A foreigner said that the words of Chinese people greeting each other reveal the truth of human life: Where do we come from? Where are you going? Have you eaten? What are you doing? What is life? How should a person live? Everyone’s thinking and answers are certainly different, there is a saying that health is the first, like 1 in the number, behind the career, money, status, house, car are 0, without the 1 in front of the back of the number of 0 are false, this saying is vivid and true, it emphasizes the importance of health. Let’s take a look at the words of Dr. Yu Juan, a young female teacher at Fudan University in Shanghai who suffered from breast cancer and fought against the disease for a year before her death. Yu Juan: At the critical point of life and death At the critical point of life and death, you will realize that any overtime work, too much pressure on yourself, the need to buy a house or a car, all these are just floating clouds, if you have time, stay with your children, buy a pair of shoes for your parents with the money you spent on the car, don’t try desperately to change to a big house, with the one you love, the snail’s nest is also warm. Yu Juan: All the Horses are Floating Clouds At the end and beginning of every year, I always give myself half a day to silence myself in the study, light up the lamp like beans, and let the tide of thoughts like water, rolled back and forth. A year always need to face a self-reflection, think about the gains and losses. In addition to this year. 2010 was a year in which I accomplished nothing, but it was a year in which I accomplished the most. I don’t intend to write a yearly summary of the past and the future as I did in previous years, but rather to write about this particularly meaningful year in its entirety. Although remembering the year can be painful at times, I am determined to do this meaningful thing. Few people will get cancer when they are in the prime of life, even fewer people will find out that the cancer has metastasized to the whole body and the bones of the torso are blackened, and there are not many people left who can survive this critical and terminal disease, and the few people who are surviving will hardly be able to have the sentiment to “write my heart with my hands”. So I think I wrote these words will be the only copy. “In fact, I write these, just want to tell everyone: even the biggest pain, will pass. Whether it’s a lost love, a failed career, a broken marriage, or even a terminal illness, it’s all just clouds. I’m not a big fan of Nietzsche, but I do like his line, “Whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger in the end”. We are surrounded by too many such examples, half a month ago a business friend died, only 45 years old, a year and a half ago on the ninth day of the first month, he called me to say that the lower back pain, sometimes have to the right side of the lower limbs of the radiation. I was in the field, for him I know very well, once because of boxing shoulder dislocation late at night to find me reset, career is also smooth sailing, people are also very righteous, quite a lot of friends, we often get together, the character of a quite dashing a person. That’s it, I received his call first judgment may be lumbar disc herniation, told him to go to do a CT, and so I go back to the next treatment on the line. The next day at noon, our mutual friend asked me to have lunch with him, and just after we met, he said to me, “I won’t live long,” with tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and another friend told me that he had lung cancer, which had metastasized to his lumbar vertebrae, and the back pain was a manifestation of the metastasized cancer. Both of us are doctors and understand very well what such a condition means. For more than a year after that, he underwent a very Chinese conventional treatment, going through the process of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, recuperation, and then chemotherapy, radiotherapy and recuperation. Those days were spent mostly in the hospital. I went to see him once at the earliest, his yellow dry hair was sparse, and his head was already a bit deformed, presenting the appearance of a “ghost” in the Liaozhai storybook, completely missing the original healthy and elegant demeanor. I heart of sadness in the bottom of my heart, or mouth to encourage him that there will always be a miracle. Since then, I never dared to see him again, and the feeling of “separation” and “death” was too hard to bear. Some time ago, his friends talked about him, some have seen him said he lost only eighty or ninety pounds, the original him more than one hundred and sixty pounds. Just talked to a mutual friend on the phone and said that he has been gone for half a month. That’s a whole 17 months of struggling. The early years of youth and ignorance, in addition to the late stage of dementia, really their own can dominate, can say very few days, more days are spent in helplessness. So how to spend these limited decades really deserves some thought. As I said earlier, health is the first, then with health but also the pursuit of more career, money, power, house, car, with these your life will be more exciting, the number of your life with the front 1, and more 0, the number is bigger. The two words “life” can be viewed separately: “life” is “survival”, only if your life is as long as possible, and you survive for a long time, the number of your life can be big. Similarly, “live” is to live out the quality of life, as much as possible to realize the value of their own lives, more for the community and their families to make contributions to the combination of the two to have a good “life”, but also to have a more exciting life. What we can do is not for these two words more beautiful and hard work? When a person’s coffin when the evaluation of the standard is also these two words! Thousands of years of Chinese culture is not also reflected here? Live with quality, but short life expectancy is left with regret; the same life expectancy is long enough, but no quality, the meaning of life is not great. A friend of mine’s husband, a very good surgeon, has been the leader of a prefecture-level hospital, only 46 years old, found stomach cancer, their family are doctors, according to what do not understand ah! When the routine chemotherapy after the operation, he felt about the chemotherapy he received was this playful: “How come the Japs didn’t invent this way to torture communists back then?” The flavor of it was so palpable that he later jumped to his death. This can be said to illustrate the meaning of chemotherapy with a doctor’s personal feelings and realistic actions. Suicide was the last choice he made when he realized that the rest of his life had no hope and no quality! He no longer gave his own life “minus points”! A vice-provincial leader was less than 50 years old when she had terminal liver cancer. She knew that her days were numbered, and when the leader came to visit her, she said excitedly, “Leader, I don’t want to go!” The leader went on to say, “We don’t want you to go either!” What a meaningful conversation! The Fragility of Life A 60-year-old cousin’s liver cancer was in the advanced stage, the cancer had ruptured, causing bloody ascites, and his abdomen was so distended that he could no longer eat. Thousands of dollars of interventional surgery can temporarily control the bleeding, followed by other bleeding points, the liver has been eroded by the cancer. Over the phone, my aunt, who had mixed feelings, began to hesitate, doubting the actual significance of the several thousand dollars, and asked me what to do. I said that the disease had reached an advanced stage, and whether to continue the treatment, you and your cousin should discuss to decide. Little cousin aunt is a very gentle people, do a handful of good food, although illiterate, but reasonable, and little cousin uncle married thirty-five years, the two together, almost no red face. She has done her best since her brother-in-law was diagnosed with liver cancer last fall, and she has been tossed around a lot. As a doctor, I know that my brother-in-law’s condition is terminal and there is no way back. I asked my aunt if my brother-in-law was conscious. My aunt said he was conscious and wanted his cousin, my mother, to visit him. Since the onset of the little cousin has been in a coma more than ten times, I really hope that at this time the little cousin is confused, because this time awake is more a kind of too much helpless pain! All efforts seem to be of no avail! A week ago just attended the aunt’s funeral, she was also hospitalized for more than half a year, after all, she is 74 years old, but the little cousin uncle is only 60 years old, ah, before the onset of the disease has been operating his vegetable shed. As a doctor, I knew that I would have to attend three more funerals this year, and it was only a matter of time before the illnesses of three of my friends and family members were terminal! Suddenly I was reminded of the saying: sit in line, share the fruit; in life it’s in order, but on the road to death there’s always someone jumping the queue. With regard to death, the medical science is very clear: cardiac arrest and failure to resuscitate is death, the end of life. For me in my prime, death is still far away, but as a doctor I cannot help thinking about it a lot, a lot! My earliest understanding of death came from my mother’s grandmother’s funeral when I was a child. With the thud of the coffin lid being nailed down, the family broke down into tears, and my old grandma, who often recognized me as a cousin, died at the age of, like, 96. When I was in my senior year of high school, my grandmother died, and from then on, my grandfather stopped getting up, and sailed away when my grandmother was 100 days old. (Figure 1-04) In the Spring Festival of 1995, I went home to visit my 93-year-old grandma, and as a “leftover man”, I was ashamed that I hadn’t brought my grandma back a new daughter-in-law, and my grandma asked me, “Son, why don’t you get married yet?” I teased my grandma, saying, “No one in our poor family wants to be with us.” I didn’t expect my grandma to tease me even more: “Hmph! Don’t think I don’t know, you guys are now living together, but you’re not getting married.” This comment made us laugh. At the end of the year has been 94 years old usually quite strong body grandpa suddenly feel sick, lying down three days after his death, grandma did not have too much sadness, clearly told her children “you framed shoes (our hometown elders died during the mourning period relatives should be sewn on the shoes of the white cloth to show their grief) to keep do not throw away ah! Don’t throw them away! I’ll wear them when I die. I’ll live half a year longer than your father did!” As expected, the grandmother really died of no disease six months later, and finally did not see her beloved grandson marry a daughter-in-law. But their attitude toward death was the natural order of things, the feeling of running out of gas, without much loss or despondency! In my hometown, it was customary to visit the graves of the deceased after marriage to say, “I’ve got a daughter-in-law”. When I knelt at my grandma and grandpa’s grave and burned incense and paper, the wind kept blowing the unburned paper ash to the grave, as if telling them over and over again the happy news of their beloved grandson’s marriage! After I went to college to study medicine, I didn’t have much understanding of death. When I was interned, I followed my teacher to work in the night shift of the emergency room, and met an old man in his 80s who died of illness, and I did extracardiac massage under the teacher’s direction, and the electrocardiogram kept pulling a straight line, and finally declared the death to the family, which was the first time that I had ever been faced with death at a close distance. After work, a colleague’s father suffered a cerebral hemorrhage late at night collapsed in the dormitory bathroom, heard his jet vomiting sound, professional sensitivity tells us that this is a cerebral hemorrhage intracranial hypertension manifestations, we rushed to carry him to the emergency room two hundred meters away to send, running to half the distance, usually very good physical strength, I feel extremely tired, a bit of physical exertion close to the limit of the feeling that I stopped to catch my breath, colleagues! To carry for me, I look at their physical fitness is not as good as me, then gritted their teeth and insisted on carrying to the emergency room, put the patient on the resuscitation bed, connected to the electrocardiogram, watching the electrocardiogram jumped ten or so draw a straight line, and then the extracardiac massage, resuscitation are all virtually null and void. Before and after only ten minutes of time, this time I felt what is “dead heavy dead heavy”. After the Spring Festival this year, I received a call from my cousin, telling me that my grandma fell asleep at 9:00 p.m. on New Year’s Eve and could not be woken up at 11:00 p.m. She passed away at the age of 95. She had passed away at the age of 95, and I was so saddened that my eyes became wet! This grandma is my mother’s cousin’s aunt, that is, my grandfather’s cousin’s daughter-in-law, the relationship is a bit far, but I came to the provincial capital to go to school, work for twenty-five years, she is my nearest relatives in the provincial capital, this grandma is amiable, has a hobby like me is to watch soccer, is our Luneng soccer team hardcore fans, chatting about soccer her expression is very cute, glowing. I went to visit my grandma after Su Maozhen’s retirement, and I deliberately asked her what she thought about Su Maozhen’s retirement, and my 90-year-old grandma actually analyzed the reasons for Su Maozhen’s retirement and several ways out, and also argued the pros and cons of these ways out, which were clear and well organized. She also said that she just like to watch soccer, Luneng team lost the game heart is not a taste, eating is not good. When it comes to this time her wrinkled cheeks actually have a scarlet, but also some shyness, as if they should not do so. What a lovely old man! This shot has been engraved in the mind. (Figure 1-05) Last year, in the middle of the month of Lunar New Year, her lower limbs swollen because of heart failure, my lover and I took the children to visit her, brought her some of our hometown souvenirs, she was very happy to see us, sitting on the bed, the first action is to take the comb comb combing her hair with fear and trepidation, and her mouth also said, “Look at me this way, look at me this way!” At that moment, I felt the beauty and dignity of life, 95 years old, and when we left the house, she kept saying “Thank you! Thank you!” Grandma believed in Christ, and before she died, she asked that she would not burn incense or kowtow after her death. The pastor came to her home and read the Bible to her, and several sisters sang hymns for her, and she went to heaven so peacefully. When she was swollen in her lower limbs before her death, it was obviously a sign of heart failure, and she also used a little diuretic medicine. As a doctor, I couldn’t help but think: was she a patient? She was not a patient at all! She is the life towards failure ah! She was in the last years of a life that was too good to be true! At 95 years and one month old, that’s what the Nei Jing says, “the end of the days”! From my grandma’s point of view, death is not scary, maybe it’s just a soccer game in heaven. I hope there are no fake whistles in heaven, and the game is not a fake one! Speaking of which, thanks to my grandmother’s death, if she had known the fact that a group of people from the Football Association led the coaches, referees and players to play fake soccer, she might have been half dead from anger! At the same time, I really want to ask those who are serving prison sentences for playing, blowing and doing fake soccer: what has money brought you? Is it happiness, or is it the basis for the judge to sentence you?