“In every moment, when you see a child, you see yourself, and when you educate a child, you educate yourself and test your own character.” –The great educator Sukhomlinsky One day, a friend who is a university teacher talked to me about his third-grade child, both husband and wife are PhDs, and the friend’s wife is also a “sea turtle”, but his son’s grades are the bottom of the class, and he asked me why. He asked me why, and I told him that your wife was too capable. He thought it was a joke and thought I was referring to his wife’s busy career, so he said, “No, my wife accompanies him to do his homework every day, but in less than five minutes each time, she gets angry and yells at the child, “How can you be so stupid? I said, “Look, the problem is that the child is so stupid. I said, “Look, here’s the problem, your son’s mother is too smart, how can he be smarter than his mother at such a young age? I don’t know if you’ve paid attention to the biographies of many celebrities how to describe their mothers: mother gentle, virtuous, understanding, she has always been quietly for the child dedication without complaint, the mother is strong, kind, opinionated, as if nothing can be difficult to defeat the mother’s …… These words are not very familiar? It is this kind of mother who may have raised such an outstanding child. Because children have an instinctive dependence on their mothers at a young age, their mother’s character, words and behavior can affect their children for the rest of their lives. How can a child’s character and habits not develop in the opposite direction of the mother’s character and inherit her strengths? The best way is for the mother to be a mother in the true sense of the word, by restraining herself in front of her child. Mother in front of the child, not in front of the negotiation table, do not need to criticize, critical and demand perfection to look at the child, the mother’s aggressive attitude, harsh language, driving all the behavior and self-righteous judgment, the child’s self-esteem, self-confidence, the damage is far greater than the test education. And for the child, from the moment he is born, the child’s demands on the role of mother are almost constant. 1, before entering the door, forget their own unpleasant mom in the door before entering the home, be sure to remind yourself: forget all the unpleasant things in the unit, and now begin to take on the role of a mother. Children need their mothers to be happy, never transfer the bad feelings that have nothing to do with the child to the child, because the child is innocent. 2, the child’s small honor When the child is excited to tell his mother that he won a five-pointed star or a small red flower at school today, do not show boredom or disdain, must be as happy as his son to praise him. The most appropriate way is to say can I let my mother see, to share the joy with him, because this honor is very important to the child. 3, “ignorant” mother when the child to ask his mother, “how to pronounce this word,” and other such questions, it is best for the mother not to answer him immediately, the worst answer is “how do you even do not know this word! The worst answer is “Why don’t you even know this word? The best thing for the mother to do is to take a look at it and say, “Oops, I don’t know it either, let’s look it up in the dictionary together, okay? After a few times, the mother will teach the child to use the dictionary, and at the same time, the child will feel a sense of accomplishment after checking the dictionary to recognize the word, and after many times, the child will develop the habit of checking the information without relying on the mother. When the child comes to ask the mother questions, the mother must not behave as in the unit so smart and capable, pretend “ignorance” is not a good way to encourage the child to use their brains to rely on their own strength to figure out the problem, or the mother and the child can look up the books together or with the help of the Internet. Mom can not be like “bamboo tube pour beans” as the answer to all out, while saying that the side of the self-congratulation, which is not good for the child’s growth, after a few times, the child will avoid asking the mother to become very low self-esteem. 4, calm, then calm When the child told his mother did not do well in today’s exams, the mother must restrain their emotions, can not be angry or gloomy face, the child is nervously observing the mother’s face it. Therefore, it is better for the mother to show no emotional changes, let the child take out the paper, and analyze with the child what is wrong. If the child already understands what is wrong, the mother does not have to dwell on it. But in the end, she has to encourage him: Look, if you figure it out, you won’t get it wrong in the next exam. Mom if you feel that they can not control their emotions to go to the bathroom to wash your face, look in the mirror, do a few deep whistle. 5, I have also been a coward When the child before the test or do what is more important things before showing timidity, the mother must not be dismissive or reprimanded him for being timid or show more nervous than he is, which will aggravate the child’s psychological pressure, resulting in the child can not be normal play. At this time, the mother had better be very relaxed and say to the child, no matter how you do, mom and dad in like you so big time is not as good as you it, do not worry. At this point, the child will be very confident and he will play better than usual. If the child to participate in important activities the next day, when the mother observed that the child is preoccupied with more nervous, the mother is best in the child’s bedside that night to accompany him to sleep, before going to bed with him to tell him a story or with him to read his favorite books, ease his inner pressure until the child fell asleep and then left. 6, in the face of failure, let’s be strong when the child suffered a failure or setback, the mother to show strong and never give up, calmly tell the child that failure only represents a moment, does not mean that the child lifelong failure. Don’t child has not thought to give up when the mother first showed little hope. The worst thing is to use mean language to dig at him, the child counted down to nothing, and even new accounts together with the old accounts. Such a mother under the education of the child will be extremely low self-esteem, and even give up their own should be a good future. 7, “you must ……”, “you should ……” mom do not in the child has not expressed what you want to say clearly, it is self-righteous When the child has not yet expressed what he wants to say clearly, he thinks he is the first to express his own point of view, regardless of whether the child is willing to do so, he will take the tone of “you must ……”, “you should ……” order the child. The mother must not become a “dictator”, and she must not be a “dictator”. Mothers must not become synonymous with “authoritarianism”. Children who grow up in such a situation lack initiative and the ability to judge what is right and what is wrong. Mom and the child should establish a relationship of equality (equality is not unprincipled), know how to respect each other. 8, the harm comes from the closest people Mom in front of the child to control their own way of speaking. The world’s most understanding of the child is the mother, so the mother is most aware of the child’s weaknesses in what place, if the mother in the speech often point to the child’s weaknesses to irony, criticism or blackmail, or know that the child can not do and deliberately require the child to do, this is undoubtedly the sharpest weapon in the child’s pain in the constant stabbing. The child’s heart will be very hurt, because this injury comes from his closest people. 9, “short language + silence” > nagging Mom should control the amount of language in front of the child. Do not nag, in fact, the most frightening thing for the child is the mother’s silence, so, instead of nagging the child to talk endlessly, it is better to tell the child in short words what he has done wrong or what he should pay attention to, and then, the mother’s silence is certainly more useful than continuing to talk, don’t think that the child doesn’t understand, although he pretends to act like it doesn’t matter, but in fact, it’s observing the mother whether she takes the things she said seriously. He may act as if he doesn’t care, but he is actually watching to see if she takes what she says seriously. In short, a mother is a mother at home, not a professional woman. A mother should take good care of her child’s life, pay attention to the ups and downs of the child’s heart, care about the child’s every move, take care of the child’s childish emotions, and cultivate the child’s character. If you want your child to surpass you in the future, then, even if you are a capable mother, you must show “ignorance”, “stupidity”, “slowness” and “slowness” in front of your child. “a little bit, show a little bit” and “gentle rain”, in this way, the child will have a sense of fulfillment that he is more than his mother “knowledge”, “smart” In this way, the child will feel very accomplished that he is more “knowledgeable”, “intelligent” and “quicker” than his mother, and he will feel that he is surpassing her every day, until one day, he really surpasses her.