Never assume that your attitude, including expression, tone of voice and gaze, is insignificant and only kindness is enough; refusing to put effort into your expression, children can hardly accept criticism heartily. For, sometimes it is not the criticism itself that they reject, but the attitude of their parents. Are you worried about your child’s tomorrow? Are you suspecting that you have problems with your child’s education? Are you caught in a misunderstanding of your child’s education and don’t know the way back? What is the best way to educate your children? What are the most taboo things in educating children? The author and you take a look at it! The 5-year-old Xuan Xuan showed great randomness when playing the piano. The correct fingering, hand shape and requirements taught by the teacher did not leave the slightest trace in her mind, as if she had never learned. Her mother looked at her and was anxious, reminding her over and over again and demonstrating herself, but Xuan Xuan displayed an uncooperative attitude, twisting and turning on the piano bench, drinking water and going to the toilet later, and then yelling that she was tired and needed a break within two minutes. Wrong criticism: The anger inside finally broke through the bottom line of patience, and mom slapped Xuan Xuan’s hand, which turned red – persuasive education escalated into forceful punishment. The scars left: fundamentally, forceful punishment cannot solve any problem, but only intensifies the conflict between the two sides, making it possible to continue learning midway; under the fist of the parents, the child’s self-esteem is also beaten to the ground, prone to the formation of a broken mentality, and even both to all the criticism of the knife, that is really a lose-lose situation. Another direct consequence is that the way you treat your child is the way your child will treat you and those around him – imitation of violence is easy. Because of the bad example of the parents, the first reaction of the child’s mind is to “strike first” when faced with a conflict between him or herself and a child on their own. Expert advice: It is the parents’ fault if they escalate criticism into a “war”. Young children have not yet formed a self-evaluation system, they see themselves through the evaluation of adults, especially parents. Moreover, their vulnerable hearts want to be affirmed by their parents, which gives them confidence and makes them accept criticism happily. The art of criticism lies in positive reinforcement, not negative reinforcement. Instead of reinforcing your child’s weaknesses or denying them all, you should look at your child’s achievements and good points, take them to heart, hang on to them, reinforce their good points and give them the necessary pointers so that they can see their potential and boost their confidence. Therefore, the mother should use the “praise-criticism” method at this time, to find the child’s little strengths, first praise and then criticize: “Your left hand shape is more beautiful than the right hand, the left hand three fingers than two fingers look good, this time the strength and weakness feel good mastery”, and then make a request Can your right hand be as beautiful as your left hand, can your second finger hook back a bit, and would be better if you slowed down a bit more. Come on, let’s give it a try. I think Xuan Xuan will be fine!” Children need to discover their own gaps in comparison and tangible praise. If parents affirm a little of their child’s achievement, she will have the confidence to correct her other mistakes; on the contrary, if parents take a rude approach to one of their child’s mistakes, she is likely to be in no mood to keep her other strengths. Taboo two: shouting – out-of-control emotions are difficult to give children the right guidance Tao Tao every day turned the house upside down: toys scattered all over the place, brushes, drawing paper spread all over the table, the bed is also piled with his various knick-knacks, his favorite books also nine times out of ten to want to read when they do not know where to go. Many times reminded still did not make Tao Tao have any improvement. Mistake criticism: The mess in the house ignited the anger of the mother: “How many times have I told you, from where to bring things to play and put back where. You just do not remember, you do not receive, see I throw them all away!” Said pretending to throw the child’s most beloved toys, followed by a storm of shouting. The scars left behind: Not the higher your voice is, the more immediate the effect, the tone and the result are often inversely proportional; and shouting makes the child not feel the slightest sense of dignity, but also your cultivation roar without a trace. If both adults and children lose their temper, criticism is likely to escalate into crying and scolding, and the effect of education is offset to zero. And the child will soon learn that the mother’s mouth says “throw away”, but the hands do not really “throw away”, the mother’s prestige is lost. Expert advice: Never assume that your attitude, including expression, tone of voice and gaze, is insignificant and that kindness is enough; it is difficult for children to accept criticism convincingly if you do not put thought into the way you express it. Because, sometimes what they refuse is not the criticism itself, but the parents’ attitude. Criticizing children calmly will help maintain a good parent-child relationship and also achieve the purpose of criticism. So, it’s best to manage your temper and put your anger to rest. Putting away one’s things can be a difficult habit for children to develop, and parents should be patient with their children. Start by tidying up with your child and encourage him/her if he/she can put away one thing. Children are motivated by their parents’ affirmation and will slowly learn to organize their belongings independently. Min Min has a big box of small beads of various shapes, which are beautiful on a necklace; but when she sees other children with a few transparent Go pieces acting as “night pearls”, she cries out for them, and when the other party doesn’t give them, she puts them in a box. When she didn’t give them, she threw the small bottle containing the “night pearls” to the ground …… Wrong criticism: Minmin’s actions made her mother feel humiliated: “How many times have I told you, why don’t you understand? You can’t always look at other people’s things, and you still have a lot of toys at home? Throw your own things aside not to play, once you see others to take something like a treasure, really no good …… next time again, I will never buy you any toys!” The scars left behind: Such rambling, lack of fresh criticism, can not give the child’s brain to obvious stimulation, the more said, the more the child will take these words as a deaf ear. Moreover, do not look at the child is small, the ability to comprehend language is not bad, “no good”, “possessive” a class of words that do not respect the child’s personality is easy to cause their internal revulsion, explicitly or implicitly and you against, the body of the problem is likely to increase unabated. Expert advice: beautiful and new things for children is a kind of temptation, resist temptation is actually a very difficult thing. So, parents may want to tell their children: she likes what she does not have is not wrong, but other people’s things we can not want, let alone grab or destroy. Then tell the child clearly: the world’s good things are too many to count, we can not have them all; if you especially want, you have to fight with their own efforts, for example, if the other party is willing, you can use their beautiful beads and children in exchange.