After a child learns to take off his pants to relieve himself, the phenomenon of repeatedly holding back stool or holding back urine and relieving stool or urine in the crotch of the pants is a sign of the arrival of the child’s anal desire period. What is the anal desire period? The anal desire period is a sexual experience for the child during the contraction and relaxation of the anal and urethral sphincter muscles, and the child will get such a physiological pleasure in holding the urine. It is the contraction and relaxation of the anal and urethral sphincters that can give the child a sexual experience through the anal desire period. So the child gets sexual pleasure in holding the urine. Other babies may even become obsessed and curious about their own feces, and they may play with their poop or pee during this phase. At that time, the anal desire period will usually end in 1-2 months, parents do not have to be nervous and do not blame the child too much, because your accusation is likely to cause psychological pressure on the child, the child is nervous will lead to the control of the rhythm of stool out of control. So that the situation of pulling in the pants may be more and more, the end of the anal desire period will be delayed. If the child is in the anal desire period, the family must maintain an attitude, the whole family can not accuse the child, can not discuss this matter in front of the child, also can not be a joke to tease the child to play, this will make the child feel self-esteem humiliated shame and uneasiness, so that the child’s sexual life in adulthood to have a psychological barrier. If the baby is obsessed with excrement, parents must not look at this matter with the eyes of adults, to tell the baby that this thing has bacteria, must wash their hands after the study, otherwise they will get sick, parents can help the child to wash their hands. You can also tell the child to go to the bathroom later, so that a calm attitude to deal with the right way to help the baby through the anal desire period is the right thing to do. The time span of the anal desire period: The child’s anal desire period usually goes through about two months will end, the end of the anal desire period, marking the child’s sexual psychology toward the next stage – genital period. In these two months, if the adult is too harsh on the child’s urinary and bowel training, the child will feel nervous, psychological pressure, will disturb the child’s natural rhythm of controlling urinary and bowel movements, the more often the child will relieve urinary and bowel movements in his pants, and the longer the delay of the anal desire period will be. Some children don’t end their anal desire period for several months or even more than half a year, and the child’s sexual development comes to a standstill. Characteristics of the anal desire period and its performance: ① roughly 1 ½ to 3 years of age, the performance of the anal desire period; ② young children have learned to take off their own pants to relieve urine and feces, repeatedly holding stool or urine, and stool or urine in the crotch of the pants, which is the typical performance of the anal desire period. Some toddlers will hide in their rooms, behind curtains, or behind the door of their rooms when they are holding back their stool or urine; ③ When holding back their stool or urine, they will appear to be red in the face, sweaty, tense all over the body, clench their hands into fists, and flex their joints of their limbs, etc., which is a manifestation of the toddlers’ experience of sexual pleasure; ④ They will relieve their stool or urine on the floor, study it carefully, pay special attention to their own stool and urine, feel it in their hands, and name it; ⑤ They will frequently go to the restroom to urinate, and will relieve themselves in their crotch; ⑤ They will frequently go to the bathroom to urinate, and will relieve themselves in their crotch. Frequent urination and defecation in the restroom, the rhythm of urination and defecation is different from the past, sometimes the bowel movement will be once every 2~3 days, or hold the bowel movement to a longer period of time; these are the manifestations of the arrival of the anal desire period of children. During the anogenital period, young children are practicing how to control their anal and urethral sphincters, and this practice also brings sexual experiences to the child. If a child’s anogenital phase goes well, it usually ends after about 2 months. The end of the anogenital phase marks the next stage of a child’s sexual psyche, the genital phase. Not every child exhibits a very pronounced anogenital phase. Young children will continue to eat their fingers and gnaw on objects after entering the anogenital stage; ⑥ Development of gender awareness: observing and learning about the gender roles of parents in the family. After the age of 2 years, boys gradually move away from identifying with their mothers and toward identifying with their fathers. Learning to identify with and understand one’s own gender role. Children identify with and understand their own gender at about 3 years of age. Parents’ principles for coping with their children’s anal desire period include: Principle 1, accept and respect the child’s anal desire period. Parents should understand the psychological and physiological development of the child’s anal desire period, understand that this is a stage of the child’s sexual development, in order to be able to truly accept and respect the child’s development from the heart. You can’t talk about your child wetting his pants or pooping in his pants, not to mention discussing it in front of your child. It is important that family members are consistent in their approach to their child’s anal-vaginal behavior, otherwise it can cause anxiety for the child and lead to prolongation of this stage. If the mother does not accept the child’s anogenital manifestations and loses her temper with the child, it will lead to nervousness and anxiety. When the child can’t withstand the pressure her parents put on her, she will appear to withdraw, wishing that she was back to the time when she was small, when she peed her pants and her mother wouldn’t scold her, this is the child’s search for self-protection methods. Principle two, do not interrupt the child is holding urine or stool. Parents should not say to a child who is holding his or her poop, “Look you can’t hold it anymore, go to the bathroom!” It is not acceptable to carry a child who is holding his or her poop directly into the restroom or to forcefully press and sit on the toilet, as this will disrupt the experience the child is having. Principle 3: Do not treat changes in your child’s bowel rhythm as constipation. When the child’s bowel rhythm changes, parents should not easily treat it as constipation and force the child to use open plugs and bars of soap to stuff the anus. This fear and pain will be tightly associated with the child’s bowel movements, causing the child to develop a sense of fear of bowel movements and a sense of pain, and as a result, the child will be inhibited from defecating for a long period of time, which ultimately leads to true constipation. Parents should not give their children traditional Chinese medicine or eat a lot of fruits and vegetables because of the change in their child’s bowel rhythm. Not only will this not change the course of the child’s anorectal period, but it will also make the child feel that his or her own body is showing “unhealthy signs,” creating a negative image of his or her own body, and putting more psychological pressure on the bowel movement. Principle 4: Respond calmly to your child’s peeing. When your child pees in his or her pants, calmly and gently tell him or her, “Baby, it’s not a problem, mommy will change your pants into clean ones. Parents should not say useless nonsense, such as “baby, remember to go to the bathroom next time”, the child already knows to go to the bathroom to pee and poop, but he is unable to do so at present. Parents can’t pretend to be calm when they are so agitated. The child will read the adult’s mind and know that the parents don’t accept his state of being. Many parents have lost the instinct to accept their children when it comes to urination and defecation. They expect their children to be able to urinate and defecate “normally” and subconsciously compare their children’s ability to do so, and if the child wets his or her pants, the parents will feel that they have no face, and then they will put pressure on the child. Such parents love not their children, but their own face. Such parents are not able to accept their child’s anal period calmly. When a mother tells her daughter, “Please go to the toilet next time,” she puts pressure on the child. The daughter knows very well that she should go to the toilet to pee, but she is unable to do so, and this kind of entanglement will make the child feel helpless and distressed, thus causing the child to experience emotional changes. If your child wets her pants very frequently, you can use diapers for your child to reduce the stress your child feels about her repeated soiling of her pants. Principle 5: Do not humiliate, shame, scold or threaten the child. Adults must not say to the child, “You’re so old and you still wet your pants!” “Why don’t you know how to go to the bathroom to poop?!” “Why are you so stupid?” “Why don’t other kids pee their pants like you?” “If you pee your pants again, Mommy won’t like you anymore.” “Remember not to wet your pants next time!” …… scolding and humiliation does not change the instincts of the child’s life development, but rather makes the child develop a self-depreciating mentality and affects the construction of self-esteem in the child’s personality. Principle 6, help your child adapt to the new environment and de-stress. When a child moves, changes to a new kindergarten, has a bad parent-child relationship, has an indifferent parent-child relationship, changes to a new nanny, the mother gives birth again, or the child’s function regresses after an illness, etc., all of which may lead to the child’s urination and defecation abnormality, the parents need to examine the child’s living environment instead of focusing on the child’s urination and defecation to solve the problem. A few children are extremely reluctant to sit on the toilet. Parents can go to the mall with their children to buy their favorite children’s toilet, and put a few of their favorite toys next to the toilet, which is more effective than forcing or threatening their children to sit on the toilet. Excluding physiological diseases, the 5-year-old girl’s pants wetting and bedwetting are caused by the lack of parental care. A mother brings a child into the world, and mother’s love is the main nutrient for the child’s spiritual growth. The child will spare no effort to get the mother’s attention and love. If the only thing a child can do to attract her mother’s attention is to wet the bed, then she will continue to wet the bed. The mother has a choice, continue to love her job or love her child! Principle #7: Parents need to communicate positively with teachers. When a child shows signs of the anal period, parents need to communicate with the kindergarten teacher, and with the teacher’s cooperation, help the child get through this stage. If you can’t get the teacher to cooperate, you can let your child leave the kindergarten for a while, and then enter the kindergarten again after the anal desire period is over. Teachers should understand the phenomenon of anal desire period, allow the child to go to the bathroom freely according to their own needs, do not force the child to follow the teacher’s rules of defecation, such as must be defecated before nap time, after going to bed can not be defecated, can not be defecated in class, etc., the child’s autonomy of urination and defecation will be more conducive to the child’s smooth passage of the anal desire period. Principle eight, do not disturb the child’s study of feces. When the child is studying his or her own feces, parents can tell the child not to smear the feces everywhere. If only the child’s hands are stained with urine and feces, parents can gently tell the child that there are germs in urine and feces, and if the child doesn’t wash the urine and feces on his hands first, it will make him sick, so he can assist the child to wash it clean, and don’t reprimand his child for not practicing hygiene by using concepts such as “dirty” and “shame. Do not use concepts such as “dirty” and “shame” to reprimand your child for not practicing hygiene.