I. The importance of secure attachment to future growth Attachment refers to a long lasting emotional connection of an individual to a specific individual, a kind of following, attachment and intimate behavior to that person and the resulting sense of belonging and security. When we talk about attachment, we mainly refer to the age of 0-2 years, when the child is born, the mother must be with the child. In traditional education, we always think that the 0-2 years old child does not know what to do, we are responsible for his food and clothing, do not get sick, to meet the physical needs of the child, but ignore the psychological needs of the child. Children have a strong need to be with their mothers when they are 0-2 years old, so it is important not to have too much separation from your child during the 0-2 years. In some countries, mothers do not work outside the home until the child is 3 years old, and their main task is to stay home with the child. This is very scientific because it helps the child and the mother to build a stable and secure attachment, which makes the child feel safe inside and has an important impact on the way the child interacts with people in the future. Norwegian psychologists have played a role in changing the children’s hospital system when it comes to parents staying with their children in hospital. This is because it was first discovered that some children had to leave their mothers when they were hospitalized. We saw a documentary where the mother brought the child to the hospital, the mother left, and in the moment of leaving there was despair, fear in the child’s eyes, and the child had to experience pain and also strange nurses and doctors, and he would not thank the doctor as much as the adults did. The Norwegian psychologist child researcher found such scenarios of children’s grief and made it mandatory for all children who are hospitalized, to have their mother with them. Some friends talked about how when he was 2 or 3 years old, it didn’t matter if his mother was just cooking in the kitchen, it felt at ease when his mother was there, his heart was warm and he was especially happy, it didn’t matter if he played by himself, this is the power of psychology. But some children recall that there are times when their parents are not at home, put him at home, very scary, feeling very lonely, it seems that the whole world does not want me. Adults feel that they will be back in a while, but the child’s feelings are permanent, and the memories and understandings he builds are his own, and the understanding at that age is “You don’t want me anymore, you’ve abandoned me! In this way, the child will grow up with interpersonal problems, it is difficult for him to trust others, even the world, always in a state of doubt, with a deep sense of insecurity, in the process of interaction with others will always remain wary, reluctant to reveal their true feelings to others, although he would like to make friends with others, but in any case can not be integrated into the circle of others, sensitive to what others say. Do not believe that others are like themselves, this is because the early years when his mother left left him is his own bad, so his mother left the impression that, in the long run, interaction with people has become a burden for him, lack of friends, personality has become withdrawn, pessimistic, and even affect the future of the relationship, because there is no early years of experience to help him build a close and stable relationship with lovers. Second, if you have to leave how to do better? Suddenly leaving is definitely bad, the child was suddenly sent to his grandfather’s house, after sending, the child will feel that mom and dad will be gone, gone, he formed a sense of abandonment at that time, this is the fear of life and death for the child, very scary! It is best not to send your child away when he is small, but if you have to send him away, you should still try to give him a sense of stability, so that he can feel that “mom is still here, but only temporarily away”, you can bring him a bottle, a small quilt, a fur bear, or a piece of mom’s clothes with her smell on it, which will This will reduce the child’s fear of the mother’s absence, and visit the child regularly, every day or every week, preferably at the same time, and when you leave, talk to the child about the next time you will come back, so it will be much better for the child, and separation anxiety will be reduced. The child also needs to reconnect after being picked up, which can greatly reduce the occurrence of psychological barriers. Third, what should I do if my child cries in kindergarten? We don’t recommend full daycare for 2-3 year olds just like we don’t recommend sending them to grandma or grandpa’s house. The last thing is to be picked up every day and fixed in a kindergarten, and not to change the kindergarten easily. Because a stable and good kindergarten is an object, the child as a subject needs a new object to replace it after being separated from his parents. Therefore, I think that we can’t say that something is wrong, but there is also a good side to it, and the key is to try to avoid the trauma it brings. Some children cry a lot in kindergarten, and mothers always think that after they send their children to kindergarten, they will be fine after they run away and hide. Although the mother can’t see the child crying and doesn’t have to feel so torn, the damage to the child is not small. Mom should tell her child beforehand, “Mom sent you to kindergarten, there are other children like you in kindergarten, you can play with them, we are only temporarily separated, mom will come to pick you up after work”, these mothers must tell their children, so that he knows that mom just went to work and will come back after work, not do not want This process is also the process of establishing a mutual trust with the child. Some children may not listen to you no matter how you coax them or what you say, they just don’t want to go to kindergarten and cry every time they are sent. This may be because they failed to establish a good attachment with their mother during the 0-2 years old period, so separation is fearful and unbearable for such children. Mothers should spend more time with their children and communicate with them in a gentle manner. We say that a person’s psychological development consists of several parts, one is the genes, the characteristics of the nervous system, such as the type of disease; another point is your acquired environment, that is, interpersonal relationships. Both of these are very important, so some children are born extraordinarily skinny and are better brought up than others, which is what we usually call a different type of temperament, and likewise trauma in the later environment can lead to different results. If the child does not have any problems in life or is normal, then it is not necessary to care about it. If it does cause problems in some aspects and even affects life and learning, then it is some psychological problems and we can do some psychotherapy to reduce the impact of trauma.