We often put “children do not listen to words” on the lips, so children do not like to listen to what kind of words? In the end how to say, the child is willing to listen to it? The child hates what kind of words “Why are you so careless, and make the water all over the floor, want to die of exhaustion mommy?” “Look, it’s all because you dawdle too much in the morning, today mom is late for work again!” Problem: Frequent accusations will make children afraid, afraid and unwilling to communicate with their parents. 1, nagging “How many times have I told you to wipe your mouth with a paper towel after eating, you just don’t listen. Look how dirty your sleeves are, why don’t you pay attention to it? Mom is already tired from working every day and has to wash your clothes, can’t you listen and be hygienic?” Problem: Repeated babbling distracts from the point. Specific requirements are not clear. Over time the child gets annoyed, while not being able to play any role at all. 2, judgment “You come here! The teacher has called me, so you can see how bad you’ve been studying lately!” The child tries to argue and the dad says “You don’t need to make excuses, do you think I don’t know that you are simply distracted when you do your homework and think about how to play every day!” Problem: The child is not given the opportunity to express what is on his mind and is judged solely on his own thoughts. This will make the child feel that dad only cares about grades and doesn’t care what happens to me. 3.Negative The child wants to share with you the diary he wrote today. You didn’t look at the specifics and realized that the writing was not neat: how do you write this word, seven twisted, the teacher will not want to read down ah! Problem: Don’t throw cold water on your child when he is willing to take the initiative to share or communicate with you. Open your mouth and say negative things about him. No one likes to communicate with people who always deny themselves, first express dissatisfaction, can only make the child feel that you are on the opposite side of him, resisting the exchange. What should we say 1, first accept the child’s emotions, and then deal with things I hated my parents when I was the most annoying behavior is that when I have a conflict with other children, they do not distinguish between indiscriminate, they will first criticize me. When I was so aggrieved that I wanted to cry, they would shout at me: no crying! Now that I think about it, the biggest problem with this type of communication is that it doesn’t accept the child’s emotions. Whether things are right or wrong, there must be a reason. When I heard the scolding “No crying”, I was not only scared, but also wanted to cry even more. “Do you want to cry for a while, or do you want to calm down and tell mommy what happened?” If you hear this, your child will at least feel that his emotions are accepted and allowed. No matter what happens, pay attention to the child’s emotions first, help the child channel his emotions, and then deal with the problem. 2, listen more to the child’s ideas Between parents and children, often the parents will have the upper hand when it comes to communication. Think about it, usually, can fully express ideas, express opinions, and even vent their emotions, are often parents. For example, a child’s teacher says that his grades have slipped recently and that he is not doing well in school. Even if the teacher says that, that’s his perspective. We should sit down with our child first and talk about it, and find out what’s been going on with him lately from a caring point of view. Parents who come home from parent-teacher conferences and want to yell at their children are, to a large extent, feeling that their children have embarrassed them. Wise parents should ask their children how they are doing. For example, “Have you encountered any difficulties in your studies recently? What can mom do to help you?” As a parent, without knowing the situation, you should at least be able to stand with your child and listen to him first. 3, describe the facts and feelings Rather than openly accusing and criticizing, you only describe the facts you see and your own feelings, in fact, the same will let the child recognize their own problems. For example, there is water on the living room floor that might make grandma slip. Mommy knows you got it by accident, so in the future, when you dirty the floor, should you wipe it up? Or, when you wipe his dirty floor, ask him to finish it together, so that he can feel what this habit will bring. After that, he changed this problem. 4, really do not know how to communicate? Then the first companion If the child always do not love to talk to you, or you want to communicate with him and do not know what to say, then the problem may be, you also have to accompany him more, a little more time together. Such as reading books together, playing games, traveling, doing housework and so on. After reading a book, talk about the contents of the book, and after playing a game, talk about the fun of the game. It is easy to draw closer to your child. Talk to your child, there are skills 1. Avoid using “I’m warning you ……” “You’d better hurry ……” “If you don’t …… I’m going to” “You’re disappointing me” and other negative emotions; 2. When communicating with your child, the more specific you are, the easier it will be for your child to answer; 3, With the help of notes, messages, or drawings, is also a good way; 4, instead of asking about food and clothing, it is better to talk about “what’s fun at school” and other topics that interest them; 5, if you can start by affirming and encouraging him, it is easier to create a good atmosphere for conversation. For example, “Mom knows you’ve always been an honest child, and I appreciate your willingness to discuss this with me”; 6. Invite him to do something together to increase the interaction with the child. This can help parents and children increase their understanding of each other. For example, “Today mom is going to make a cake for her family and needs a helper badly, would you like to do it with mom?”