Many parents feel that their children are very “unique”, selfish, possessive, do not know how to share with others, mothers worry that their children will have difficulty getting along with others. In contrast to the domineering baby who only fights, the baby who is too modest does not know how to fight, but only knows how to let, and the mother is worried that this will not be in a competitive society at a disadvantage. Which is the most important thing that children need, “fight” or “let”? Scene 1: “Competition”: Never lose out. In kindergarten, when a girl’s toy was taken away by a boy, she slapped the boy in the face. When the teacher asked the girl why she was hitting the child, the girl said with conviction, “My mother said, who wants to bully me, let me hit him, but can not lose.” Scene 2: “Let”: How come she doesn’t even fight with people? When she saw the square on the ground, she was very happy to play with it and put her hands on it. The boy came over and tried to grab the toy, but she immediately moved out of the way, always so humble, never fighting with children, even if it was something she really liked. Mom is very anxious, in the face of her favorite things, how come she does not compete with others? Analysis: We can see that those who only fight not to let the domineering baby is really unpleasant, but those who are too modest children everywhere only know how to retreat, tolerate and even cowardly, but also more anxious parents. In fact, strong and weak, are born with the baby’s character. Whether the character is strong or weak, it is not the baby’s fault. The key is, how to adjust the “degree”, so that children do not bullying and bullying, but also do not hold back the self of the open-minded baby. This requires us to teach our children the right amount of “fight” and “let”, not only know how to “let” others, but also to learn to others “fight “, to express their own ideas, to meet their own desires. 3 Tips for children to master the degree of “fight” and “let” Psychologists point out that a proper and healthy sharing interaction process for children is not simply giving and taking. The right “fight” and “give” include three characteristics: 1. Children know how to respect their own wishes. 2. 2. The child understands the needs of the other person on the basis of satisfying his or her own wishes. 3.Find a solution and reach a win-win situation. In a healthy interaction process, the child is not to suppress self-needs at the cost of his or her partner “fight” is to be fully respected self-will. Then, appreciating each other’s emotions, the child is willing to meet each other’s compromises and “give up” his or her interests to achieve the win-win goal. Throughout the process, the struggle and the concession are both from the heart. If you make false concessions in order to receive praise, or if you make concessions in order to escape, or if you make concessions in anger, you are deviating from the goal of happy sharing and will not have a positive impact on your child’s psyche. 5 Tips to Teach Children to Properly “Fight” and “Let” 1. Let Children Naturally Expose and Express Their Inner Feelings When a child is still a little one with an immature mind and sensory system, there is nothing more valuable than letting him experience his inner feelings and true emotions. There is no more valuable experience than allowing your child to experience his own inner feelings and authentic emotional expression. At this time, all you need to do is to let him have more contact with the outside environment, so that he can interact with external people and things in the process of revealing their true feelings, which is also the nutrients he needs for psychological growth. For example, when he gets into a fight with a child, don’t tell him what to do, see what he will do on his own. In the process of doing it by himself, his personality, his inner world, his desires and doubts, will simply pour out. At this point, the toy itself is not important to him, what he wants is his own inner expression. 2. Inspire your child to think and judge whether he should be humble or not. When playing with your child in a playground or other environment, if you encounter a corresponding scenario, you can discuss with your child whether he should be humble or not, why should he? Why or why not? Inspire your child to discuss the facts of the situation and help him or her establish a standard of right and wrong. Because for young children, their thinking is often still “self-centered”, most of the time are unable to take into account the feelings and needs of others, playing with toys, always want to take the good over a person to play, share things, always want the big more good ……. At this time, if adults use external pressure to force children to humble others, it is likely to go against their own will, if this will often be suppressed, they may become afraid to express their feelings, and even leave a shadow on their young minds, after growing up adults may also act in a relatively retreating manner, afraid to defend their legitimate rights. In other words, for children in this period, you can create the conditions of interaction for them to gradually experience the necessity of reciprocity between people, you can guide their modest behavior by reasoning, when they unintentionally make modest behavior, you can praise, you can encourage, but never force or lure! 3. Encourage children to look for rules in the environment Children are equal to each other and should be encouraged to look for rules in their games and environment. For example, when playing in the McDonald’s play area, every child should have the opportunity. They can be encouraged to line up and there is no need to be humble when it is their turn to play. Good habits of young children are developed with the help of strict rules. For example, when urinating or drinking, teach children to be able to wait in line and not swarm; to politely talk to others when they want to play with their toys …… These seemingly simple truths, but some children have difficulty doing them, and it will help develop their patience and humility. 4. Teach your child to negotiate when things go wrong Arguments between children are inevitable, but the key is how to solve them. It is important to educate and guide your child to use the negotiation method to solve the problem. For example, when fighting over a toy, you can let your child take turns or play in the form of rock-paper-scissors; in the process of playing sand, when arguing over tools, you can guide your child to complete the work cooperatively, etc. 5, fully believe in the child’s ability Parents have too many worries: fear that the child will suffer, fear that the child will make a mistake, so they can not help but to be on the side of the child to constantly help the child make decisions, give the child too much guidance. In fact, worry is a special kind of energy, and the more you worry about a terrible situation arising, the more you emphasize its existence, consciously or unconsciously, and the more likely it is that the thing you are worried about will happen. Each child is a self-contained being, with its own unique life energy and unique life path. We should believe that children are capable of solving everything, rather than projecting adults’ worries onto their growth process. As the saying goes, “learning from one’s mistakes”, only in the process of continuous correction can a child’s heart be trained and become strong and open-minded, tolerant and generous.