One, do not know that there are various sensitive periods in the 0-6 years of age, the child’s performance in the sensitive period as a misbehavior to reprimand the child, against the child’s nature, causing him pain, leaving psychological hidden trouble.
There are various sensitive periods when children are 0-6 years old. The so-called sensitive period refers to the period of growth from 0-6 years old, when children are driven by their inner vitality to repeatedly operate a certain action or repeatedly learn a certain ability within a certain period of time, and the learning ability is particularly strong. There are sensitive periods for attachment formation, oral sensitivity, sensitive periods for movements such as hands, legs and feet, sensitive periods for language, sensitive periods for subtle things, sensitive periods for skin touch, sensitive periods for obstinacy and perfection, sensitive periods for order, sensitive periods for mathematics, sensitive periods for drawing, and so on.
1, oral sensitive period: soon after birth to a little over one year old, is the oral sensitive period. No matter how adults stop, children always put their hands in the mouth, and eat with gusto. Adults should not think unclean and to stop the child, otherwise it will leave a psychological hazard. All the adult has to do is to make sure that what is in the mouth is relatively clean, and it is best to provide different things for the child to explore with the mouth! Children at this stage rely on their mouths to explore the world, and if they pass through it successfully, they will never use their mouths for anything other than food again. Some children enter kindergarten or elementary school and still can’t break the habit of sucking on fingers or other objects, or even develop other undesirable behaviors, such as snacking, spitting, and swearing! All to some extent related to the oral sensitivity period did not pass well.
2, hand sensitive period: and the late overlap of the oral sensitive period is the hand sensitive period, in the hand sensitive period love to throw things with their hands, finger picking small holes, and even hit others (in fact, from the child’s point of view is only in the arm muscle movement practice). The sensitive period of the hand overlaps with the sensitive period of the leg, and sometimes two or three sensitive periods often cross at the same time.
3, the sensitive period of property rights awareness: more than two years old children enter the sensitive period of property rights awareness, often saying “this is mine” “that is mine”, refused to share anything with others, and even the mother can not ask for what he is holding. Dear parents should not think that their children are selfish and must find a way to change this problem. In fact, this is the practice of property ownership, through the confirmation of the right to belong to the object, to recognize his relationship with the object. Foreign education experts often say that the philosophy of two-year-olds is “mine, mine, mine, everything is mine. We should also understand the behavior of children at this stage, rather than labeling them.
The way to get through the sensitive period of property awareness is not to take your child seriously when he is particularly obvious and just go along with him. This takes about three or four months (depending on the child). Then, when you find an appropriate opportunity, i.e., when other children share their toys with your child, remind him, “Are you happy that the children share their toys with you?” When he nods, tell him, “They are also happy that you share your toys with others. Stop there and don’t force the child right away. After repeating this several times, let him try to share the toys with other children. Through practice, he will learn that the toys belong to him and that he will get them back after sharing them with others. Most children enter the sharing stage around three weeks of age.
Note 1: Adults should never tease a child who is in a period of strong property rights awareness by forcibly grabbing something from the child’s hand, making him cry, and then shaming him with “You are so stingy! This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!
Note 2: When the child can share and give us something to eat, we must accept it, don’t say “I am teasing you, I don’t eat it, you eat it”, this is to refuse the child’s sharing, it will bring the child a feeling of disappointment, the child will associate sharing with disappointment and not enjoy the joy of sharing, slowly will not be willing to share. The child will not enjoy the joy of sharing and will not want to share.
4. Order, perfection, and obstinacy: At the age of three or four, the child enters the sensitive period of order, perfection, and obstinacy.
Other sensitive periods have their own performance, for example, at the age of five or six there is a worship and be worshiped sensitive period, marriage sensitive period, etc., only to let the child smoothly and naturally through, will maintain a healthy mind.
Second, the wrong knowledge instillation as early education, always use the “teaching” method to cause children’s resistance.
It is often said that before the age of three is the most important period, this period is not to let the child learn how much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth. Psychological growth is the important content of early education, a healthy mind is the source of lifelong happiness. This is the period to spoil the child, child-centered, let him eat alone, do everything for him, do not respect him, easily meet his material needs in advance, while ignoring his inner feelings and so on, this kind of emphasis on material satisfaction light spiritual nourishment way, can only raise an unhealthy and independent child.
Don’t teach your child, just demonstrate. For not teaching children, many people may think I’m talking nonsense, this statement in the beginning of my contact also do not understand, I experienced a full two years, through a lot of observation and practice to understand that children really are not “taught” out. For example: when guests and small children greeting, the child did not respond, adults usually out of courtesy and face, will be urged to say “call ah, how not to call auntie, how not to answer, you should call auntie ah, you child is so” and so on, so do is to teach, teach will give the child pressure. If you teach and accuse at the same time, it is even more torturing to the child. We just need to imitate the child’s tone of voice to respond: “Auntie, hello! Or “Bye, Auntie!” “Thank you, Grandma, I’ve eaten.” And so on. This is modeling, not teaching.
A child with nimble fingers can start practicing putting on shoes at about 18 months, and if the child puts them on backwards, most parents will say, “Wrong wrong, left and right wrong.” Wrong left and right? With a little one’s ability, there is no right or wrong. Telling him he’s wrong will stress him out, and the tone of our voice will make her nervous: What’s wrong, why does mommy sound so bad? Just calmly tell your child: “Swap the two shoes”. This is the correct way to tell him, so on the line, do not go “teach: this is the left, that is the right (the child’s brain is very simple, accept the correct instructions on the line, too complex he can not accept.)” In my experience, after a month or two of prompting, the child will be able to wear shoes, and left and right will not be wrong.
When operating the toy, you only need to demonstrate, “baby, look at mommy do”, mommy slow down the speed to do the demonstration, after that, give the child time and opportunity to let him repeatedly adjust the operation again and again, do not disturb him, do not chatter when he happens a little mistake “wrong wrong, not like this Do it”. This way the child loses the opportunity to internalize external information. If everything is taught by you, the child’s ability to learn for himself is often lost when no one teaches him. This is how children’s ability to focus is destroyed by us! What we should do is to wait patiently for him to adjust himself, and we must not criticize. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.
Third, never use a walker! Always let your child crawl!
A walker is more harmful than good for your baby’s health. Learning to walk requires overcoming a huge psychological barrier, mastering the skills to maintain body balance, the walker does not need to be so “troublesome”, a little touch can easily slip far away, which makes it difficult for children to overcome the psychological barriers to adapt to the hard process of learning to walk on their own. This is why children who use walkers are slower to learn to walk.
Another situation is that children with walkers have their foot muscles shaped into tiptoes, and parents often have to spend a long time to let their babies learn to land on their whole feet. With a walker, the child’s chance to crawl is greatly reduced. Many elderly people are often very proud of “my grandchildren do not need to crawl, walk directly, really good!” They do not know that humans must crawl to develop healthy. Children who do not crawl have poor body coordination, which affects life and movement. Poor vestibular nerve development affects future reading and writing, and also hinders the development of language.
Fourth, the correct handling of children’s crying emotions, is the beginning of building a good character.
Joy, anger, sadness, happiness, fear, etc. are all normal emotional manifestations of the old gift to humans. We adults always like happy things and often find it annoying for crying.
A child’s crying needs our patience to feel, not just saying “don’t cry, don’t cry” to the child, which is a very big mistake. Crying is the release of his inner conflicts and contradictions, not a bad thing. Adults just need to gently hug him, stroke his back, and say the first words, “Oh, baby, mommy knows …… (what just happened), you are very sad, mommy understands you” “Oh, baby, mommy knows you fell and hurt, and a little scared, right”, this is empathy, that we understand him, accept his sadness is the beginning of adjusting his emotions.
The second sentence must be “mommy knows you are not happy (this is very important)”, so that he will quickly cheer up, the third sentence is “mommy loves you, mommy understands you”. Finally, you can take three deep breaths to let your child exhale the unpleasant feelings. If you learn this, your child may still have tears on his face before he runs off to find his buddies.
When we raise our little boys, we most often say, “Boys, why cry?” “Shame on you, boys still cry!” Boys are often prevented by adults from releasing their sadness as children, and slowly grow up, they don’t know how to release their sadness, and they don’t know how to express their love, so I believe many wives feel the same way about how hard it is to get their husbands to say they love you. In other words, after such a boy enters marriage as an adult, he must not be able to communicate well with his wife, which will affect the quality of the marriage. Please think about it, if your son’s future married life may be unhappy as a result, will you still stop your little boy from crying? Please accept his sorrow unconditionally! A boy crying is not something to lose face!
When a few months old baby cries, we often rush over to him with the words “come on, come on”, this is not good, the child will develop the mentality of controlling adults. You should say in a relaxed and calm tone, “Are you hungry? Mom is here”; once the child struggles and cries and refuses to do something in a compromising voice “oh oh oh, don’t don’t don’t don’t”, you should actually say in a calm tone: “Okay, not now, we’ll do it later …… (do something)”. Don’t let your child feel that he can control adults with crying and can do as he pleases.
Many times educational methods are implemented with good observation and summation, rather than a generalization.