”A sunny and happy child is a child who is able to be autonomous, who is capable of facing the difficulties of life and of finding his or her place in society.” This is a commonly accepted view in French child education.
So how do you raise a child who is psychologically sunny and away from darkness? Many senior French experts in the field of childcare have come together to give parents a series of highly operational suggestions.
A. Train your child to be alone
Psychologists say that security is not a sense of dependency, and if a child needs a warm and stable emotional connection, he also needs to learn to be alone, for example by keeping him in a safe room by himself. A child doesn’t necessarily need a parent to be present at all times to feel secure; even if he can’t see you, he will know in his heart that you are there.
Experts say that adults need to “respond” to the various needs of children, rather than “meet” everything.
Second, meet the child to have a degree
To artificially set some boundaries, not unconditionally meet the requirements of children. “Another prerequisite for a happy mood is the child’s ability to withstand the inevitable frustrations and disappointments of life.”
Dr. Thomas, a child psychiatrist, tells us, “Only when a child understands the truth that being able to obtain something does not depend on his desires, but on his abilities, can he achieve inner fulfillment and happiness.” The earlier a child understands this truth, the less pain he will experience. Be sure not to always fulfill your child’s desires at the first opportunity. The right thing to do is to delay some. For example, if your child is hungry, make him wait for a few minutes.
Don’t give in to all your child’s requests. Rejecting some of your child’s requests will help him gain mental peace. This “less-than-ideal reality” training in the family will give your child the mental capacity to face future setbacks in life.
Three, the child is angry when the cold treatment
The first way is to divert the attention of the child’s anger, so find a way to let him go to his room to get angry. Without an audience, he will slowly quiet down on his own.
Punish appropriately and follow through.
The “no” strategy: don’t just say no, explain to your child why not. Even if the child does not understand, he can understand your patience and respect for him; parents should agree with each other, not one says yes, one says no; forbid one thing at the same time can give him the freedom to do another thing.
Fourth, face up to his defects
If the child is different from other children, for example, the child is too fat, has problems with the shape of his ears, or his personality and behavior are very radical, parents must not deny these facts, but actively discuss with him to find solutions or accept the reality. In this regard, going to a specialist is the best way to go, because children generally take the words of experts (such as doctors) seriously.
V. Criticism, on the matter, not on the person
Criticize the child on the matter. For example, if a child breaks his mother’s jewelry, it is right to say, “Look, if you go and play with something you have no right to play with, something bad like this will happen.” It’s wrong to say, “You’re so bad, how could you break my jewelry? You deliberately won’t let mommy wear it anymore!”
The first sentence clearly tells the child that his mistake was that he “touched something he shouldn’t have” and does not deny the child’s character. The second sentence defines the child’s character, frustrates him and undermines his self-confidence in being a good child.
Six, let him do
Let your child do what he can early on, he will be more active in the future. Don’t do things for your child too much, speak for your child, make decisions for your child, before overstepping your authority, think about it, this thing, maybe your child can do it yourself. Don’t say things like, “You can’t, you can’t do this!” Let your child “try something new”. Sometimes adults forbid children from doing something simply because “he hasn’t done it before. If something is not dangerous, let the child try it.
Seven, let your child open up
Communication is the ability to communicate with others, and it is an ability to say what is on your mind. 14-year-old boys need the right guidance from their fathers to say what is on their mind in a positive and timely manner to avoid doing something dark, and if they are not controlled and avoided in time, he will continue in a more terrible way.
Happiness is an ability that allows him to see the good, positive side of life. What about the bad things, you can also face positively. Say more positive things: “We’re so happy together, aren’t we?”
”We’re so lucky!” “Don’t be sad, we’ll do better next time.”
Without a sunny, happy and correct mother until the child is 8 years old, that child will bring her mother’s shadow to the surface at age 12. Therefore, at this time, must not think that the child is just a child, is fickle, and do not think that growing up will be good, in fact, the darkness has seriously appeared in the family, if not stop and guide, grow up will only be more serious and horrible.
Eight, emphasize the things received, know how to love
Family and friends, sensory enjoyment, to strengthen these “acquired”, so that he knows that he is enjoying when he enjoys. Reinforce his awareness that I have a lot and that what I have is precious. He must know that the kindness of his relatives is not deserved or necessary, that no one owes anyone anything in this world, that the love given to him is the responsibility of the adults, and that he must know how to be grateful. They will also be parents later. There is no sitting around in this world, he must understand that what his parents give him is not a necessity, not a habit, it is love.
Nine, must know how to respect others
No matter what the status of the parents, no matter what the status of the people around them, the child must know how to respect others, there is no status difference. Maybe it’s dad’s friend, maybe it’s mom’s colleague, maybe it’s dad’s driver, maybe it’s the watchman at the school gate, etc. These people, who are not related to him by blood, must be grateful for what they give to him.
Finding, accumulating, and reinforcing those wonderful positive things is the sweetest gift to give to your child’s life —- every day, and with love, tomorrow will be better, to work hard!