1. one and a half year old child does not eat properly?
My daughter is one and a half years old, especially naughty, except for sleeping and eating at home, the rest of the day all the time outside, do not want to come home. The most irritating thing is that she does not eat properly, and when we eat, she takes her hand to the plate to grab the food, and we control her and hit us. If she is disciplined too much, she will cry and scream. What do you think we should do as parents to discipline our children? Thank you!
Answer
The education a child receives before the age of three is very important for his or her future growth. As the saying goes, “At the age of three, a child is young and at the age of seven, an old man is old”.
A young child will cry when his or her own assertions are blocked, but the child also learns how to coordinate with others and the ability to set boundaries with others. When he experiences that capricious, egotistical attitudes are not accepted by the other person, he learns a sense of balance in relationships, which is very beneficial to his growth.
It is important to allow the child to experience failure, not to get satisfaction for unreasonable demands, and to allow him to accept failure quite naturally. If the child’s emotions can not be smoothed down, parents take cold treatment as easy, or to divert his attention, or the warm embrace of the mother.
The harmony between husband and wife, the consistency of their education, a warm family atmosphere is the basis for the development of good character of the child. At the same time, young people who are new parents should pay attention to their usual behavior and the way they handle things, because children have the natural ability to imitate.
2.A 2 year old child who does not want to go to kindergarten
I am the father of a 2-year-old girl. Now I have a very troubling question to ask the experts: My daughter just started nursery school in September. He was very obedient at home and did not act unreasonably. Now, after two weeks in daycare, he has changed his temperament drastically. She learns to be unreasonable and roll on the floor.
Because of her introverted personality, we were afraid that her contact with too few people at home would not be conducive to her character development. That’s why we decided to send her to school. Every day when we sent her to school it was the teacher who carried her hard from our arms. It was very sad to see her. Does this have a bad effect on her psychologically?
And every day we drop her off and her grandmother picks her up, and now every time she cries she is looking for her grandmother, which wasn’t the case before. Is it because she hates us because we left her at school? Will this have an effect on her personality in the future? Is it because she is not used to a sudden change of environment? She is not afraid to talk about her grievances at school and then vent them at home? We want to bring her back now, is this okay? Should we send her back to school? I look forward to hearing from you, thank you!
Reply from the expert
I’ve read your letter several times, and it’s a difficult issue to deal with. It is generally recommended to send your child to kindergarten after she is three or three and a half years old, because a three-year-old child can remember her mother’s image, and even if she is not around, she will remember that she will pick her up after work. A child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten indicates that the attachment with the mother is not enough and the child’s inner security is not strong enough.
First of all, raising a child is not something that can be done without thinking, and you must have been anxious for a long time when faced with such a problem. As a first-time parent, if you are good at observing and guiding your child’s growth, you will lay a solid foundation for their development in life.
Secondly, it is normal for children to experience “separation anxiety” for a few days at the beginning of kindergarten, but after most children have basically adapted to kindergarten life, there are still very few children who do not adapt to the new life, so parents should reflect on whether their own education methods are suitable for their children’s growth.
Some children are brought up by their grandparents, and too much love and care restricts the child’s free development and peer interaction, so that they cannot adapt to the new environment and cannot communicate with children. At home, they are always taken care of by their parents, but in kindergarten, they can never do everything at their own convenience. If you think that your child is still young and are too accommodating, your child will not be able to adapt to society in the future.
Before going to a new kindergarten, it is best to familiarize your child with the new environment, such as the classroom and playground, so that your child can have a familiarization process and know that there are new and interesting places to play with peers other than home. It is also important to strengthen your child’s independent living and communication skills with teachers.
If the child still can’t adapt to kindergarten life for a period of time, then you can go to a child counseling agency for help, or need a buffer period of a few days to relieve the child’s anxiety.
3. High school students who procrastinate
I am a mental health education teacher, and I have a question for you. Children’s habits are formed probably by the age of ten. Now in my school, first and second year students have a lot of bad habits: not getting up in the morning, partial eating, picky eating, swearing, not paying attention in class, procrastinating, not putting things back after using them, and not finding them anywhere until they need them …… Because there are so many of these students, I don’t know what to do.
I have a student who had a habit of wetting the bed when he arrived here in his first year. Now it’s his second year, and two days ago, he started wetting the bed again. In such a situation, the life teacher, class teacher and parents all cared about this matter, and called him over one by one to criticize and educate him, and what’s more, the parents criticized him in front of many students, which made him very sad. This student loves basketball and has to drink a lot of water after each game, which is one of the reasons why he wets the bed.
There is another first year student who doesn’t like to eat on time and likes to eat snacks and instant noodles during the week, which is not allowed at school (his habit was developed at the beginning of elementary school), and at home, his parents say they are strict with their children. The result was very poor. But on the other hand, this small child is more interested in the operation, every time parents take their siblings out, he always buy some small bits and pieces back to assemble something by themselves, like computer web production. Yesterday, the class teacher took away the little turtle he kept, and he was so angry that he didn’t attend the class teacher’s lesson. According to his parents, as long as he wants something, he will find a way to get it. Now, I’m working with the class teacher and parents in giving him behavior modification, but I’m also worried now ……
Expert Response
This is really a difficult thing to deal with. It has a lot to do with home education. As a teacher try your best to understand the student with love and patience to actively find the student’s strengths, appreciate the child’s strengths and respect the child in order to treat the child with a forgiving heart.
I really appreciate that you care so much about your students, and as a psychologist I am glad to see that many teachers are starting to pay attention to students’ mental health.
Bedwetting in a child this old is not intentional and there are indeed many possible causes one is to visit a child’s neurology department, but rather not to criticize the child so harshly. The reasons should be found together, the teacher should ignore the problem and maybe without pressure the problem will disappear on its own.
Respecting children is like respecting our friends. When the child is older, as parents and teachers should discuss with the student.
I remember a story my teacher told us about teaching our children: Many parents asked my teacher (a famous psychologist) what is the best way to teach their children. The teacher said, “There are three secrets: the first is to confer, the second is to confer, and the third is still to confer.”
As teachers and parents, we should all think about this “secret”.
4, the rebellious 14-year-old boy
Professor Liu: Hello!
My nephew is 14 years old, he is a smart and well-behaved boy, and his academic performance is always good. But since last year, he has been very rebellious, especially with his parents and teachers, it is difficult to communicate with them.
Expert reply
Thank you for your letter. The information you provided about your child is small, so the advice you wrote down may not be suitable for this child. How much do we adults know about the reasons behind the child’s rebellion? How does this happen to him?
As parents we think about it.
What are the needs of the child’s heart? Is the child experiencing difficulties at school?
His studies, his interpersonal relationships, etc.?
We need to be the child’s friend not leader, to discuss with the child, this point please keep in mind.
5.Should we tell our children after the divorce
I divorced more than two years ago and have a son now 7 years old raised by me. The child is very smart, lively, and good questions. The divorce, my ex-wife thinks wait for the child to be older, but I think it is better to say early. Because of this, the child’s mouth does not say, but the heart of the mother does not come home for a long time in mind is understood. I am worried that if we wait until the child is older, it will have a significant negative impact on his or her psychological growth, learning, and relationships. My question is: When and how should I tell my child about the divorce? Thank you!
Answer
Even if you don’t tell him now, I think he has already guessed the possibility of it, because children are the most loyal to their families, and they know the changes of their parents best. I hope the two of you divorced, but love the child’s heart remains the same, often share the joy with the child.
6. I have children from divorced families in my class
Hello Professor! I am an elementary school teacher, I was fortunate to get the trust of students and I talked about some unhappy hearts: one day, a student wrote a note saying: his good friend because his parents divorced hit him very hard all day sullen, mental depression. He wanted to help him but didn’t know how to do it, and asked me what to do. I was very happy to receive the note, but I was very upset. I have a responsibility to answer this question for my student, and I wanted to talk to him personally, but I was afraid to add to his psychological burden and hurt his self-esteem, so I hope you can give me the best way.
In addition, there is a female student in my class who is usually cheerful and articulate, and I have never seen her shed tears, but recently she has been very preoccupied. How can I make this situation better?
What should I do? Do I need to talk to this mother in person? If so, what would be the best thing to talk about? I sincerely look forward to your answer. Thank you!
Reply
Thank you so much! You are a great teacher! If all educators in the world were as responsible and enthusiastic as you, how wonderful it would be!
The most important thing is to treat him the same as other students and to give him the necessary psychological support, such as actively identifying the child’s strengths, letting him do the work he can do, making him feel how much the group needs him, that he has the identity of success, that he is as good as the two-parent family.
I’m not a teacher, so I don’t have your experience in teaching and in relationships with parents, so my advice may not be right for you. I studied structural family therapy, and I know best that she and her family are suited for family therapy.
For example, her mother is too entangled with her daughter and her mother’s love has become a mental “prison” for her daughter. Maybe she and her husband are not getting along, or her husband cannot satisfy her emotional needs. Of course, this is just a hypothesis.
If you have the energy, we suggest you read some books on counseling that can help you help people.