We will only talk about one small concept each night, and once you understand these concepts and accumulate enough psychological knowledge, you will be able to solve many problems in your life. In the last lecture, we talked about how to build good interpersonal relationships and concluded that effective communication is the beginning of good interpersonal relationships, therefore, in this lecture, we will talk about how to communicate effectively. What is the first step of communication? Listen, listen, what is the real meaning of listening? Listening is actually not simple, many people are not doing a good job, either listening or listening, there is a big difference between the two, I believe that we will listen, but can do to listen to too few people! Let’s first define listening, listening should refer to the understanding of listening, for example, in daily life, Chinese people like to greet with “have you eaten”? How would you answer, I can list the contents of your listening, maybe it’s to say hello to yourself, maybe you haven’t eaten and hope others haven’t eaten, maybe you want to invite each other to eat, maybe you want to be invited to eat. In short, this can have multiple interpretations, in fact, every sentence in life is like this, contains different meanings, although it is the same sentence, from which we can get, listening means to hear the sentence, listening means to understand the meaning of the words. For example, you hear: Have you eaten? This is listening. You understand that he wants you to eat with him, this is listening. The difference between listening and listening is thus evident. From the above overview, we can speculate that people who do not listen will not be able to move forward in interpersonal communication, back and forth! In fact, many of our conflicts and difficulties, are not serious to do listening to cause, analogy many women at home to complain about some trivial things in life, will listen to the husband know that this is not in the complaint, and will not listen to the husband thought his wife complained about himself, and aggrieved. Here is only half of the meaning of listening, of course, none of us can be sure of each other’s true meaning, so listen to the other half of the need and convey the understanding of it. For example, when someone asks if you have eaten, I understand that he wants to eat with me. I would answer him like this, I haven’t eaten yet, why don’t we eat together. This way I can be sure that I understand correctly. The key point is that you have to present your understanding so that the other person can confirm whether he means it or not. I can see the following diagram: So, you can answer, “Would you like to eat with me? Or, for example, do you have time to eat with me? And so on and so forth. In short this word to confirm the other side of the idea, many people here omitted, thinking that read the other side of the idea, in fact, the misunderstanding arose! So, no matter how smart you are, you have to confirm that your understanding is right, this is understanding listening oh! Of course, we communicate, not necessarily using the model of Figure 1, there can be another form, now the following example: that is, you can use more accurate and concise words to restate the content of the visitor to express once, to explain its meaning. “Do you want to say you want to have dinner with me” and “Do you want to say you want to play with me” are the second type of language used to confirm understanding. We understand the two modes of healthy communication, and I believe we understand how to “listen”, but is listening the only way to understand the core meaning of the other person, and everything will be fine? No, no, there is a more important part, here I will give an example, the weekend, the child asked you, “Mom, do you have time this weekend? The mother said without expression: I have time, let’s go out and play. See what is missing? What she lacks is the emotional response that she should have. Emotional response: capturing information about the other person’s verbal expressions and emotional experiences, understanding the visitor and reflecting the other person’s emotions at the moment. So it is complete to say as follows: It’s the weekend and the child asks you, “Mom, do you have time for the weekend? The mother says excitedly, “I have time, let’s go out and play. Many people in life answer right but lack of emotional response, the effect is not good! Based on the above explanation, we can define listening as comprehension listening: listening to the visitor’s story, capturing all aspects of the visitor’s information, and using the appropriate emotional response to convey understanding. There are two common techniques, which are summarized in the two illustrations above: clarification: the process of distilling the subject matter of the visitor’s expression and asking for further information to expose the visitor’s inner conflicts. Usually closed questions such as “is it” and “is there” are used. Paraphrasing: Restating what the visitor is trying to say in more precise and concise terms to clarify its meaning. Sometimes this is said: “Are you trying to say…”. Today is about understanding listening, so go back and connect slowly, and change your old habits of only listening, or not reflecting emotionally, time is up, that’s all for today’s lesson. Summary: more listening, in order to understand more about each other’s situation, will not be in their own understanding of the actual situation before to make the wrong decision, to make inappropriate remarks, so that communication is more smooth, in life our misunderstanding because listening will become less, because listening will become more efficient, the atmosphere becomes more harmonious; listening is also a personal qualities of performance, can reflect the attention to each other, respect each other It can make others feel that you care about them, make our interpersonal relationship more harmonious, and establish a better image in your social circle. Once again, I wish you all can use listening with ease!