In life, some children are very polite, see the community uncle, aunt will always warmly greet, while some children always do not know what to do, a moment to destroy public facilities, a moment to bully the younger children than him, adults always see him shaking their heads and say: “too naughty! ;Some children are very active, get up on time, finish their homework on time, and actively prep, while some children always procrastinate, late, can not finish their homework …… the same few years old to teenage children, at such a young age there is such an obvious gap, in addition to personality factors, what other factors? Child psychologists point out that, excluding special circumstances, the intelligence of each child is comparable, the gap between children caused by intelligence is not very large, on the contrary, the acquired educational factors largely determine the gap between children. The British educational thinker Locke mentioned early that home education must be careful and cautious, not to be taken lightly, he said, “educational mistakes and the wrong medicine, the first time you get it wrong, you must not expect to remedy with the second and third time, their impact is a lifelong cleansing can not be removed.” So, it is really necessary for mothers to know some common sense things before educating their children, or at least to know whether they are educating in the right way and what mistakes they must not make when educating their children. In fact, as long as mothers pay attention to the observation will find that they often make such mistakes when educating their children: Mistake 1: unprincipled compromise with the child “I want to function more stationery box”, “I want to eat KFC” 8-year-old Xiao Bei often capriciously shouted to her mother so. Once her demands are not met, she will cry and scream in anger, and then threaten her mother by not eating or going to school, and she will not stop until her demands are met. When this happens, the mother usually has no choice but to give in to her. Why do children always ask their mothers for this and that, and throw tantrums when their demands are not met? The reason for this is that the child has already figured out the mother’s mind. They understand that very often, the “no” in the mother’s mouth is not really a “no”, but only a “may not”, and this “may not” can be quickly converted into a “yes”, as long as they make a lot of noise to achieve the purpose. Thus, under such environmental stimulation, children gradually master the tried-and-true trick of controlling their parents by crying desperately. As a result, the child will also develop many bad habits, such as capriciousness, greed, vanity, etc. The second mistake: using material things to make up for the lack of parent-child time Shuai Shuai’s mother is the owner of a company, the least of which is money. Since she is usually busy with social engagements, she rarely has time for her children. However, as soon as the weekend comes, she will take her children out to play, no matter what kind of requests they make, they will give satisfaction. In life, there are many mothers like Shuai Shuai’s mother who do not have much time to spend with their children and feel ashamed, so they buy their children a lot of various clothes, school supplies, snacks, etc., one is to comfort themselves, on the other hand, they want to do everything possible to get a smile from their children. In fact, this excessive materialistic approach to compensate the child is very unscientific. If children are often allowed to be compensated from material things, they will think that their mother thinks money is important, and then they will also unconsciously see material things as supreme, which will form a distorted perception in their minds. Moreover, they will also develop the habit of not taking asking their mothers for things or making conditions seriously. Research in child psychology shows that the mother is important in the development of the child until the child is 13 years old, and the father’s role is even greater after adolescence. Therefore, mothers must not neglect the education of their children until they are 13 years old. If the mother is really busy with work or has her own business like Shuai Shuai’s mother, then the mother should tell her child about these situations: “Mommy really wants to spend time with you, but Mommy has something very important to do and will compensate you when it is finished.” However, try not to compensate with material things. You can communicate with your child every day by phone and tell him or her what you are doing right now, to let him or her know that mom is thinking about him or her whenever he or she is. Mistake 3: There is no need for your child to do housework Wen is in the fourth grade and does well in school, but she just doesn’t like to work. Whenever there is a big class cleaning, she finds excuses to take off or finds a very easy job to do slowly. When the teacher called her aside and urged her very sincerely to love labor, she said to the teacher impatiently, “I never work at home; my mother always does the labor at our house.” The teacher relayed Wen’s words to Wen’s mother, who said helplessly, “This child has been lazy since she was a child, and there is no way out.” “There is no such thing as a lazy child, and the lack of education on household chores is an important reason for children’s lazy habits. When the child is small, the mother is afraid that the child will be tired, often on the grounds that “the child is too young to do housework”; when the child is older, the mother thinks that doing housework will delay the child’s studies, so she does not require the child to participate in housework, even if the child has the desire to do housework, it will be extinguished in the mother’s refusal again and again. In fact, this practice is not conducive to the growth of children, it will induce children to develop the bad habits of “good and bad work”, “good food and lazy work”. The educator Sukhomlinsky once admonished mothers: “Do not protect your children from work, and do not be afraid that your children’s hands will wear calluses. Let your children know that bread is not easy to come by. This kind of labor is a real joy for children. Through labor, not only can they learn about the world, but they can also learn about themselves better.” As you can see, it is beneficial to let children properly participate in labor, which is good for strengthening their physical fitness, cultivating their sense of responsibility, exercising their will and perseverance, etc. Therefore, mothers should let go of their children when they should, and stop taking care of things that are within the child’s power. As a member of the family, the child has the right to participate in various activities of the family. The mother, out of concern and love for the child, does not allow the child to do housework, but in fact, she is invariably depriving the child of this right, and actually isolates the child from the family. I believe that wise mothers will never do this! Mistake #4: Not respecting your child’s privacy Privacy, is a secret that everyone hides in their hearts and is not willing to tell others. Everyone has their own privacy, and children are no exception. As they grow older, their field of life, knowledge and emotions are gradually enriched, the child’s sense of self, self-esteem is increasing, the original carefree open heart is gradually closed up. However, many mothers do not realize that their children are growing up and ignore the fact that children also have their own secrets. They always think that they are their children’s mothers and can enter their children’s world and intrude into their children’s “privacy” at will, or even interfere violently, open letters, listen in, and peek at their diaries. But if a mother peeks into her child’s privacy in order to understand her child, it will often cost her more than it’s worth – a 9-year-old girl didn’t say a word to her mother for more than a week because her mother peeked into her diary, and finally the mother had no choice but to ask her teacher for help. It has been proven that a mother’s lack of respect for her child’s privacy only hurts the child’s self-esteem, and the child will take more extreme measures to protect her privacy and keep her heart locked up because her privacy has been violated. This way, it becomes more difficult for the mother to understand her child, and the original harmonious parent-child relationship is destroyed. So, what can a mother do to truly respect her child’s privacy? First of all, in life, the mother should pay close attention to the subtle changes in the child’s attitude and behavior. When a child wants his or her room to be undisturbed, the mother should not enter it; when a child wants to have a diary to record his or her secrets, the mother should not peek at it. In fact, when a mother respects her child with her words and actions, the child will also respect her mother and thus consider her as his good friend. When they encounter something or have a secret in their heart, they are likely to talk about it to their mother. Also, when a mother needs to enter her child’s room, she should knock on the door and politely ask him, “May I come in?” When the child writes a diary or letter, if the mother wants to read it, she must ask the child’s permission. The mother can say, “What are you writing, my child? Can mommy read it?” When a mother wants to help her child clean up his or her room, desk, or book bag, it is best to let the child know. The mother should say, “Let mommy help you clean up, will you watch?” Mistake #5: Misusing Praise Many mothers nowadays know the importance of appreciation education, so they often hang on to words of praise for their children. This is very helpful to help children build self-confidence, but at the same time, too much praise will make the child’s ability to withstand setbacks is very poor. A 9-year-old boy, eloquent and knowledgeable, his mother often praised the child’s intelligence in front of and behind people, so he was always very proud in front of other students. Once, the teacher asked him to answer a question, and he didn’t answer because he wasn’t paying attention to the lesson, so the teacher naturally said something about him. Because of this incident, he was so upset that he didn’t want to go to school anymore. Later, after the teacher’s patient and repeated persuasion, he put down his burden of thought. Mom’s praise should not be abused. If you praise your child for the normal things he or she should do every day (such as completing homework on time), over time he or she is likely to use it as a quid pro quo for gaining benefits or as capital to blackmail parents. In addition, the mother must be specific and clear when praising the child where he or she has done well. A little girl held up a painting she had just finished for her mother to see, and after looking at it carefully for a while she said to her, “Your birds are so detailed and the colors of the flowers are so vibrant, the whole painting looks very coordinated!” After that, the mother was still seriously admiring it, and then she said to the child, “There is still a blank space in the sky, if you add something there, the painting will be more complete!” The child listened to his mother and painted happily again. The wisdom of this mother is that she clearly explained what the child deserves to be praised for and pointed out the direction for the child to work on. In this way, the child was encouraged by her mother’s praise, and the shortcomings she pointed out also helped the child to set new goals and gradually understand that she can only achieve more if she is not satisfied with the status quo and constantly surpasses herself. Mistake 6: Portraying herself as a sacrificial victim “Son, since we had you, mommy has never once watched a movie properly.”” If it weren’t for you, mommy would probably have become a successful entrepreneur by now.”” Because of you, mommy is so worried that she’s tired of being sick.” …… These are the words we often hear in life, and some mothers often portray themselves as sacrificial victims, trying to impress their children and arouse their pity so that they will listen. Sometimes, this approach of the mother does make the child obedient. However, if a mother says such things to her child on a regular basis, it can create a sense of guilt in the child, and a person with a sense of guilt will often adopt a self-loathing approach to get through life. Mistake 7: Like to compare with other people’s children Xiao Fei’s mother is particularly excited when she talks about her daughter, “We do parents for what? We can’t afford to eat or wear anything, but she doesn’t give us a fighting chance. Look, our colleague’s child, who is one year younger than her, can speak English fluently. Whenever Xiao Fei heard her mother say this, she was full of grievances, she often secretly wrote in her diary: “Since I can remember, my mother is constantly comparing others with me, seeing other children drawing and painting well, she said I have no talent, let me also learn to draw; see other children play the violin well, she let me learn the violin …… In one year, I learned nearly five specialties, but I didn’t learn anything. Why does my mother always see the good points of other children, but not mine?” No two children in the world are exactly the same, and each child has its own strengths and weaknesses, as well as different abilities and strengths. Mothers always compare the strengths of other children with their own, which will cause great damage to the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence, and will probably cause the child to become depressed and negative from now on. Mistake 8: Not giving children the opportunity to experience frustration Xiao Xue is in fourth grade this year, and today at noon, before her mother had finished her lunch, she saw Xiao Xue running home crying and telling her mother, “I’m not going to school.” Mom asked her what happened, and she ignored her mother and just cried sadly. Later, after her mother persuaded her for half a day, she told the reason: some classmates called her ugly today. Xiao Xue was the class president in her class and was a child of good character. She grew up well behaved and understanding, receiving applause and flowers, praise from others incessantly, her family doted on her. Obviously, the fact that her classmates called her ugly was too much for her to accept. As most children nowadays are only children, parents are always eager to give their children a peaceful environment to grow up in and are not willing to let them suffer too much. Therefore, they do everything for their children except saying that when the child encounters difficulties and frustrations, the child has not yet reacted to what is going on, and the parents have already put these troubles in order for the child. In this way, the child is completely deprived of the opportunity to experience frustration. In fact, parents are not doing this for the good of their children. Children who grow up under the complete care of their parents are often psychologically unsound, they can not withstand any setbacks and failures, so they often grow up because they do not adapt to the fierce competition and complex and changing society and deeply painful. Mistake 9: Saying “You’re stupid” to your child often A child who has just started school muttered to his mother, “Mom, I didn’t come first in this test!” The mother, on the other hand, said to her child with a trusting, encouraging gaze, “You are always the best in your mother’s eyes!” Obviously, this mother is appreciating and encouraging her child. The child’s confidence will definitely increase after hearing the mother’s encouragement, and he or she will work hard to get good grades next time. However, if the mother said to her child in a contrary manner, “You child, why are you so stupid! You still got the wrong answer to such an easy question, what a pig brain!” What would be the result of such an educational approach? At this point, the mother has put a “pig brain” hat on the child, making him think he is stupid since childhood, how can he strive for good grades? If the child has a mentality of inferior to others since childhood, no confidence, until the real failure, he will be “stupid” as a reason, he has a talisman: I was born stupid, so I do not try! Some mothers often say to their children “you’re so stupid”. In fact, from the perspective of brain physiology, there is no difference between a normal human mind that is born good or bad. So, how can you make your child’s mind work better and more intelligently? Child psychologists say that a confident child’s mind is always active, while those who lack self-confidence unconsciously let their minds become closed and rigid. As you can see, a child who thinks he or she is stupid will naturally have a closed mind. Therefore, mothers, please don’t use the words “you’re stupid” to bind your child’s mind! Mistake 10: Failure to grasp the “focus” of education The child wants to go to play with friends, the mother told “you can go, but you must be back before 5 pm”, and then send him out. However, the child did not come back at 5:00, and the child returned home only 20 minutes after the appointed time. In this case, many mothers will simply blame their children for not keeping the promise: “If you said you would be home at 5:00, you should be home on time! Next time, if you don’t keep your promise, you won’t be allowed to go out to play.” “Why don’t you keep your promise? How can you be a man of your word if you lie all the time?” In fact, the mother’s words are very reasonable, but when you think about it, “you can’t fail to keep your promises” and “you can’t be a trustworthy person by lying”, which children already know, are not the focus of this education. The crux of the matter is how the child can keep the agreement, and this is the part where the mother should make specific suggestions. In this case, the child knew very well that she had to be home at 5:00, but she forgot about it after playing too much. The mother’s reprimand for not keeping the promise after the late return does not teach the child any sense. If the mother makes a suggestion so that the child can come home at the appointed time, this is an effective education. For example, next time you can let your child wear a watch that chimes at 5 o’clock; or say, “Mom will pick you up at 5 o’clock”; or tell your child, “Next time you go to a friend’s house to play, if you can’t come back at the appointed time, call and talk to your mom.” Teaching your child some specific methods is the most effective education that captures the focus.