During the training period, the psychologists did not lecture them too much, but especially emphasized that the prisoners write a letter to their nearest and dearest every week. The content of the letter was drawn up by the psychologists and described how well the inmates had done in prison and how they had changed for the better. The experts asked the inmates to copy the letters carefully and send them to their dearest ones. Three months later, the prisoners were sent to the front, and the experts asked them to write letters to their relatives about how well they had obeyed the command and how brave they had been. As a result, the prisoners performed no less well on the battlefield than the regular army, and they were as obedient and brave in the battle as they said in their letters. Later, psychologists called this phenomenon the “labeling effect”, also known as the suggestion effect in psychology. This psychological law has an extremely important role in family education. For example, if we always yell at our children “idiot”, “pig-headed”, “how so stupid”, “even such a simple topic can not do If we keep yelling at our children “stupid”, “pig-headed”, “how can you be so stupid”, “you can’t even do such a simple problem”, etc., over time, they may really become what we call “stupid”. Therefore, the mother must quit ridiculing and humiliating, blaming and complaining, threatening and intimidating language, and use more motivational language and more positive labels for the child. The psychological law of ten: the threshold effect There is often a phenomenon in everyday life: when you ask for help, if you start with a high demand, it is easy to be rejected; and if you first put forward a smaller demand, others agreed to increase the weight of the demand, it is easier to achieve the goal, this phenomenon is known as the “threshold effect” by psychologists. In family education, we can also use the “threshold effect”. For example, first put forward lower requirements for children, when they do as required, to affirm, praise and even reward, and then gradually increase the requirements, so that children are happy to endlessly active and upward.