Q: What should I do if my 6-year-old child is prone to tantrums and cannot accept different opinions? (Behavior 6 years old)
Guo Yanqing: There are different possibilities for children who are prone to tantrums. If a child often makes requests to the family through situations such as tantrums or crying, and the family may agree, the child may have formed the impression of being prone to tantrums. I’m not sure what the specific situation is, whether the child is prone to tantrums because you give her demands or her wishes are not met, such as asking her to do her homework or do other things, whether the parent dominates her or the child in turn asks you for something that is not met. Different problem situations require different educational strategies. If a parent asks her to do something and she can’t do it or she doesn’t comply, when dealing with such a problem, we should use firm actions to assist her in completing what we ask of her, and use as few words as possible in the process, don’t use words to instruct, criticize or educate her, just assist her in getting the job done. For example, if we want her to turn off the TV and do her homework, she may not listen to us, so don’t use too many words to criticize and so on, but go straight over and turn off the TV, and then assist her to sit at the desk and open her homework book, if she also cries or throws a tantrum or even scolds at this time, just ignore it and help her to finish what we ask of her. If a child makes a request to an adult, say, for something for her, we should stick to our principles if we don’t think it’s appropriate to satisfy her at the moment, no matter how big her tantrum gets. The most taboo thing is to deny her when she asks you for something, and to satisfy her when she throws a tantrum or a big tantrum in order to eliminate this embarrassment. This way the child’s tantrum behavior will be reinforced and you will get the impression that the child is prone to tantrums. Zheng Yingjun, Psychiatry Department, Guangzhou Brain Hospital
Questioner: My child loves to play with the computer, but he won’t listen to me even if I correct him. What methods can I use to guide him to use the computer correctly? (Behavioral habits)
Guo Yanqing: Regarding this question, I think the current situation is a result of our past interaction with our children. For example, at the beginning, when we asked him to turn off the computer and do something else, it was not very difficult. However, in the process, the child may bargain for example, “Give me two more minutes and I will turn off the computer”, and the parents may allow him to do so, when in fact we require him to turn off the computer on time and he should be ready two minutes earlier. If we do not adhere to such a principle, the child will be used to bargaining in this matter, and over time, may even bargain in an extreme way by throwing tantrums, dropping things or threatening. Your feeling would be that your child’s poor self-control is in fact the result of our long-term mismanagement behavior.
Q: My baby just started a small class and I heard from their teacher that he is always biting other toddlers’ faces when they did not provoke him and it is not the same person he is biting. What kind of behavior is this and how can I solve it? (Behavior 3 years old)
Guo Yanqing: This is a difficult question to answer because I need to understand the context, such as the circumstances in which the child is biting other children, whether the child is biting someone he likes, or whether the child is provoking him, or provoking him, or whether the child is always biting the same person, or whether the child is biting all children, and how the child reacts to the bite. How did the teacher react? If we want to change the child’s behavior, we must first review these questions, that is, analyze the child’s biting behavior, and then deal with it in a targeted manner. But before we analyze these behaviors, we first need to make sure that other children are not hurt, that is, to stop the child’s biting behavior in a timely manner, to stop it with behavior, and not to give him too much verbal attention and other attention immediately following the behavior.
Q: My child is 5 years old and usually very obedient, but this time he is particularly disruptive and does not listen to me even when I say so. (Behavior 5 years old)
Guo Yanqing: I don’t think we should criticize or educate children of this age too much on principle, but rather encourage their self-assertion from a relatively appreciative perspective. If we become this way, the child will be closer to us, not rebellious. Of course, if our children do anything to destroy things or attack others or hurt themselves, we must firmly stop them.
Q: How to control children’s emotions? How to give emotional counseling lessons to children? (Emotional intelligence development)
Guo Yanqing: These two questions are somewhat related and involve self-management and artificial management of children’s emotions. There are many ways and strategies to help children learn to manage and control their emotions, for example, through role-playing (playing some conflicts) or storytelling, or through pictures and animations, so that they can recognize the variety of human emotions. For example, through role-playing (playing some conflicts) or storytelling, or through pictures and animations, the child can learn about the various emotional changes and the situations in which they occur and what to do in such situations, so that the child can implicitly learn about his own emotions and how to cope with them.
Q: My child is about to start elementary school and neither the child nor the parents can adjust to the change at once. (School Readiness 6 years old)
Guo Yanqing: This is a very good question. Generally, children who pass the kindergarten stage can adapt to elementary school life smoothly, but this adaptation is not always smooth. Because elementary school education places more emphasis on discipline and knowledge learning, some children may not be able to adapt for a while compared to the relaxed environment and caring background of kindergarten. At this time, teachers and parents need to strengthen communication, adopt a gentle and tolerant approach to your child’s learning and his performance in class as much as possible, and reinforce his appropriate behavior with more encouragement rather than just using the system to restrict and restrain your child.
Q: What happened to the 3-year-old who bit other children in kindergarten and also happened to bite at home with children? (Behavior 3 years old)
Guo Yanqing: If this is the case, it may no longer be a general behavior problem. It is recommended to do a professional consultation and then give a management measure and approach after a professional analysis. Before that, we must first ensure that other children are not injured, that is, to stop the child’s biting behavior in a timely manner, using behavior to stop it, and not to give him too much verbal attention and other concerns immediately following this behavior.
Q: My son is 5 years old and is not interested in anything, so forcing him to study all day is not a solution. (Family** Education 5 years old) Detailed description: My son is 5 years old, I found that he is not interested in anything, and he can only watch cartoons for 10 minutes, and then he moves after a while. But forcing him to study all day is not a solution, I am very distressed, I do not know what to do?
Guo Yanqing: For children 5 years old and younger, we do not advocate learning through knowledge, but rather learning through play. Instead of forcing him to learn, why not go to the bookstore and find a book on parent-child play and learn some strategies to get along with your child happily?
Q: Where can we go for professional counseling when our child has problem behaviors? Can you provide a place to consult online? (Mental Health)
Guo Yanqing: I recommend going to Peking University Hospital No. 6. I am not aware of any online resources for this issue. However, in my clinical experience, this is something that may require a face-to-face consultation to have a better outcome. Even a phone consultation may not be able to get the detailed necessary information. So I would recommend a professional face-to-face consultation.
Q: My child is 6 years old and he always cries. He cries when I tell him to write numbers or when he doesn’t like to listen to words. (Behavior 6 years old)
Guo Yanqing: You have asked a very specific and good question. This child’s problem behavior is crying and fussing, and it occurs in a situation where he is being asked to learn something. Your mention of crying suggests that such behavior may have occurred more than once. First, I would suggest that you systematically review how you ended up every time you made a similar request and when he had such problem behavior. I don’t have more information about the past, but judging from experience, these behaviors of your child should have delayed or terminated your request for him. Secondly, if this does happen, I would suggest that you can meet the child’s refusal to comply with your request without any problematic behavior; if it is with problematic behavior, then you need to take firm action to help him accomplish what you are asking of him, but without giving negative verbal stimuli.
Q: My child is always active and always makes a move to tease others when he sees them, is this ADHD? How can I correct it? (Behavior)
Guo Yanqing: I need to know the age of the child, and the phenomenon you mentioned is an impulsive behavior. The core deficit of ADHD is attention deficit, which means that the child is not able to concentrate on something that is relatively uninteresting, and there are various manifestations. In addition, similar conditions should occur in more than one context, for example, they should be prominent in more than two settings, at home** and at school, to be considered as a possible ADHD problem. Just because a child has a prominent behavior problem in one area does not necessarily mean that he or she has ADHD.
Question: My son is 6 years old and has a particular aversion to writing. He is unable to answer questions bravely in class, but is naughty when playing with children. (Behavior 6 years old) Detailed description: My child is 6 years old, a boy, in kindergarten class, and will be in first grade next semester. I found that he is now particularly averse to writing and has no patience for anything. What should I do?
Guo Yanqing: Thank you, your question is very specific, but the situation you are responding to is actually one of the situations that many kindergarteners or children who are just starting school will be in. If it keeps not changing, you can do the appropriate counseling again.
Q: What are the symptoms and causes of ADHD? How to solve such problems? (Behavioral habits)
Guo Yanqing: The cause of ADHD is not clear at this time, and it is currently tended to be thought of as a genetically related brain disease. If once diagnosed, central stimulant treatment can be given, 75% of children are able to control the symptoms of hyperactivity and attention deficit, and timely treatment should not have a significant impact on academics.
Q: What are the reasons why young children are reluctant to go to kindergarten? What should I do if I get irritable when I talk about going to kindergarten? (Going to kindergarten. Behavior and habits)
Guo Yanqing: Before I answer your question, I would like to tell you about a phenomenon I often see. When I am at work, I often pass by a kindergarten and every day I see many parents dealing with children who do not want to go to kindergarten. Parents often persuade and coax their children all the way to kindergarten, but the children cry, play, and even roll all over the floor, also do not want to go to kindergarten, once the parents stop to lecture him, he will behave a little better, but once led to kindergarten, he started such behavior again, or even more than such behavior. When sending your child to kindergarten, you can do a lot of work beforehand, such as taking him to kindergarten often to play, get in touch with kindergarten children and teachers, and tell him about the fun things in kindergarten, etc. This will help your child to go to kindergarten. However, once you decide to send your child to kindergarten, the only way to reduce crying is to do everything possible to send your child to class as soon as possible, and not to stop and pause in the process, because stopping and pause is a reinforcement of your child’s crying behavior.
Q: My daughter is 6 years old, but her behavior at kindergarten and at home is very different, and she can maintain good habits at kindergarten but not at home. (Behavior 6 years old) Detailed description: My daughter is 6 years old, in the middle class, she behaves quite obediently in kindergarten, but not at home: for example, she doesn’t clean up her own garbage (she was able to clean up her own garbage when she didn’t go to kindergarten); she paints messy pictures and doesn’t listen to parents’ advice, while the paintings painted in kindergarten are not so messy. Is this the result of the difference in education between kindergarten and home?
Guo Yanqing: It can be interpreted that way, but the main reason is not the difference in education, but the different experience of human interaction, many children have a lot of problems in front of their parents or in the home environment, but in the ** environment such as school and kindergarten, they are just fine. In most cases the problem is not how the child is, but rather that the parents behave differently with their children than they do at school. As a parent, you must be careful to be consistent with the way the school teachers teach. Most of the time, parents tend to ignore the constructive behaviors of their children, such as when a child communicates his demands in a gentle tone of voice and the parents ignore them, while paying attention to those problematic behaviors of their children, such as when a child communicates his demands in a crying, threatening manner, the parents are the ones who pay attention and not only that, but also in such cases, meet those demands of their children. In this way, the child will show all kinds of problem behaviors in front of the parents, so that there is a big difference between his performance in kindergarten and at home.
Q: What if my child likes to dismantle toys? (Behavior)
Guo Yanqing: In fact, older children tend not to dismantle toys, they know how to cherish and care for them, just like we adults care for all our supplies. For children as young as three or five years old, or even younger, their nature is curious, and their curiosity is much greater than their appreciation of things. Handling: If it is not an overly valuable toy, there is generally no need to discourage them, let alone reprimand or scold them for doing so; even if it is something valuable, let him have access to it under your management to avoid him destroying your cherished things out of curiosity.
Q: How should children’s interests be cultivated? (Talent development)
Guo Yanqing: The cultivation of children’s interests is a very complex issue. It is complex because different scholars have different answers to this question and it is very controversial. Interests can be either innate or nurtured. In the latter case, children may not be born with an interest in music, painting, dance, and other things that we adults are more concerned about. However, when through certain understanding and learning, it is possible for a child to develop a certain interest in these things and therefore to reach out to them. Suggestions: Regarding the cultivation of interests, the natural ones should be discovered and encouraged, while the acquired ones can be guided and helped. In the beginning, children may resist or resist the interest they have developed. At this point, it may become a necessity to give some restraint (this restraint does not mean scolding, but rules) appropriately.
Question: Your child does not like to talk much, and sometimes he does not say a word when asked by relatives or friends, as if he is very shy. In class, the teacher’s questions cannot be answered painfully, what is the reason? (Emotion and communication)
Guo Yanqing: This is a good question, but it’s not easy to answer. Generally speaking, these questions do not indicate any psychological or developmental abnormalities, but are more likely to be a transient state or a result of the child’s innate temperament. My advice is not to force it, but to guide and encourage it along the way.
Q: My baby is 3 years old, and he was doing very well in kindergarten, but after a few days he didn’t want to go and even cried, but after a few days he was fine again. (Going to Kindergarten, Emotion and Communication, 3 years old)
Guo Yanqing: I think this is a very common problem in kindergarten. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the child has emotional problems or that the teacher has methodological problems, but rather that it is a normal adaptation process to a new environment. However, both teachers and parents should do everything possible to help children adapt to kindergarten life as soon as possible. For example, expressions, tone of voice, behavioral touch and soothing, as well as interpersonal interaction and games can help children accept and enjoy kindergarten life.
Q: My daughter is 2 years old and has been having mood swings lately. She used to not play around, but now she cries and fusses when her demands are not met. (Behavior 2 years old)
Guo Yanqing: Age is a very important factor for this question. In principle, the younger the child, the more important it is to meet all of his or her requests without any problem behavior. This is the key to dealing with a child’s problem behavior. Only when the child’s needs are mostly met can we firmly refuse some unreasonable request he or she makes. Another point to emphasize is that any management and measures for the child need to be done on the basis that the whole family, or even all concerned, fully understand the necessity and science of such management, otherwise the child’s problem behavior may not disappear completely, but it is possible that it will disappear only in the presence of certain people.
Q: How can we develop enthusiasm, attitude and ability to learn in young children? (Potential Development)
Yanqing Guo: Interest is a child’s best teacher and play is the best means to develop interest. If you can master these two points, what you expect can be achieved.
Q: What should I do if my 1-year-old baby keeps crying when he doesn’t get what he wants and no amount of reasoning will work? (Behavior 1 year old) Detailed description: My son is 13 months old, and when he doesn’t get what he wants, he doesn’t care no matter how much you reason with him, as long as he doesn’t get it, he keeps crying. I know that “spoiling a child is like killing a child”. What is the best way to let my child know that there are many things that are not as good as they should be, without making my child feel too frustrated?
Guo Yanqing: For this question, age is a very important factor, and gender is not critical. In principle, the younger the child, the more important it is to meet all of his or her needs without any problem behaviors. This is the key to dealing with a child’s problem behavior. It is only when the child’s needs are mostly met that he or she makes some unreasonable requests that we can firmly refuse. Another point to emphasize is that any management and measures taken with the child need to be done on the basis that the whole family, or even all concerned, fully understand the necessity and science of such management, otherwise the child’s problem behavior may not disappear completely, but it is possible that it will disappear only in the presence of certain people.