More than twenty years ago, Xiao Yan was born, chubby and white, the only granddaughter of her grandparents, the jewel in the palm of her hand. She grew up smart, smiling and dancing, and showed a talent for painting from a young age, drawing characters that were so beautiful that they were loved by adults and partners. More than twenty years later, Xiao Yan became a grumpy girl, who loved to get mad and angry, and even hit her mother. She hated herself, felt ugly and disgusting, was afraid to look in the mirror, and did not believe in the compliments of others. She once drew a sketch comparing herself to a disgusting mouse, lonely inside and scared in the dark. She had also made an impressive drawing of an angel in a red dress with tears of blood coming out of her eyes. What had happened to turn a girl upside down. It turns out that underneath her fierce look there is a heart of glass that is more fragile than normal. After Xiao Yan was born, her mother took her to live with her grandmother, and her father worked abroad, so she could only go home for reunion on festive days. This life lasted until she started kindergarten. After she started school, her mother took her to live with her father. Grandpa and Grandma had only one son and one daughter, and Xiao Yan received a lot of love and affection as Grandma’s only granddaughter. Mom and Grandma had some arguments about Xiao Yan’s education. When the mother disciplined Xiao Yan, the grandmother would stop her out of pain. So Xiao Yan’s mother takes advantage of her grandmother’s absence to teach her a lesson. Xiao Yan remembers her mother whipping her with a broom when she was two or three years old, which she found scary at the time. Xiao Yan is indeed a child who is not very manageable, has a big temper, especially pestering her mother, and must buy what she wants. The mother was even more anxious when her husband was not around. For example, when weaning Xiao Yan, the mother used a lot of methods, smearing purple potion, smearing pepper, scaring and so on all failed, tearing the heart and crying. The company’s main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. When Xiao Yan went to school, her mother took her to live with her father, and the family life of three people officially began. She felt that her parents’ home was not her home, and that her grandparents’ home was her home. When he occasionally hears his mom and dad say bad things about his grandmother, Xiao Yan becomes even more angry. He felt that there was something wrong with his mom and dad’s character. But Xiao Yan dares not speak out, she is afraid of her bad-tempered mother, dare not resist, has been relatively good. Xiao Yan had a talent for drawing and painting since she was a child, and was loved by her teachers and classmates. After entering junior high school, Xiao Yan changed. Her relationship with her classmates became more and more tense, and her relationship with her mother also became more and more tense until now. Whenever she thinks of her mother beating her as a child, she gets angry and questions her mother, but her mother’s evasive and unapologetic attitude makes her more and more angry. Even to the point of striking. It is at this point that the parents feel the seriousness of the problem. A child is like a clean cup, and those who have taken it will leave handprints on it. All parents hurt their children, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Xiao Yan was born and raised mainly by his grandmother and mother. On the one hand, the grandmother was very doting, and on the other hand, the mother was impatient and lacked patience with the child. These contradictory loves made it impossible for Xiao Yan to integrate them as an infant, and he could not tell what was love and what was hate, leaving him in a state of internal psychological ambivalence for a long time. This contradictory emotion made Xiao Yan lack security and clarity, and she did not know how to face the external love and hate, and there were confusing relationships and feelings everywhere, thus creating generalized anxiety, which affected her ability to get along with people normally and to build intimate relationships. In addition, Xiao Yan’s grandmother was the head of the family and her mother had a strong personality, and the two would often have problems with the issue of educating their children. The parents’ authority was never established. The grandparents are also disappointed with mom and dad, which inevitably gets passed on to Xiao Yan, making it impossible to establish the image of mom and dad in Xiao Yan’s mind. She even feels that her mom and dad cannot be relied on and trusted. So how can similar problems be avoided in the family? The most critical stage is before the child is six years old. Before the age of six, Xiao Yan lives in a family where the father’s role is missing and the family structure is unbalanced. Parents should give their children a complete family. No family is perfect, but it should be as good as it can be. So what do you do as a parent if a similar child is present in the family? The first thing to consider is to seek professional help from the health care system. I once met such a visitor, who was almost forty years old and had recently had a difficult time with his parents. After inquiry, I found out that the visitor had some problems more than twenty years ago, but never sought medical help. As he got older, his parents were getting too old to manage. But now it seems to be a little late. It seems really regrettable that this visitor is unable to go out and live independently because of her own problems, always entangled in her parents’ life and delaying a large part of her youth. So if there is such an adult child in the family, try to seek early diagnosis and treatment. The main treatments available are psychotherapy, medication and inpatient treatment. Psychotherapy is the core treatment for borderline personality disorder. Hospitalization is needed to prevent patients from self-harming when they appear to self-harm or injure others. With long-term treatment, patients experience significant changes that improve the quality of life for themselves and their entire family. Second, problems with one member of the family are closely related to the whole family. So other members of the family, especially parents, should reflect on their own problems. Parents and children communicate and communicate more, learn the art of love and getting along, learn to control their emotions, give their children a model, and give more tolerance and acceptance to problem children. Encourage your child to participate in social activities more often. Sometimes the family changes and the child’s problems miraculously disappear. Personality is difficult to change once it is formed, so families should pay attention to the development of a healthy personality in their children to avoid the emergence of problematic members that can bring disastrous pain and anxiety to the family and the problematic members themselves.