What is the most prevalent disease in the 21st century? People may say “SARS” or “influenza A”. However, the answer from psychologists is: loneliness. A survey of 1,200 adults in Europe showed that about 1/3 of people often feel lonely. In the latest issue of the American Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the University of Chicago tracked 5,214 Americans over a 30-year period and found that people feel lonely on average 48 days a year. The survey showed that if you have a friend who carries the “loneliness virus” around, you are 52% more likely to be lonely than normal! Not only that, but this contagion also has a domino effect, and can even involve friends of friends. 6 kinds of people are most likely to be lonely 31-year-old Chen Mei is a book editor, usually friends all over the world, but when it comes to loneliness, she feels a lot: “Once I was so bitter that I wanted to find someone to pour out my bitterness, but I turned over the phone book in my cell phone, but I couldn’t find anyone!” Looking for this friend, it is like a mountain, really do not have the patience to explain clearly the context; looking for that friend, they have to squeeze time to go to the toilet all day, embarrassed to find trouble; looking for peers, although there is a common language, but we are usually open communication secret competition, afraid to become a laughing stock; looking for the author, but only the work relationship between the book manuscript back and forth, no obligation to be her emotional trash; looking for parents, it. And afraid that the elderly are too worried …… “obviously standing in the sea, but also watching themselves die of thirst, this is loneliness.” Chen Mui’s eyes are full of helplessness. Unlike Chen Mei, Mr. Sun, who works in a foreign company, confessed that he is a person afraid of loneliness, the first thing he does every day when he gets home is to turn on the TV, even if his wife and children are not at home, but also to turn on all the lights in the house. A bus on the phone by all means to kill time, nothing to pull a few buddies after work to drink a little wine, as long as the family will have to support the table mahjong, anyway, how to be lively. “I can’t help it, a free time, the heart of the panic is very strong. Even so, sometimes when you are in a pile of friends, you suddenly feel that there is no point in doing anything, and that loneliness is something that you can’t hide from.” ”Even with company, people are still lonely.” In an interview with Life Time, Emotional Intelligence management expert Dr. Elaine Zhang, a psychologist at Georgia Tech, said so. Although the reasons for loneliness are similar, loneliness tends to favor six kinds of people: women: women are more emotional and pay attention to the psychological satisfaction brought by interpersonal relationships, plus they have strong emotional expression ability and are more willing to vent their loneliness, so they are the susceptible people and the best spreaders of the “loneliness virus”. Leaders. As the saying goes, “all sages are lonely”, the road to success is often different from the ordinary people, and when it comes to the top, it is a kind of cognitive and ideological loneliness. “Keeping a certain distance between superiors and subordinates is a prerequisite to ensure that leaders establish their authority and reflect the respectful attitude of subordinates,” notes Yue Xiaodong, PhD in psychology from Harvard University and associate professor in the Department of Applied Social Sciences at City University of Hong Kong. The self-centered person. Such people are overly focused on themselves and have difficulty getting psychological satisfaction from social interaction, which, combined with a lack of social skills, makes them vulnerable to isolation. People who do not have a rich inner world, such as some gnawers, full-time wives and workaholics who have nothing to do once they get off work. On the contrary, experiments have proven that people with strong faith are less prone to loneliness. People who lack family companionship. People like empty nesters and only children have more time to spend alone and therefore often experience external, behavioral loneliness. Extroverts. Research shows that extroverts are more eager for novelty and need external stimulation to achieve a state of arousal. If there is a lack of external stimulation, they can fall into boredom and loneliness. Loneliness is sad and hurtful In modern society, why does loneliness follow you around? “The excessive pursuit of material things makes modern people neglect their own psychological needs, which, figuratively speaking, means that they wanted to walk the dog but ended up being walked by the dog.” Dr. Cong Zhong, chief psychiatrist of the Sixth Hospital of Peking University, summed up the main reason with a joke. On the one hand, people’s wallets are getting bigger and bigger, and they are willing to invest in their spiritual life (especially in human relationships). For example, people buy cars to get the joy of freedom to come and go, but car maintenance, car washing, parking are all problems, life is greatly constrained, the initial freedom and joy are lost. On the other hand, people’s time is becoming more and more valuable, and the interaction between people is becoming more and more practical, before a group of people together for the nebulous ideal can talk all night, and now if you have a meal on a whim, others are always suspicious that you are asking for his help to do the pavement …… originally thought that the richer you are, the happier you are, the result The more money you have, the happier you will be, and the more distant you will be, the more loneliness will naturally flash a warning light. In addition, in the 1970s and 1980s, people lived in bungalows and family compounds, and neighbors were happy with each other, while in modern society, the hardness of steel and concrete makes people’s hearts fragile, communication is less, and the soul becomes lost. Because of this, loneliness brings great “destructiveness”. Studies show that lonely people have 30 units higher blood pressure than socially active people, are three times more likely to suffer from heart disease and stroke, and are twice as likely to die from heart disease and stroke; lonely people are prone to bad habits because it weakens their willpower and determination, and they tend to give up exercise and consume more fat and sugar, tobacco and alcohol; lonely people lack flexibility in the brain and do not sleep well, so they age faster; loneliness makes the mind weaker. Loneliness increases the secretion of the human stress hormone cortisol, which weakens the human immune system; long-term loneliness secretes more stress hormones called “adrenal ketones”, which also increases the risk of cancer. Worst of all, the overreaction of loneliness is not only harmful to oneself, but also to others: University of Chicago psychologist Casey Wobbe points out that a lonely person may be less likely to trust others, and always likes to take the bull by the horns and find fault with others, and will have fewer and fewer friends. Modern society is a “network” composed of many people, and if a person in one of the key chains is cut off from other people because of the problems caused by “loneliness”, it may cause a wider range of “relationship disruption “The loneliness will spread geometrically. Making the right friends is the best “vaccine” Making the right friends is the main anti-loneliness “vaccine”. Studies point out that for every extra friend you make, you will have 0.04 days in a week and two days less in a year. The series said that when we choose friends, we are often limited by such and such rules and regulations: to find a social status equal or even slightly better, to find a willingness to be generous, to find a close, common face …… In fact, to help you get rid of loneliness is not how many practical benefits you can give you, but you do not have to worry about who you interact with him You will not have to worry about who is paying more, and your interest in working together will grow. Treat the things you like (at least as much) as a career. Yue said that when a person becomes happy, the chances that the friends around him will also follow to become happy will increase by 25%. In other words, happiness is also contagious. Cong suggests that on weekends or in your spare time, join a club that interests you, such as someone who regularly goes on trips with a group of “donkeys” (travel buddies) who originally didn’t know each other, someone who takes a beginner’s dance class, or someone who goes to fulfill a childhood piano dream …… try 15 minutes alone. Some people may say, I have done all of the above, but why do I still feel lonely at times? In this regard, all three experts say that the most fundamental way to fight loneliness is still to learn to be well alone. “Some people see loneliness as a ball of dead noodles that they always want to throw away, but they don’t think that adding some ingredients and waiting patiently can turn it into a living noodle.” Clumping said. The specific approach is: turn off the doors and windows, cell phones, computers, TVs, lights, sit quietly and ask yourself how your day is going, what new ideas you have, what unhappy things you have, what the reasons for them might be, what things need to change, etc.