The jewel in the crown? Little emperor? These terms, once used to describe our generation, seem a bit outdated when used to describe our children. However, it is our self-proclaimed more democratic approach to raising our children and the loving care of grandparents who cherish them more than their own that has made our children increasingly the center of the family. And if our children are labeled as “ADHD”, the expectation of our children may be converted into a kind of “anxiety”, making us pay more attention to the VIP in the family, did he not finish his homework again today? Did he not finish his homework again? Or was he named by the teacher again? Tao Tao’s story Tao Tao is the VIP of the family, father, mother, grandfather, grandmother four people all day is around him constantly. Tao Tao is always inattentive in class, small movements especially a lot, high and low academic performance, homework procrastination, sometimes can also forget the teacher assigned homework. Once, the teacher in the home visit on the suspicion that Tao Tao has hyperactivity, which can be anxious the whole family. So in order to Tao Tao to be able to focus on learning, and take care of his food, clothing and living, the mother quit her job to become a full-time wife. But sometimes when she wants to discipline Tao Tao, grandparents are the first to come out to block, can not bear the child was beaten. In the third grade, Tao Tao has become a teacher’s eyes “problem child”, dependent, also do not listen to mom and dad, but also use the conflict between mom and grandma to exploit, temper is also getting worse. His behavior problems gave teachers and parents a headache, and then he was brought to the Child Psychology Clinic of Changzhou First Hospital. After detailed questioning and examination, we found that Tao Tao’s IQ was not low and even exceeded the normal child development level, but when completing attention tests, he not only tended to wander off, but also lacked patience and sometimes could not control himself and reacted impulsively. It was diagnosed that Tao was indeed suffering from ADHD and that the lack of standardized education and behavior management in the family had led to mild impairment in his emotional control and other areas. Reflection on Family Education Approach After standardized treatment and family education for Tao, we could not help but reflect on what caused Tao’s behavior problems. There is no denying that ADHD has many genetic factors, but more often than not, it is influenced by the environment. Thus, as parents, we have an inescapable responsibility. Most parents may overemphasize the importance of the child in the family and neglect his or her own initiative in daily life. For example, many parents help their children to tie their shoes and organize their school bags when they go out in the morning. Some parents think that this can save time or avoid the trouble caused by children dropping things, but this inadvertently deprives children of an opportunity to be responsible for their own behavior. A child’s sense of autonomy actually begins to sprout as early as 1 year old, but because we have been caring for our children since they were young, we have done this and that for them time and time again. So when they grow up, we find that they have poor self-management skills, little autonomy and infantile behavior, and then it takes a lot of effort to correct them. The latest educational and medical theories suggest that independence should be nurtured from an early age – the child is first and foremost the CEO of his own life, and he is responsible for what he does. Fostering good behavior in children through parental rewards and punishments is the core of home education. How to cultivate your child’s independence Many parents feel that cultivating their child’s independence is a great challenge for them. After all, it’s much easier for us to be on their side – to meet their needs, to protect them from danger, to nurture them physically and psychologically. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with showing love to children. Unfortunately, such a “holistic” approach to children often leads to negative results. ”Let them do it themselves!” The best way to teach children responsibility and independence in their early years is to let them do it on their own. In fact, as soon as children are born, they can imitate your words and actions. Many young children will try things that adults do because they are born with the ability to meet challenges. The best way to develop independence is to build autonomy. When tasks are done independently, children have develop a high level of self-esteem. When children are able to make their own decisions, they feel “great!” From a psychological perspective, pride in oneself is one of the strongest incentives. So, how do you gradually develop your child’s independence? Here are some practical methods that parents can refer to. 1. Establish rules The first step in developing independence is to let children be in charge of their toys and rooms by themselves. Parents should always remind them to put their toys back after the game. Parents can prepare several organizing boxes for their children to sort and place their toys. 2, rearrange the home Our home furnishings are often arranged from the point of view of their own convenience, while ignoring the presence of children. In order to cultivate children’s independence, we must face up to the fact that children are also an important family member. We should rearrange our homes, such as putting the trash can and laundry basket where our children can easily reach them, putting their clothes in lower drawers, and encouraging them to choose the clothes they want to wear. 3. Anticipate possible messes Many parents have experienced that when your child is eating on his or her own, he or she often makes a mess on the table and clothes. If you force your child to be hygienic and tidy, then your child will never learn to eat on his or her own. The right thing to do is to give your child some space and proper utensils so that they will have an easier time eating and the resulting mess will be easier to clean up. 4. Let your child do the chores Let your child do some of the chores they can do. If your child is interested when you do the laundry, give them something small like a handkerchief or socks and let them try it. While you are folding clothes, you can likewise give them some socks, shorts, etc. so that they can learn to sort and organize them. 5. Learn from experience Give your child the opportunity to decide things for themselves and accept the results that come with it. For example, if your child organizes his or her own school bag and goes to school, but drops the language book at home. At this point, it would be pointless for you to rush the book to school. Your child must take responsibility for his own actions, and he will only gain something when he experiences the consequences that result from his own mistakes. However, you can instead help your child make a plan so that he or she doesn’t forget things. 6. Speak slower and with a more affirmative tone When you give your child a task, always remember to speak slowly to your child and have him do it step by step. For example, ask your child to tie his shoes. If your child ties a dead knot, then tell him that this is not right, and then let him think about why he can’t tie the knot, and you can even let him untie that dead knot. Parents should gradually guide your child to solve the problem. In short, let your child feel responsible and let him know that he is important and that mom and dad trust him. We want kids to learn to be confident in completing tasks. And don’t be in a hurry to criticize him once he does something wrong. Kids will always make mistakes, and we don’t learn to drive, type, or surf the Internet all at once, so give them more time and preparation. One of the hardest things about developing independence in children is also that we parents can easily lose our patience – after all, it takes many, many hours to get a child to do something, and sometimes it makes a mess. Many parents get frustrated and “take over”, not realizing that this is the greatest way to kill a child’s independence. We must allow our children to experience success and failure, not only as a sign of respect, but also as a sign of responsibility for their future.