Third-rate parents as nannies Most parents in China are, first and foremost, their children’s nannies. They work hard and devote their main energy to their children’s meals, nutrition, health care and other aspects of life care, to meet the child’s diet, health, clothing, toys, supplies, entertainment and other aspects of the needs of the child, these behaviors constitute a very important element of the “family education”. Under their own careful care, children are well-fed and warmly dressed, and grow up to be loving, clean and fresh, and of course, physically strong and sturdy. This is more likely to be the case if the children in the family are mainly cared for by the elderly. Generations seem to be more willing to contribute lovingly at the level of caregiving. In this way, the function of “nurturing” the child gradually becomes simply nurturing, and the function of “parenting” is weakened by the endless love and care. If parents insist on being the child’s nanny, when the child gradually grows up, parents suddenly one day found their own children and other children gap is very large, blame, criticism, accusations are very difficult to make up for this gap. So they can only think heavily: their children are “inherently” worse than others. It seems that everything is difficult to undo, difficult to remedy, can only maintain the status quo. This kind of nanny parents, always lack of long-term, systematic and comprehensive planning for the development of children. In such a family grew up in the child, if he did not get rid of his own consciousness, it is easy to mediocrity for life. Second-rate parents as coaches Second-rate parents are coaches for their children. They will use all kinds of means, at all costs, to force their children to learn all kinds of skills, so that the child will become better. Under such an educational philosophy, countless tiger moms and wolf dads have been born. The declaration of the “Chinese wolf father” is that “the child will be scolded every day, and the child will be admitted to Peking University”. He insisted on “using the most traditional and primitive ancient methods to educate their children”, the home is often equipped with rattan canes and chicken feather duster, so that children from childhood to memorize the “Three Character Classic,” “Disciple’s Rules”, not to memorize to be punched. “Wolf father” is not allowed to watch TV, not allowed to free Internet access, not allowed to open the air conditioning; he said, the child is the people, parents are the master; beating is a culture. He “put three children into the University”. Wolf father will say: “I this kind of fight may be misunderstood by everyone …… fight is only an auxiliary means. Before hitting the reasoning, how to do is right, how to do is wrong, how wrong, how to hit. In fact, it does not matter what way to teach children, the important thing is to let children accept good rules, form good habits, set good goals, which is fundamental. You can’t beat these out by hitting, but you have to do it by hitting. Hitting is just as important as reasoning.” Time will prove that this coaching style of education, while making a child appear to have gained more skills than their peers and entered a better college. However, it is easy to distort the child’s nature and make the child’s character become twisted and radicalized. Receiving such a coaching-style education, the child often has to bear great pressure, which can easily lead to mental collapse. What do first-class parents do? 1. First-class parents look at things from the child’s point of view. Once a mother took her child to the mall, she thought her child would like this lively place, but contrary to what she thought, her child was not happy in the mall, and even a little bit afraid, clamoring to go out. The mother didn’t understand how her child, who had always loved to play, could reject the beautiful and lively shopping mall. But when she squatted down and asked her child why, she realized that from her child’s point of view, she could only see a strip of human legs and some tall cabinets, which were not pleasing to the eye at all, but made people very uncomfortable, whereas with the height of adults, they could not see these. When dealing with children, parents should squat down, stand in the child’s point of view to see the world, and grasp the child’s hearing, seeing and understanding characteristics. Many parents interact with their children from an adult’s perspective, indirectly or directly arranging or even ordering their children what to do, how to play, and what to play. In fact, a child is a child, his body and mind are still growing, if you stand in the position of adults, it is difficult to understand the child’s joys and sorrows. Squat down, you can enter the child’s world, know in his height, can see what, in order to effectively communicate and exchange with the child. 2. First-class parents teach their children to manage time. Why do some children do poorly in school and some do well in school! Many parents, and even some teachers, will say that IQ is high or low, and effort is different! But many people tend to overlook the point that it is not IQ that really determines a child’s academic performance, but the child’s management of time. That’s why some people try to find ways to make up classes, stay up late, and ultimately can’t learn from some other students. Because he doesn’t have the knack of time management. 3. First-rate parents teach their children to think independently. Someone has seen such a joke: in an international school, the teacher gave students from various countries a question: “Who has thought about the problem of food shortage in other countries of the world?” The students all said “No”. African students didn’t know what “food” meant; European students didn’t know what “shortage” meant; American students didn’t know what “other countries” meant; Chinese students didn’t know what “thinking” meant. “Thinking”. This makes people laugh at the “joke”, indeed thought-provoking. In real life, some parents to all things are arranged very well thought out, never thought of what is needed for the child to consider, to think of ways to solve, to deal with. When the child encounters difficulties, the parents often do not think twice about helping the child to solve the difficulties. Slowly, when the child encounters difficulties again, he or she is not willing to think about it and counts on the help of the parents. In the long run, the children’s ability to think is stifled, not to mention the ability to solve problems. Today, we are in the “information age”, in the “knowledge explosion” era, objectively challenging everyone’s ability to think. The more capable a child is of thinking, the stronger his desire to learn, the stronger his capacity for lifelong learning, and the stronger his creativity. This ability enables him to keep up with the times and is highly sought after by society. Children have the ability to judge, thinking is an important feature of the development of thinking, we see some children often say “Mom, I do not know how to say”, “Mom, you say how to do it”, “Dad, you go do it for me! ……” When these children encounter difficulties, their instinctive idea is to ask their parents for help, to help them think, to help them make choices and judgments. For different children, parents can make use of specific problems that occur in their lives to provide opportunities for children to learn to think independently, face problems on their own, and come up with ways to solve them.