Reasons for low self-esteem 1. People who disapprove. How can you grow up to be a positive adult if you grow up hearing that whatever you do is not perfect? If you’ve been blamed too much, it’s hard to feel confident or comfortable with yourself in the future, no matter what you do or how hard you try. The kind of shame that forces you to constantly fail will make you feel the pain of darkness. 2. Uninvolved/premature caregivers. When your parents or other initial caregivers don’t care about you, it’s hard to be motivated to ask for more, to strive for more, or to think that you deserve more – like your big accomplishments don’t even deserve to be noticed. This generally leads to feelings of being ignored, unknown and unimportant. 3. People are fighting. When your parents or other caregivers argue or don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt, children absorb the negativity and the environment of mistrust that adults create. It’s scary, overwhelming and disorganizing.