In life, we often complain about the various problems of children: bad temper, clingy, action procrastination, etc., but ignore the problem children are not born at all, they often stand behind the problem parents. The following will give you an analysis one by one, I hope it will help you.
1, if the child always deliberately disturb you, it may be because you and his physical intimacy is not enough, he is eager to contact with you.
The child is not doing this intentionally with you, but is clearly signaling to you: “Dad / Mom, I need more time with you!” The lack of time and quality of time spent with the child by dad/mom is what leads to the child’s lack of security. He is taking the opportunity to show love to Daddy/Mommy, but he is also asking Daddy/Mommy to confirm their love for him/her. Remember, the prerequisite for “pushing” a child away must be to satisfy the child first.
2. If your child is lying, it may be because you have overly accused him of his mistakes.
In terms of parent-child relationship patterns, the more a child is scolded for a mistake, the higher the probability of lying afterwards. Why? The purpose of lying is to avoid harm, and if a child has been scolded by a parent before, he or she will be afraid and will lie because he or she cannot handle the pressure. Therefore, parents should first try to understand the child and accept his behavior, but acceptance does not mean approval. Then, a good way of communication is needed, and the child will slowly change this “problem”. Of course, when the child is “blamed” for the pressure is less, there is no need to lie and deny it.
3, if your child lacks self-confidence, it may be because you give him more advice than encouragement.
Many parents mistakenly believe that what their children need is education, and that education is more about indoctrination and discipline. They use their own experience to tell their children what you should do, missing the psychology and thoughts of the child.
For a child, the experience of success will be one of the motivations for him to continue trying things. Usually, emphasize your child’s strengths and encourage your child to try, the more successful experiences you get the more confident your child will be.
4. If a child is afraid to assert his or her will, it may be because he or she has been reprimanded in public since childhood. Even in front of siblings or family and friends, parents should not do this.
It is not a good thing to educate children in public, not only parent-child conflict is openly intensified, but also let other people side eye, onlookers, causing embarrassment, more importantly, cause children inferiority complex, timid, afraid to get along with others, etc.. Whether at home or outside, regardless of the age of the child, parents should give their children time to listen to their ideas.
5, if parents buy everything for their children, but he still go to take those things that do not belong to them, probably because you did not give him the opportunity to choose.
You bought a bunch of things for your child, are not as good as one of them that he picked out himself a long time ago. Why? Because that’s what he likes. Too often, we take it upon ourselves to give our children everything we think is good and swear, “It’s for your own good.” In this way, under the aura of love, the child is like a puppet of the parents, the right to choose is mercilessly deprived. Love and freedom are not in conflict, more choices for children.
6, if your child is weak, it may be because you always help him in time. Moms and dads, we don’t need to clear all the roadblocks on the road of life for our children.
A life without failure is both non-existent and incomplete. Parents who take care of their children excessively will always have a good time and will not feel the taste of failure. Children always have to adapt to society in the future, we have to develop their own problem-solving skills, and to fully believe in their children, even if they do not do well, but also to let children understand from an early age that failure is not a bad thing.
7, if the child’s jealousy is strong, it may be because you often compare the child with Xiaoming next door.
Every parent wants their children to grow up to be successful, as the saying goes, “Hate is not steel,” but steel is not “hate” but “refining”.
The purpose of comparing your child with others is to imply that your child is learning from the good aspects of others. It is true that occasional comparisons can enhance motivation, but when compared frequently, children usually have a lot of negative emotions: unhappiness, insecurity, anger, jealousy and so on. Even in terms of behavioral performance, they appear stubborn and rebellious. In fact, the best way is to compare with yourself and pay attention to every tiny progress of your child. After all, each child is unique.
If your child throws a tantrum when he or she is slightly displeased, it may be because you are not praising him enough and he can only get your attention when he misbehaves.
Sometimes, if the mother is just doing her own thing or paying more attention to others than to the child, the child will feel a sense of loss inside, and sometimes will attract the mother’s attention by throwing a tantrum. A tantrum is a little trick of the child. Therefore, mothers and fathers should observe carefully and keep abreast of their baby’s psychological and physical needs.
9. If your child does not respect the feelings of others, it may be because you always order your child and you yourself do not respect him in the first place.
There are times when children will boss adults around and even speak out of turn to get them off their feet. However, they may simply copy the tone of voice and language that parents use when speaking to themselves or other adults. They do not understand that they should use different attitudes and tone of voice to different people.
10, if your child is always secretive and does not tell you anything, it may be because you are always hitting him.
Someone once did a survey and found that most children do not want to talk to their parents more, a very important factor is that children feel annoyed or hurt by the language of their parents. Imagine: If someone hits you over and over again, would you still want to push your heart and soul with them? Likewise, the child is.
11. If a child has no manners, he or she may have learned them by ear, from mom or dad or from people around him or her.
Parents are the role models for their children to learn from, and among the words and teachings, teaching by example is more important. For example, respect for the elderly and the young, civilized and courteous, using polite language …… in a family where parents speak all softly, is not to raise a child who likes to shout. On the contrary, if the parents usually do not pay attention to the attitude towards elders, then the children will naturally follow the same example and do not know how to respect their elders.
12.What kind of parent are you: authoritarian, authoritative, uninvolved or permissive? The choice is yours.
We are not born masters of education, nor are we born to be parents. It is okay to make mistakes, but the key is to be able to respect each other, educate and grow together with our children in the process of educating them.
From today, you may want to give your child some rights, let him choose; give your child some opportunities, let him experience; give your child a little difficulty, let him solve; give your child a problem, let him find his own answer; give your child a piece of space, let him go forward.